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It’s really frustrating when other people gossip behind their back. Gossip spreads so quickly that it is often difficult to pinpoint the source of the rumors. Because of that, it’s very easy to make the situation worse by trying to confront the people who are talking about you. The best course of action in this case is to ignore it. In addition, you can also cope by engaging in positive activities and trying to change the way you view the rumor.
Steps
Dealing with gossipers
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No need to do anything. You may have a burning desire to take action or confront someone who speaks ill of you, but sometimes the best response is to ignore the whispers. Just think like this: the person didn’t dare to tell you directly, so why bother to push things further? Put an end to the rumor by ignoring it. [1] X Research Source
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Be kind to them. Another great response to gossipers is to be polite. They will be confused because you are so nice to them while they are talking bad about you behind your back. Furthermore, if you reinforce a positive attitude, you can make the person feel guilty for having disparaged you.
- Give the person a sincere compliment like “Wow, Phuong, you must have put a lot of effort into making these flyers. Looks very nice.” [2] X Research Source
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Keep your distance from gossipers. If you often have to be around people who talk bad about you behind your back, keep your distance from them. Just because you can’t stay away from them doesn’t mean you have to treat them like best friends. [3] X Research Sources
- Be gentle, but don’t get along with your detractors. Never tell them personal stories, because that information may later become a topic for them to talk about.
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Verify your messenger’s motives. If a rumor reaches you through a dear friend or acquaintance, perhaps you need to make sure that person is thinking about you. Most good friends won’t want to spread negative information that will hurt you. If the person is also involved in the story, find out why they’re telling you, and how they react to the rumors.
- You can ask questions like, “How did you know they were saying that?” or “What did you say when they talked?” You can even just ask a simple “Why are you telling me this?” to know more about their motives.
- You don’t necessarily have to cut ties with the messenger, but you should still be extra careful with them. Maybe this person isn’t as carefree as they’re trying to pretend to be. Maybe they are trying to push the rumor further than trying to prevent it.
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Do not engage in gossip. If you’ve ever had someone whispering behind your back, you know how annoying it can be. However, you will not make the situation better if you are also involved in the story. Some people are inclined to gossip about other people’s affairs, but they cannot do so without a listener.
- The next time someone is going to talk to you about someone else, say, “This is starting to sound like gossip. I don’t want to talk behind other people’s backs.” [4] X Research Sources
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Notify the person in charge. If malicious rumors affect your work or study results, you may have to report the incident to your supervisor. Authoritative people such as teachers, principals or administrators can handle the problem.
- You might say, “I’m having trouble with another student/colleague. I think they are spreading rumors about me, and this makes it impossible for me to focus on my studies/work. Is it possible for you to talk to him/her?”
- It is possible that the co-worker or student has a reputation for being professional or bully, so disciplinary action may be taken by a supervisor. [5] X Research Sources
Coping with being slandered
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Distract yourself. It may be difficult for you to stay focused on school or work when someone talks bad about you behind your back. Instead of focusing on the negative, spend your energy on positive activities to distract yourself.
- You can rearrange your desk, go for a walk, chat with a friend, or set a deadline for yourself to complete a project.
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Spend time with positive people. It is easy to feel isolated when people talk behind their backs. You can counteract this feeling by trying to be around people who like you more. They will help you to be happier, more confident, and even forget about negative rumors or rumors. [6] X Research Source
- Call and invite a close friend out to play. You can also spend more time with your lover or family.
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Remind yourself how amazing you are. Whispering words can make you doubt your strengths and abilities. Don’t fall into the trap of blaming yourself. Instead, think about your great points to remember how valuable you are. Sit down and make a list.
- Write down all of your strengths, the things that you love about yourself, and the things that others admire. You might list strengths as “great listener,” “comfortable,” or “creative.” [7] X Research Sources
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Do good for yourself. Positive actions bring about positive thoughts and feelings. When you are upset because of the gossip, give yourself the same good things as for a close friend. Do things you love like taking your puppy to the park to play or polishing his nails. Take some time each day to treat yourself well. [8] X Research Sources
Change your mind about gossip
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Do not mind. You can deal with people who talk behind your back by remembering that their words are a reflection of themselves, not yours. You can’t decide what others say about you, but you can choose how you react to it. Ignore the buzz as something that the gossipers themselves have to deal with. Don’t let yourself be a victim of other people’s problems. [9] X Research Source
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Understand that they may be jealous. Maybe not always, but often people talk bad about you because there’s something about you that scares them. That person may be jealous of your looks, your talents, or because you are popular. Malicious words may just be a way for them to hurt you. [10] X Research Source
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Realize poor self-esteem. People who talk badly about others have another thing in common: they lack self-esteem. Maybe they say bad things about you to make themselves seem better. The person often feels dissatisfied with themselves or lacks self-esteem, as a result they also say negative things about others. [11] X Research Source
- This is why being kind to or complimenting the person who is spreading the rumor can help stop negative comments. Those people sometimes simply want to receive positive attention, because they feel self-deprecating on the inside.
X
This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 180,833 times.
It’s really frustrating when other people gossip behind their back. Gossip spreads so quickly that it is often difficult to pinpoint the source of the rumors. Because of that, it’s very easy to make the situation worse by trying to confront the people who are talking about you. The best course of action in this case is to ignore it. In addition, you can also cope by engaging in positive activities and trying to change the way you view the rumor.
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