How to Deal with Overwhelming People

Don’t make excuses. Stay calm, and remember that you will never be able to win against someone who is outrageous – there has to be a reason for them to be called “outrageous”. To them, you are the problem, and nothing can convince them to see the story from your point of view. That person will always think: all your opinions are meaningless because you are at fault anyway.

• Think about what you are going to say and the purpose of the conversation. Don’t react impatiently when offended by them. You don’t have to make any excuses to them.
• When talking, use the subject “I” instead of “you”. For example, don’t say, “You’re wrong.” Say something like, “I don’t think that is true.”

Keep your distance, distract and defuse conflict. Staying calm in the heat of the moment is very important for self-defense. If you say angry words, or have outbursts of emotions such as crying, the overpowered people will have more excuses to make things difficult for you. Don’t pay attention to their actions, and don’t let yourself get emotional with what they do.

• Take the emotion out of the situation and deal with it soberly. The goal is not to let your emotions show when you talk to them, keep your distance, and don’t let what they say upset you.
• Direct the conversation to a more positive topic by focusing on things that are not the cause of the argument. ^[1] Talk about the weather, fishing, their family – anything that can distract them from the argument and not cause more conflict.
• Remember: anything you say or do in anger can be used against you. If you find it okay to endure angry judgments for decades to come, feel free to react to them. Overwhelmed people often like you to say something bad to prove you’re a bad person. ^[2]
• Don’t judge them as right or wrong, no matter how absurd they may be. Judgment will only make you feel worse.

Avoid arguing with them. If possible, don’t disagree with people who are too mean. Find a way to agree or ignore them. Arguing will only make you express your feelings and say angry words. It also makes it harder for you to think clearly and to come up with rational responses. ^[3]

• Overwhelmed people love to argue, so when you agree with them or what they say, you don’t give them what they want. If you get called “Bad!” for example, go ahead and admit that you behaved badly at the time. This will eliminate the hysteria. ^[4]

You have to realize that you can’t talk to them properly. It’s almost impossible to have a polite conversation with outrageous people – at least for you. Think back to times when you’ve tried to discuss your relationship with them, and sometimes you’ve been blamed by them. ^[5]

• Be quiet or have fun with them whenever possible. Remember, you can’t “change” crippled people. Such people cannot and will never listen to reason.
• Avoid arguing with them. Don’t meet that person alone. Always go with a third person. If your over-the-top audience objected, just ask for it.

Ignore them. Overwhelmed people love attention, so when they know you’re not paying attention to them, they’ll find someone else to mess with. Stay out of their business and don’t talk to them – or about them.

• Overwhelmed people often have childish outbursts of anger. You shouldn’t care about them unless their anger turns dangerous and threatening to you. Try to stay away from extreme people, or at least, don’t give them a reason to be angry.

Ask thought-provoking questions. Ask them related questions like “What’s wrong?” or “Why do you feel that way?” might be useful. This shows: you are interested in the conversation and want to find the cause of the conflict. Trying to see the problem from the cripple’s point of view can help you come to a better conclusion.

• Remember: the aggrieved person may respond to your question by trying to complicate things, such as fighting, blaming, changing the subject, or more.

Distract yourself. If the overpowered person is about to make you unbearable, you should get out of the situation immediately. Maybe the person is trying to drive you crazy, so prove it: they don’t affect you at all. Walking away or doing something else will calm you down.

• Count silently from 1 to 10 if necessary.
• If the person is still acting too much, ignore them. That person will have to stop when they see that they can’t provoke you.

Be confident. State your point of view confidently and look the other person in the eye when you talk. You shouldn’t be weak to them. If you keep looking at the ground or somewhere behind them, the person may think you are weak. You should show that you are a reasonable person but not weak.

Change tactics. Sometimes you just can’t let things go, so treat it like a game. Learn the tactics of crippled people and come up with a strategy to deal with them. Then you will realize what works and what doesn’t. Moreover, you will feel better knowing that you are always a few steps ahead of them, no matter what they do, they can’t beat you. But remember: the end goal of this is to help you feel better, not to win them over.

• If that person shows up and whispers bad things to you in public, they think you won’t dare to react. Then say it out loud: “Do you really want to talk about that?”. This will take the person by surprise and not dare to behave badly there again.
• Always anticipate the consequences of your actions if things don’t go as planned.
• If the person keeps trying to reach you, don’t get upset. Remember what happened and create a different strategy for next time.
• They won’t be able to pick a fight with you if you can predict their next words or actions.

Pay attention to your body language. Always pay attention to your gestures and facial expressions when around those people. Body language shows our emotions a lot. You shouldn’t accidentally reveal your feelings. This will also help you maintain your composure, and possibly calm the other person.

• Speak softly and move calmly.
• Avoid using aggressive body language, such as eye contact, aggressive gestures, pointing or facing the other person. Keep a calm face, don’t shake your head and don’t invade their personal space. ^[6]