How to deal with post-breakup depression

Breaking up with someone can leave you in a very depressed state. It’s not easy when in your world every little bit is that person and one day, suddenly you pick up the phone, realizing that you are nothing to call that person anymore. Sometimes, just doing that will set you up for depression: a mood disorder that causes feelings of sadness and negativity that no one else can understand. At this point, taking care of yourself and figuring out how to move forward can really be a huge challenge for you.

Table of Contents

Coping with depression

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Distinguish between sadness and depression. After a breakup, crying, insomnia, anger, and a temporary loss of interest in everyday activities are all very normal. It’s part of the healing process. But perhaps you are facing a more serious problem if you have symptoms such as: ^{[1] X Research Source}^{[2] X Research Source}

Severe changes in eating or sleeping habits
Exhausted
Always feel worthless, empty, or hopeless
The pain is so unbearable that I can’t stand it
Irritability
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Do not want to clean the room as well as do personal hygiene.
Thinking about dying, or hurting yourself

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Record your symptoms. If you suspect you are depressed or that something is very wrong, try to keep a journal to record what you are going through. You can write on paper or on a computer. These notes will be very helpful when you need to review them and you can bring them to your doctor if you want to see a doctor.

Try to jot down the simplest of feelings, such as: “I’ve been feeling hopeless all morning” or “I’ve been trying to be happy but I’m always depressed and tired.” If it’s too sad, you don’t need to write in too much detail.
Write down what you did, for example: “I watched the movie all night and cried a lot” or “This morning I stayed in bed for 3 hours because I didn’t have any energy in my body. “.

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Understand the usual time frame and urgency in the case of a medical condition. Experts usually recommend waiting about 2 weeks or a month to see if things get better. You’ll also have serious problems if boredom prevents you from performing basic daily tasks (such as going to work or taking care of children). ^{[3] X Research Source} You should see your doctor if:

Not feeling better within 2-3 weeks
Unable to work or take care of yourself or your family
Having thoughts of hurting yourself

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Talk to your doctor about your treatment plan. Your doctor may recommend therapy and/or medication to balance brain chemicals.

Our brains can get sick just like other parts of the body. If you have depression or take medication to treat it, it’s not “unusual”.

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Call the crisis hotline if you are in urgent danger. If you think you’re going to hurt yourself, don’t hesitate, pick up the phone, find a hotline, and call or text them. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Emotional balance

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Know that emotional balancing takes time. Especially when it’s a long-term relationship, the process will take longer. Be prepared for that and give yourself enough time to heal and regain balance.

Many people think that it takes about half the time of a relationship to heal after a breakup. For example, if your relationship lasted for 6 months, then you need about 3 months to fully balance again. However, each of us is not the same, so it may take you more or less time.

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Give yourself space and time to feel negative emotions. After a breakup, we will all be angry, disappointed, sad, scared and experience a lot of other emotions. Sometimes these feelings have nothing to do with your ex. ^{[5] X Research Source} It’s okay. Let yourself cry, be sad and mourn the past love.

Try naming emotions if they keep filling you up. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Loss? Or worry about the future?

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Get rid of everything that reminds you of your lost love. Put all things related to your ex (photos, letters, souvenirs) in a box and keep it somewhere you can’t see it, like in the corner of the closet or under the bed. Just leave the box there, you can handle it when you have overcome the sadness of breaking up with that person.

Don’t throw all those things away. Maybe you will regret them later.
If you think you won’t be able to hold back and open the box too soon, write a reminder on it, such as “Don’t open, wait until April”.

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Find a way out. Coping with intense emotions can be difficult. You should find a way to get rid of them. Try different ways as long as they are safe and healthy to let your feelings out. You can do it in a few ways:

Do exercise
Express emotions through art: painting, painting, composing music, writing, etc.
Cry
Imagine that you are deeply moved when you tell your story on a TV show
Write diary
Tear or cut the discarded paper
Hug the pillow and scream and hit the bed
Break every ice cube in the bath

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Make time for hobbies and explore new interests. This will help you find new ways to be productive and creative.

Do you want to do something when you were a kid that you couldn’t do yet? Try it out now!

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Ask yourself what you need right now. If you find yourself going through a tough time, stop and ask yourself, “What would make me feel better?” You need to think about what you can do right now to make things a little easier. Things can get better bit by bit with things like…

Call a friend
Take a warm bath
Play with pets
Drink a cup of hot chocolate
Get a hug
Do what you think you should be doing at the time.

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Try to move on. Gradually, you will have to accept the fact that the relationship is over and you need to plan for a future without that person in it. This will be your goal. Always keep that in mind. It may take some time, but always remember in which direction you want yourself to go.

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Remember that the process of forgetting a person is not a straight line. Sometimes you will feel sad again, but no matter how many times you return, the sadness cannot become permanent. You will feel a little better, then suddenly feel worse. This doesn’t mean you’ll never make it through. You’ll feel better again in a day or at most a week or two.

Take care of yourself

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Try to keep your daily routine as stable as possible. It will be quite difficult at first, you will have to force yourself to eat right meals and sleep on time. This also takes time so be patient with yourself.

Sometimes you can’t do everything optimally, that’s okay. ^{[6] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

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Find simple ways to make yourself healthier. When you’re depressed, it can be difficult to focus on your health. Still, a little effort is better than nothing. It doesn’t need to be big, take care of yourself with the little things and be proud of it.

If cooking is too difficult right now, eat ready-made snacks like an apple or cheese sticks. You can also keep perishable snacks (like a jar of cereals) on the table.
Do light exercises, like lifting your legs while watching TV, or lifting 2kg weights while lying in bed.

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Perform daily personal hygiene. Depression can make everyday tasks (like brushing teeth or showering) extremely difficult. However, these things are very important for your health. Not practicing personal hygiene for too long can make you sick, or cause other health problems later on.

Try to brush your teeth at least once a day. Even if it’s brushing through the speakers, not using toothpaste is still better than not brushing at all. You can also wipe your teeth with a face cloth to remove plaque.
Try to shower at least every other day. Use a wet washcloth to wipe sweaty areas like armpits and under bras. You can use more deodorant rollers.
If you’re too tired to dress properly, at least change into your pajamas and underwear every day. You can also wear an old puffer top and sweatpants when you’re feeling better.

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Stay away from unhealthy remedies. Many times, when people are suffering, they tend to abuse alcohol, take drugs, or binge eat. These things are not only bad for your health but also make your mood worse. ^{[7] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source} Find yourself other solutions.

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Don’t be afraid to ask others to help you take care of yourself and do everyday tasks. Depression can make it impossible for you to start something and focus on it. Sometimes, having someone by your side helps a lot. You can ask them to do some of the cleaning and sanitizing that you find yourself struggling with. For example, you could say:

“I’m exhausted and can’t clean the house. Could you please stop by and lend me a hand? I’ve got soft drinks and vanilla ice cream ready, let’s enjoy.”
“I know I’ve been a mess lately and forgot to take a shower. You probably don’t like being with someone who stinks, but you better urge me to take a shower if I’m so dirty!”
“Breaking up with him/her makes me so depressed, but I’m still trying to do the housework. Can you be my laundry friend, come and do the laundry with me?”
“Dad, I’ve been so tired lately that I can’t cook for myself. Can I stop by for dinner sometime?”

Avoid isolation

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Find the people you love. You should spend more time with friends and family at this time. They will be a solid support when you have to overcome the post-breakup trauma. When you were in love, how often did you go to see them? If your love affair is quite long and deep, it may take a few months for you to see some of your friends or even your family. Slowly spend time with them and share them with them.

Let your loved one know what you are going through. You can say, “I just broke up and I really need a friend by my side right now.”

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If possible, make communicating with people a daily task. It is very easy to fall into the trap of isolating yourself during times of depression. ^{[8] X Research Resources} Communicating with people is extremely important to keep you from spending a whole day or a week alone.

Try to spend at least half an hour of quality each day with your loved one.

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Speak out your feelings. Being honest with your own feelings will help people understand and know the direction to comfort you. Don’t share half-open or insinuations. Let them know how you are feeling then you can share more.

“I’m so tired today.”
“Right now, I just want to do something light, like watch a movie together.”
“I’m so tired, can we talk tomorrow morning?”
“I feel better today. I think it would be fun to go out and play. Do you want to go?”
“I feel so weak and worried.”
“I don’t have the strength to go out anymore. Can you stay here and talk to me?”

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Let others know how they can help you, especially when they appear confused. Most people want to help you, but they may not know how to help, or they may misunderstand what you need. The best way is to tell them what you need help with. For example, you could say that:

“I want to be busy today so I don’t think about that person anymore. Want to do something fun?”
“I really need someone to be by my side and listen to me right now.”
“I’m not ready to meet new people yet. I haven’t gotten over him yet and it probably needs more time. When I want to meet handsome guys, I’ll ask you for help.”
“Can you give me a hug?”
“I really want to text her. Can you come hang out with me and help me stop doing that?”
“I feel so lonely right now, if you’re by my side, it’s great. We can do anything, just walk and talk or watch TV together.”

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Find someone you can trust to confide in. Dealing with emotional trauma is hard, when you have to suffer alone, it’s even harder. Find someone who is a good listener and when they are ready to listen to you, pour your heart out to them, you will feel much more comfortable.

Advice

Maybe while lonely…he will call/text you and want to come back. However, ask yourself if that’s what you want, or are you ready to start a better relationship.
No matter what you think right now, you WILL find someone else to love you – the world is full of people like that, maybe the other half is still waiting for you to come and find it. You may not think so right now, but there are many people out there who are just right for you. One day you will meet someone interesting/funny/wonderful, and believe it or not – your memories of your ex will fade away in no time.
Just because you’re breaking up with someone doesn’t mean that you’re bad or that you did something wrong (or that the other person is a bad person). You just weren’t made for each other.
After a long enough time, you will still be able to be friends. However, it may take a few months or even years to be friends with an ex, or you can only be friends when you both have found your own person.
Don’t call/text your partner – give each other some space if you don’t want to annoy them and push them further away.
Maybe after a long breakup you can really continue dating someone else. Don’t be in a hurry to start a new relationship with someone cute you just met, otherwise, with your old heart still in love, you will hurt yourself and that person only. Give yourself enough time for the wound to heal completely and forget all that belongs to the past.
Treating yourself to your favorite treats (like cake or ice cream) can also make you much more comfortable, as long as you don’t overdo them. Give yourself a moderate amount of food to avoid overeating and stomach pain.
Never let the past affect the future. Memories of the past will only bring back the feelings of depression at the time of the breakup. Look to the future and live your life.
If you’re the one who took the initiative to end this relationship, always keep in mind why. Think about the problem that made you decide to break up and stick with it. When you’re ready, you’ll find yourself in a better relationship, with someone more suitable.

Warning

Don’t have sex with someone to fill your loneliness. Instead, hang out with friends or do things you love to make yourself happy. Flashes of fun will have many consequences and in the end, you will only feel more lonely. Forget sadness with positive activities.
When you just broke up with someone, never make the big decisions in your life. ^{[9] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

Steps