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This article was co-written by Donna Novak, Psy.D. Donna Novak is a licensed clinical psychologist in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in the treatment of anxiety, emotional and sexual problems. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Alliant-Los Angeles International University. Novak uses a differentiated model of treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation and self-confidence.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 3,814 times.
Everyone is embarrassed at times because everyone makes mistakes. Shyness can be the result of unwanted attention, a mistake, or being placed in a situation that upsets you. You may feel like hiding until the embarrassment is over, but there are better ways to deal with the problem. You can try to understand feeling embarrassed better, learn to laugh at yourself, and love yourself when you’re embarrassed.
Steps
Facing an embarrassing situation
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Assess the situation. How you handle an embarrassing situation depends on what happened to you. For example, if you did something wrong, like commenting inappropriately to a friend, you might feel embarrassed because you shouldn’t have said what you said. But if you feel awkward because you happened to do something, like walking fast and tripping over a group of people, that’s a different situation. Each situation requires a rather different approach to overcoming feelings of embarrassment. [1] X Research Source
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Forgive and stop putting pressure on yourself. After you have apologized (if necessary), you need to forgive yourself for what you did or said. Forgiving yourself is an important step in dealing with embarrassment because it will help you stop putting pressure on yourself. By forgiving yourself, you’re sending yourself the message that you’ve sincerely admitted the mistake and don’t need to hold on to it. [2] X Research Source
- Try saying to yourself, “I forgive myself for what I did. I’m just human and tend to make mistakes from time to time.”
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Distract yourself and others. When you don’t want to ignore the embarrassing thing you did or said, after assessing and facing the situation, you should think ahead. You can help yourself and others get over a previously embarrassing problem by changing the subject or encouraging them to do something else. [3] X Research Sources
- For example, after you’ve apologized and forgiven yourself for saying something inappropriate to your friends, ask them if they watched the news last night. Or, compliment them. Say: “Hey, I like your outfit. Where did you buy it?”
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Apologies if necessary. If you’ve done something wrong, you’ll need to apologize for your mistake. Apologizing can make you feel a little more embarrassed, but it’s important to face the initial embarrassment and move on. Make sure you apologize sincerely and directly. [4] X Research Sources
- Try saying: “I’m sorry for doing/saying that. I did not mean to. I will try to be more cautious in the future.”
Dealing with past shyness
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Reflect on the most embarrassing moment. While it can be painful to remember the most embarrassing things that have happened to you, it can be helpful to be aware of the times when you were embarrassed. Make a list of 5 embarrassing things that happened and compare them with the most recent case. [5] X Research Sources
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Laugh at yourself. Once you’ve created your list of embarrassing moments, allow yourself to laugh at yourself. Laughing at what you’ve done can be a liberating experience. By viewing them as silly things that happened in the past, you can help yourself let go of past feelings of embarrassment. [6] X Research Source
- For example, if you’ve ever walked through the lunchroom with a skirt folded into your underwear, try to laugh at the experience. Make an effort to see things from an outsider’s point of view and eliminate negative feelings. Realize that it’s just a silly mistake that can cause people to pretend to be surprised or even spout funny wine/water to show surprise.
- Try discussing an embarrassing moment with a trusted friend. It’s easier to laugh with someone if you tell them stories when they’re not around. It’s also a great way to listen to someone’s awkward moments.
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Love yourself. If you can’t laugh at what you did, try loving yourself. Acknowledge the embarrassment and talk to yourself like a good friend. Allow yourself to feel the embarrassment and understand the hurt that the situation has caused you. [7] X Research Sources
- Try to remind yourself of who you are and your core values. This can help you stay realistic and let go of your shyness and love yourself.
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Focus on the present. Once you’ve soothed yourself with a smile or love, focus on the present. Realize that the embarrassing moment is in the past. Try to focus your attention on what is happening in your life right now. Where are you? What are you doing? Who do you live with? How do you feel? Changing your focus to the present can help you stop clinging to what happened to you before. [8] X Research Sources
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Keep trying to be your best self. While shyness can be hurtful, it can also be rewarding for personal growth. If you did or said something wrong that embarrassed you, think about what you can do to avoid doing or saying something like that in the future. If you’ve made a harmless mistake with someone, realize you didn’t do anything wrong and move on.
- Try not to hold on to what you have done or said because clinging to the past can be more painful than the initial experience. [9] X Research Source
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Consider seeing a specialist. If you still can’t let go of your previous feelings of embarrassment despite your best efforts, consider getting help from your doctor. Maybe you’re facing something that requires constant effort, or the embarrassment is related to another way of thinking such as rumination or low self-esteem.
Understanding shyness
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Realize that shyness is normal. Feeling embarrassed can make you feel like there’s something wrong with you or that you’re lonely, but it’s important to remember that these feelings aren’t accurate. Embarrassment is a normal feeling as well as happiness, sadness, anger, etc. When you are embarrassed, remember that everyone has moments like that.
- To realize that shyness is a feeling everyone has, ask a parent or another trusted person to share with you a time when they were embarrassed. [10] X Research Source
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Understand that it’s okay for people to know you’re being embarrassed. One of the worst things about feeling awkward is when other people realize you’re awkward. Knowing that people realize you’re being embarrassed can make you even more embarrassed. This is because shyness makes you feel unprotected or vulnerable due to the fear of being criticized by others. [11] X Research Source Unlike shame, which can be both a public and personal issue, embarrassment is mostly a public issue [12] X Research Source . Try to remind yourself that There’s nothing wrong with people knowing that you’re embarrassed about something because this is a normal emotion.
- One way to understand the perceived judgment of others is to be realistic and ask yourself whether others are judging you or whether you are criticizing yourself [13] X Research Source .
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Understand that shyness can help. While being embarrassed is never a fun experience, being a little embarrassed every once in a while helps. Research has proven that people who blush when they do or say something wrong can be seen as more trustworthy. This is because they are demonstrating a sense of social norms. If you blush when you make a small mistake, don’t cling to it because it actually makes people see you in a more positive light. [14] X Research Source
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Consider the relationship between shyness and perfectionism. Perfectionism can contribute to feelings of embarrassment. Maybe you’re setting yourself to unrealistically high standards that make you feel like you’re failing if you don’t live up to them. Emotions of failure can lead to embarrassment, so it’s important to set a realistic standard for yourself. [15] X Research Source
- Remind yourself that you are the harshest critic. While it may seem like the world is watching and judging you, that is not a realistic view. Think about how much you pay attention to the little things that other people say and do. You will not be inclined to scrutinize others in the same way that you do to yourself. [16] X Research Source
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Think about the relationship between shyness and confidence. Confident people tend to experience less embarrassment than those who lack confidence. [17] X Research Source If you have low self-esteem, you may experience feelings of more embarrassment or severity than usual. Work on building confidence to reduce the level of embarrassment you feel every day.
- If you are extremely self-conscious, you may even find yourself dealing with shame, which is different from embarrassment. Shame is the result of a bad self-image, possibly from feeling embarrassed on a regular basis. [18] X Research Source Consider talking to a therapist if you feel like embarrassment has embarrassed you.
Advice
- Laugh with your lover/partner. Act like it doesn’t bother you and then people won’t think it’s a big deal.
- Don’t obsess over the little things. Small embarrassing things are nothing to hold on to. Try to let go of them and think forward.
- When something embarrassing happens, don’t take it seriously. This will only cause the problem to exist in the minds of others. Stay calm and don’t be impulsive.
- Don’t make a big deal out of it once you’re embarrassed. This will often make the other person remember the embarrassing situation forever. Be calm and don’t act rashly.
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This article was co-written by Donna Novak, Psy.D. Donna Novak is a licensed clinical psychologist in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in the treatment of anxiety, emotional and sexual problems. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Alliant-Los Angeles International University. Novak uses a differentiated model of treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation and self-confidence.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 3,814 times.
Everyone is embarrassed at times because everyone makes mistakes. Shyness can be the result of unwanted attention, a mistake, or being placed in a situation that upsets you. You may feel like hiding until the embarrassment is over, but there are better ways to deal with the problem. You can try to understand feeling embarrassed better, learn to laugh at yourself, and love yourself when you’re embarrassed.
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