How to Deal with Condescending People

Recognize condescending behavior. Expressions such as shouting, shouting, and making disparaging comments are clear signs of a bossy attitude. ^[11] However, in the work environment, people sometimes show disdain in more discreet ways, such as talking behind their backs or slandering others in a sarcastic way. Please point out those behaviors. You can also avoid such situations in the workplace by creating an environment that discourages gossip or laughter about co-workers, etc.

Ignore and skip. ^[12] If the person says something condescending but it’s not their habit, it’s probably best to ignore it. Everyone has times when they miss a word, or have a bad day, or unintentionally hurt others. If the comment only happened once, you should try to ignore it.

Change the attitude of supremacy. Sometimes you can deflect the other person’s condescension. If a coworker pretends to be smarter or more knowledgeable than you, talk to them in a way that makes those feelings useful. ^[13] Try saying something like:

• “Can you explain it to me?”
• “What do you think we should do?”
• “Perhaps you are the best person for this.”

Find support. ^[14] If you’re dealing with a coworker who raises his voice all the time, talk to your manager about the behavior. Try to find evidence such as emails that you have saved. If the person with that attitude is the manager, things can be more complicated. However, you can still find support from colleagues who are in a similar situation as you.

Find a way to have a face-to-face conversation. ^[15] To deal more effectively with a bossy colleague or manager, suggest setting up a private meeting to talk. If you don’t want to reveal the topic of the conversation in advance, state the reason for the meeting in a general way, like “workplace communication tactics.”

• You can also invite a manager present at the meeting to act as a mediator.

Speak up frankly. ^[16] If the person’s condescending attitude is interfering with your work, you need to tell the person. Stay polite, don’t get angry, but respond directly to the behavior. Try saying something like, “I value your abilities, I know you have a lot of experience in this area. But you know, sometimes it’s hard to ask you because I feel you don’t respect me when I don’t know something. I feel disrespected.”

Don’t get angry. If the coworker responds with even more condescension, you need to suppress feelings of wanting to retaliate. Pause for a few minutes to breathe, regain your composure, and assess the situation before continuing. ^[17]

Avoid judgmental gestures. ^[18] Nonverbal communication is always important, especially when you’re trying to handle conflict. When talking to coworkers about condescension, you should be mindful of your body language as well as your words. Avoid gestures like:

• Pointing
• Rolling eyes
• Cross your arms in front of your chest
• Stick your face close to the person’s face
• Get up and lean over someone while they’re sitting

Try to see things through the person’s eyes. ^[19] Sometimes people have a condescending attitude without realizing it. Try to move beyond your situation and feelings and understand your co-worker’s perspective.

• Suggest co-workers explain what they think or feel when saying what you feel is condescending.
• Be polite by saying something like, “Why don’t you tell me how you see it?”