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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
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People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) often initially come across as charming, sociable, and confident. [1] X Source of Research However, that charismatic personality will eventually fade, replaced by a selfish human image. [2] X Research Source Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self-Absorbed (2nd ed) by Wendy T. Nehary (2013) This type of person is difficult to deal with. According to experts, NPD is one of the most difficult mental illnesses to treat. [3] X Research Source If the person with NPD is a family member, boss, or someone you care about very much, then you are definitely looking for a way to settle down with them. [4] X Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self-Absorbed (2nd ed) Research Sources by Wendy T. Nehary (2013) You may have to choose how to adjust to living with the person with the disorder. narcissistic personality disorder, but it’s a thorny road.
Steps
Dealing with Narcissism
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Is it necessary to deal with this type of person. They barely listen to you and don’t pay attention to your needs. [5] X Research Sources Narcissists think they know more than others, so they see their decisions as the most logical answer to all problems. The narcissist is always expecting you to go along with them, and there is the potential for power struggles or serious control issues in your relationship with that person. [6] X Research Source
- It doesn’t seem like this person is emotionally invested in the relationship with you, but becomes angry if he feels criticized in any way. He has a history of breaking relationships for petty reasons. [7] X Research Source If you want to maintain a relationship, how will you live and protect your feelings?
- Determine if it is true that you cannot or will not leave them in your life. If you are just a new acquaintance, it is best to ignore this relationship.
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Avoid collisions. You have no chance of convincing the narcissist that they are wrong. So you only choose when it is necessary to confront, not waste your energy dealing with a problem that has a focus on his behavior because it is almost impossible to turn it around.
- If your spouse monopolized the conversation at a family gathering last night and embarrassed you with exaggerated stories, consider it a thing of the past. Take precaution at the next meeting by arranging for him to sit next to another quiet member who is willing to listen to the other person’s brilliant achievements.
- If it’s a matter of your decision, such as not sharing a car with him if he’s planning to drive after drinking at the party tonight, make your decision straight. Just walk away without explaining the reason for this action. That’s what you should do to a narcissist to get him to understand and accept the problem, you don’t have to rush to argue.
Tip: Set clear boundaries in the form of “if you do X, then I will do Y” and stick to it. For example, “if you curse at me, I’ll walk away.”
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Establish goal-oriented interactions. Narcissists love to make trophies and then brag about their achievements. [8] X Research Sources Therefore, you should set goals that both satisfy your needs and create pride for them.
- If you feel weak every time you think about asking your narcissist to clean up your backyard, suggest that he host an upcoming outdoor party. The narcissist likes to take the lead in socializing, so this is the kind of audience he enjoys. Ask him what he needs to do, then take the job of cleaning the house and preparing snacks for the meeting. Show interest in his muscles while clearing the yard. It’s funny because there’s a good chance you’ll end up with a cleaner yard than you expected, because when complimented he may even accept your suggestion to do another project (like building a pond). water, raise the ground in the garden or make a hose for watering plants). This is the key for him to spread the word at the party.
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Recognize what is important to the narcissist. Remember that narcissists often don’t understand or respect your words and behaviors that express your feelings. In fact, he may coldly reject you and hurt you.
- Instead you need to study the subject and get to know what is important to him. Then give them a real gift of your time or money, and you will receive a sincere love word from him.
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Recommend talk therapy. The only effective treatment for this disorder is talk therapy. Psychotherapy can be introspective to reshape a person’s perception of themselves and their place in the world around them. Then he has a more accurate view of his actual ability, learns to accept himself and absorb the opinions of others in the thinking process. [9] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- However, because narcissists view themselves as near-perfect [10] X Research Sources , they will not see the need for psychological treatment or behavior change.
- Psychotherapy helps the narcissist learn how to turn to others for support to benefit more from personal and professional relationships.
- But it can be very difficult to convince someone with NPD to find a therapist, participate in therapy, and stay on course until results are achieved. [11] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source If narcissists seek psychiatric help, it’s almost exclusively to deal with their depression or suicidal tendencies. [12] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source This type of person usually refuses to give any talk on the subject of personality change or behavior modification.
- There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder, although medication may be used during treatment to control some of the symptoms or problems that arise, such as depression. [13] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
Recognizing Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
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Consider the person’s childhood. NPD usually appears in men, beginning in adolescence or early adulthood. [14] X Research Source Experts have not yet determined the exact cause, but it is conjectured that it may be due to a number of parenting styles:
- Too strict parenting methods: Too harsh upbringing can cause a child’s desire to be cuddled up over the years. [15] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Overindulgence: On the other side of the spectrum, an overly loving and indulgent parenting creates the impression that a child has all the power and is the perfect person. [16] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- But narcissists seem to be the product of upbringing that incorporates extreme elements, including coldness and caring. [17] X Research Source
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Notice whether the person thinks they are always right. First, narcissism manifests itself in the form of people with very high self-esteem, very confident in their abilities. [18] X Source of Research Over time, they begin to show excessive belief in themselves, that they are never wrong, and are worth more than those around them. [19] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Notice if the person sees them as the center of the universe. The narcissist often sees the world as revolving around him, and does whatever it takes to keep it that way, [20] X Research Source[21] X Research Source Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self -Absorbed (2nd ed) by Wendy T. Nehary (2013) such as monopolizing talks. [22] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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The person gets angry easily or abuses words. When the narcissist feels that he is not being treated as special as he would like, [23] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source they start to get angry or talk more to suppress others. [24] X Research Sources Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self-Absorbed (2nd ed) by Wendy T. Nehary (2013)
- Distinguish from Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) by looking at whether the person is breaking the law. Some people with NPD may talk very aggressively, but they are not violent or illegal, and they usually have good control over their behavior. [25] X Research Sources
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Is the person arrogant or boastful? People with NPD are often viewed as arrogant, explosive, or self-centered. [26] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Goes to Source They tend to look down on subordinates [27] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Goes to Source (which is basically anyone) and puts others down to elevate yourself. They will manipulate others to get what they want.
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Identify a lack of empathy. Perhaps the most challenging problem with dealing with a narcissist is that he is not really able to empathize with others, [28] X Research Source and does not want to learn how to empathize.
- Distinguish narcissism from autism by observing their compassion for others. People with autism may have difficulty understanding how others are feeling, but they genuinely care, may offer help at times, and will feel upset when they see others in a bad mood (sometimes) when they’ll dodge when it’s overloaded). The narcissist pays little attention to the feelings of others.
Tip: For the narcissist, empathy can be summed up as “I know how you feel but I don’t care.” Some people with NPD recognize and understand other people’s feelings but don’t share them. They use this information to manipulate others.
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Notice how the person overreacts when criticized. He will not try to satisfy other people’s requests. In fact, they react angrily to any such request, as it is seen as criticism. [29] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- There was a time when it was thought that the narcissist’s exaggerated self-worth was meant to compensate for their lack of self-worth. But today experts claim that narcissists deceive themselves by actually believing they are great. [30] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source They feel entitled to be admired despite evidence of their success. [31] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- As a result, narcissists can overreact and even become aggressive when they feel even the slightest criticism. [32] X Research Source
- Differentiate NPD from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) by seeing if they take the criticisms of others to heart. Some people with NPD may get angry while someone with BPD panics and falls into a spiral that leads to a decline in self-esteem.
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Does the person have unrealistic expectations? The narcissist has exaggerated beliefs about self-importance, superiority, achievement, and competence; manipulative behavior and desire to be obeyed, admired, and authorized by others; Their heads are filled with “illusions of success, power, excellence, beauty, and wanting the perfect mate”. [33] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- They require others to represent them to create products of the highest quality or “best”. [34] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Notice if the person is taking advantage. People with narcissistic personality disorder often tend to manipulate or take advantage of situations and relationships in life to get ahead or successfully perform certain behaviors. [35] X Sources of Research If they find a way to get what they want, they will often return everything they need.
- For example, say you are indecisive and tend to lack confidence. If you and your narcissist have an argument about what the other person did wrong, and you confront them a few days later, they can deny it by saying, “Don’t be stupid, it’s not like that,” because they know that it will make you question your own point of view.
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Look at their love relationship. It is very difficult to live or work with someone with narcissistic personality disorder. People with NPD have problems in love relationships, as well as in work or school settings. [36] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Some recognize flaws in their perfect self, leading to depression or anxiety. [37] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source Suicidal thoughts complicate matters.
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Does the person abuse drugs or alcohol? When life is not going smoothly, narcissists are more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol. [38] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to source Check how much alcohol they drink or are on drugs.
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Distinguish between a malicious narcissist and a narcissist trying to be better. Although narcissism makes it very difficult to be a good person, some people with NPD are not necessarily bad people. [39] X Research Sources People with NPD can choose to be kind and respectful to others, even though their erroneous views make this difficult.
- This choice must be made by them. You cannot change them, and it is not your responsibility. Don’t waste time “fixing” someone when they don’t see anything wrong with their behavior.
- Notice whether the person is willing to reflect on his or her behavior, apologizes, shows concern for others, and treats others well. [40] X Research Source They can learn to be better with the people around them. [41] X Research Source
- Does not condone the abuse of words. No one deserves to be scolded by others, so stay away from them if they do.
Take care of yourself and those around you
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Find emotional help elsewhere. Right now you have to accept that your emotional needs will not be met by this person. [42] X Research Source Find a close friend or someone to talk to (e.g. a relative, counselor, monk) who is willing to listen and understand when you need to talk about your problems. his frustration. You have to build a network of friends to fill in the emotional gaps in your life.
- If your spouse has NPD, he will not share your joy with you every time you have an achievement at work because it has nothing to do with him personally. They even perceive your achievements negatively if they are not praised regularly at work. You should be prepared to receive contempt from him.
- Post a happy note on social media, or call your friends to share your joy.
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Learn how to improve your quality of life on your own. Every individual is unique, so you need to learn about narcissistic personality disorder and try to understand how narcissists see their world. Understanding this type of person helps you tailor your approach to him more, so that you get the results you want more often.
- Anticipate his reaction in specific situations, then create a script to get the desired outcome. Consider how he sees you in their world, then try to fit yourself into that mold. [43] X Research Source
- Do not bend too much to lead to the collapse, but let’s improvise to have a happy ending for both. Remember to use the saying she used to whisper to her niece when she got married: He will do whatever you want if you make him think it was his idea.
- The more you get to know and get to know the narcissist, the thinner the wall between the two of you, showing that you truly care about them, and ultimately benefiting both of you. [44] X Research Source
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Don’t ignore emotional gestures. You may find that the narcissist responds well to acts of goodwill but does not show your affection, but that doesn’t mean you have to ignore emotional gestures that come from your heart.
- In fact, he loves to show off to his co-workers about the loving message you put in his lunch box. But keep in mind that you’re unlikely to receive an attitude of gratitude when he comes home that evening.
- A considerate attitude will satisfy your need to show love without hurting you, provided you don’t expect him to reciprocate the gesture. [45] X Research Sources
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Seek advice from others. You’re on the right track to educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder. There are many support groups, books, and resources to help you find advice that will help you in this tumultuous relationship.
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Share ideas with others. You should remember that you are not the only one who has to live with a narcissist. You can share your opinion with his friends and colleagues, because they themselves are struggling to maintain a relationship with that person.
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Monitor his children. If you have young children living with a narcissist, you must try to keep them safe around this person. A narcissistic parent is often verbally or emotionally abusive. You must be aware of your child’s lack of social skills because of the behavior he causes. [46] X Research Resources Then you find ways to supplement or re-educate the child with that skill so that they don’t become narcissists later on.
Advice
- Usually men are susceptible to narcissistic personality disorder, but sometimes women are also present. [47] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
Warning
- If a person with NPD has suicidal thoughts, take him to the emergency room right away.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 18 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 13,219 times.
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) often initially come across as charming, sociable, and confident. [1] X Source of Research However, that charismatic personality will eventually fade, replaced by a selfish human image. [2] X Research Source Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self-Absorbed (2nd ed) by Wendy T. Nehary (2013) This type of person is difficult to deal with. According to experts, NPD is one of the most difficult mental illnesses to treat. [3] X Research Source If the person with NPD is a family member, boss, or someone you care about very much, then you are definitely looking for a way to settle down with them. [4] X Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self-Absorbed (2nd ed) Research Sources by Wendy T. Nehary (2013) You may have to choose how to adjust to living with the person with the disorder. narcissistic personality disorder, but it’s a thorny road.
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