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This article was co-written by Nicpette Tura, MA. Nicpette Tura is a mental & physical health expert, founder of The Illuminated Body, a physical, mental and emotional wellness counseling service in the San Francisco Bay Area. Nicpette is a 500-hour yoga teacher with expertise in Psychology & Mindfulness, a National Institute of Sports Medicine certified Restorative Exercise Specialist, and a balanced lifestyle expert. She holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a master’s degree in sociology from SJSU .
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 51,769 times.
When people feel inferior or belittled, people often show expressions of jealousy and hatred. This can cause awkward situations and make you feel guilty about your success. However, you can still foster positive relationships by talking openly with envious people and using strategies to help them overcome feelings of jealousy.
Steps
Dealing with jealous people
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Don’t take the incident as a personal attack. Understand that when someone is jealous of you, it’s their problem, not yours. You need to believe in yourself. Don’t let the jealous person affect your confidence or make you doubt yourself. [1] X Research Resources <i>Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness.</i> Hauck, Paul A. Westminster John Knox Press. 1981.
- Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t let anyone stop you.
- Focus on your supporters.
- Tell yourself that they’re jealous that you’re succeeding.
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Ignore jealous comments. It’s hard to do, but ignoring the haters’ comments is a way to show that you’re not encouraging their feelings. [2] X Research Source
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Face the envious person in your life frankly. If it’s impossible to ignore someone, handling the situation directly can help relieve jealousy. Talk openly about their behavior.
- “I hope we have a positive working relationship; what can I do to improve the situation?”
- “I appreciate your constructive criticism, but sometimes I feel you’re a little too harsh.”
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Limit negative interactions with jealous people. If you can change your environment or social activities, you can reduce the chances of that person influencing you. [3] X Research Sources
- Communicate with your supporters, so the other person is less likely to attack while you are in the group.
- When you see the person, politely say hello first, then leave.
- Befriend the person’s friends to make them feel like an outsider.
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Change your schedule so you don’t have to see the person in person. Take another route, use the restroom on a different floor, or see if you can change classes or shifts.
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Set boundaries. Don’t think that you have to continue to endure what the jealous person showers on you. You should set boundaries to create distance from the person. Set a mental limit on how much time you spend with the hater, then politely withdraw from the conversation. [4] X Research Sources
- Give yourself a minute to talk to them, then walk away saying “I have work to do”.
- Count the negative comments, and after 3 such sentences, end the conversation.
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Let the person know that you don’t accept negativity. While you don’t want to be rude or anger them further, you can make the jealous person change their behavior by letting them know how they feel about you.
- “I feel uncomfortable with the way you talk to me.”
- “The way you behave when we talk makes me feel uncomfortable. Can we change for the better?”
Help that person overcome jealousy
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Rise above those who envy and hate. No matter how negative the person is, you should still maintain a positive attitude toward them. Show them how to handle the situation better by setting an example. [5] X Research Sources
- Praise their positive points.
- Be courteous in all interactions with the person.
- Offer to help them improve their skills in an area where they envy you.
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Talk to them about your struggles. Some people think they are the only ones who have had unfortunate experiences. When you open up to them about your problems, you’re helping the jealous person realize that they’re not the only ones going through tough situations, so you can improve the relationship.
- Share about times when you failed.
- Discuss tasks that you find difficult.
- Ask the jealous person to do something for you to boost their confidence.
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Help the person to improve themselves. Jealousy often stems from a feeling of inferiority. Offering to mentor or guide them to improve their skills in an area where they envy you can help alleviate that feeling. Support their efforts so you don’t sound like you’re “condescending” by implying that you’re better than them. [6] X Research Sources
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Offer alternative solutions. If someone is jealous of what you have or what you are doing, offer them other options. We can’t always give people what they want. Be creative when thinking of other options for the person who is jealous of you. Try giving them multiple options to choose from. [7] X Research Sources
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Avoid posting inflammatory comments or photos on social media. You don’t have to stop using social media, but considering other people’s feelings can also help you ensure that what you post doesn’t sting and make others jealous.
Understand the source of jealousy and negativity
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Understand jealousy. People become jealous when they see someone having something they think should be theirs. Jealous people often blame the people around them without realizing that it was their feelings that hurt them. [8] X Research Sources
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Find out the source of the person’s jealousy. Jealousy. Much of it stems from fear. The fear of being looked down upon or being unloved can have a huge impact. You should find out what fear is feeding jealousy to understand its source. Jealousy can come from different causes: [9] X Research Source
- Material objects
- Personal connections
- Position in career
- Social status
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Frankly ask what upsets them. Gently approach the person who is envious of your success and ask them why. Don’t upset them further by being rude, but you need to be open and direct for best results. You can try one of the following suggestions to help them open up:
- “I noticed that his attitude was slightly different in my presence. Did I do anything to upset you?”
- “I want to make sure I don’t upset you. Is everything okay?”
- “You’re a sharp person, and I want to know if there’s something wrong with us.”
Distinguish jealousy from criticism
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Consider the source of the behavior. Think about the person who made the comments you consider jealous. If that person is your boss or coach, they are probably trying to improve you, not belittle you.
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Observe the person’s interactions with others. Some people are prone to paranoid jealousy. These people constantly show jealousy and may not understand what they say. [10] X Research Source
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Be willing to accept positive criticism. Even if you feel someone’s comment is too blunt or rude, you can still take constructive criticism. Appreciate your comments and keep a positive outlook.
Advice
- If someone is jealous of you, understand that you are probably doing very well, use this as motivation.
- Do not share any information with people who love themselves too much. These people are just waiting to capture negative information about you to use as a tool to influence how others perceive you. Please keep a safe distance and don’t share anything with them. If they are family members, talk about them so you don’t have to talk about yourself.
- Remember that haters are just people who have a negative attitude about what other people have, such as talent or passion, not because of their personality.
- You don’t have to change! You just have to be yourself!
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This article was co-written by Nicpette Tura, MA. Nicpette Tura is a mental & physical health expert, founder of The Illuminated Body, a physical, mental and emotional wellness counseling service in the San Francisco Bay Area. Nicpette is a 500-hour yoga teacher with expertise in Psychology & Mindfulness, a National Institute of Sports Medicine certified Restorative Exercise Specialist, and a balanced lifestyle expert. She holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a master’s degree in sociology from SJSU .
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 51,769 times.
When people feel inferior or belittled, people often show expressions of jealousy and hatred. This can cause awkward situations and make you feel guilty about your success. However, you can still foster positive relationships by talking openly with envious people and using strategies to help them overcome feelings of jealousy.
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