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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 61,105 times.
Surely you will feel very uncomfortable when someone calls you with unpleasant or offensive names. Your feelings are easily hurt when someone criticizes, teases, or belittles you. You can completely confront the person who disrespects you and ask them to stop doing it and leave you alone. You just need to learn how to take care of yourself and know how to handle things when things happen.
Steps
Handling at the time of the incident
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Avoid reacting immediately. When someone acts disrespectfully towards you, deal with it by not reacting immediately. Responding or getting angry reinforces the person’s behavior. Your response is exactly what they want. [1] X Source of Research Furthermore, there is no benefit in expressing anger or negative feelings. It’s now easier to act or say something you might regret, [2] X Research Source or you could hurt yourself because of stress.
- Take a deep breath to regain your composure.
- Count to five slowly while trying to stay calm.
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Don’t retaliate. You probably want to respond with insults, too, but this only makes you as lowly as they are. Besides, this action also increases the stress level and cannot solve the problem. [3] X Research Sources
- Similar to reacting immediately, retaliation will give them what they want.
- Even though you feel compelled to do something, don’t respond to rude comments and posts online with negative posts.
- Avoid talking about that person. You may feel comfortable at the time of the conversation, but this will not help you solve the problem. [4] X Research Sources
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Ignore the incident. Sometimes silence is the most effective weapon. [5] X Research Source Ignoring the person who offended you takes away the satisfaction they expect from your response. Here’s how you won’t waste your time and energy on someone who doesn’t deserve it. Besides, their evil deeds will also be dislodged by your good gestures.
- Just act like the person never said anything.
- Continue what you’re doing and ignore them.
- That person will leave you alone after being ignored, unless it’s a thick-faced person.
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Ask the person to stop insulting. This is a straightforward way to let the person know you want them to stop the offensive behavior immediately. If ignoring the person doesn’t work or the situation really upsets or hurts you, asking the person to stop the insult right away can help solve the problem.
- Make sure you stay calm. Look them in the eye and speak in an assertive, confident, and clear voice.
- For example, if you are insulted by a peer, take a few deep breaths and then calmly say, “Stop insulting me.”
- To a coworker, you might say, “I don’t like or appreciate the way you talk to me and about myself. I want you to stop insulting me now.”
- If it’s a friend with no ill intentions, you can say, “I know you didn’t mean anything bad to me, but what you said hurt me. Don’t insult me like that again.”
Make a plan to solve the problem
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Find out why the person does it. People who offend others often do this for a number of reasons. They don’t always intentionally and want to hurt you. [6] X Research Source Understanding the person’s motivations can help you determine how to deal with them.
- Some people do it out of insecurity or jealousy. They want to feel better about themselves by insulting others. [7] X Research Sources
- Some people act like this because they want to impress someone or get noticed. [8] X Research Source For example, when a colleague criticizes your work in front of your boss.
- Others don’t realize they’re doing this or don’t know how to communicate. For example, an elderly woman will say, “Nice shirt. It covers your belly.”
- Sometimes other people don’t really want to treat you badly or hurt your feelings. They just saw it as innocuous teasing. For example, a friend might call you “short-legged”. [9] X Research Source
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Clearly define limits. Some comments can be annoying, but they are still to be ignored. Others are really rude and hurtful enough to make you speak up. [10] X Research Source Setting boundaries will help you determine how to deal with the situation.
- For example, even though being insulted by your brother makes you uncomfortable, you know he didn’t mean it badly and didn’t mean to hurt you. You probably don’t want to talk to him about this, unless it’s beyond your limits.
- However, when a coworker always says rude things that make you angry, you need to speak up.
- If the insults are discriminatory or frequent, the person is crossing the line and their actions should be reported.
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Talk to colleagues and peers. Someone who insults you even if they don’t know you well may be doing it with malicious intent (or they’re just annoying). Don’t argue, let them know it’s not welcome.
- If possible, talk to them in private. This leaves them with no opportunity to “act” in front of others and helps maintain respect for both of them.
- You could say, “During the discussion, you made some harsh comments about my idea. I appreciate constructive feedback, but not insults. Don’t do that again.”
- If the person starts insulting you while you’re trying to talk about their behavior, stop the conversation.
- If the behavior continues or gets worse, you need to report it to your supervisor.
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Be frank with friends and siblings. Even though it all starts with innocuous teasing, things can go too far and you need to ask the person to stop their actions immediately. Don’t laugh when you ask them to stop or use offensive language. The person will not take your request seriously and their offensive behavior will continue. Be direct and ask the person to stop in a clear, calm voice.
- For example, “Hahaha. Stop it, kid” is not a good way to ask someone to stop insulting you.
- Instead, look them in the eye and say in a calm, serious voice, “That’s enough. I know you find it funny, but this bothers me and I want you to stop.”
- If the person doesn’t stop immediately, you can keep saying “I’m serious” and walk away. That person will probably run after you and apologize. Sometimes those closest to us don’t know when we’re serious.
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Show more respect for adults. Sometimes your parents, teachers or superiors insult you without even knowing it. Let these people know that their words affect you and you want them to stop. This helps the person to be aware of what they are doing and how you are feeling. This is also an important step in dealing with the situation in the long run. [11] X Research Source
- Talk to your human resources department at work and see what they have to say about how to deal with insults from your boss.
- Talk to that person privately when you feel comfortable doing this. This is a way to reduce the awkwardness in the conversation between two people.
- Say, “When you say my job is silly, it really pisses me off.” Or, “I know I don’t usually get things done on time, but don’t say I’m lazy. It’s hard for me to get hurt’.
- Tell another adult you trust or human resources when you are uncomfortable talking privately with the person who offended you, or if you feel they are intentionally insulting you.
Take care of yourself
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Don’t mind. A person’s words are a reflection of who they are, not you. If the person is happy, they won’t take the time to offend those around them. Moreover, that person will offend many others, not just you. If you let their insults affect you, they win. Don’t allow what the person says to lower your self-esteem or make you feel bad about yourself. [12] X Research Source
- Repeat the good things about yourself by listing your positive personality traits.
- Write down what the person says about you. For each insult, write three things that prove the statement is not true.
- List all the good things other people say about you.
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Use stress management methods. It can be stressful to be offended by someone, especially if it happens often. Learn and apply some stress reduction techniques to help you deal with the person who offended you and the stress they bring to you.
- Practice deep breathing and meditation to help you stay calm in the presence of the person.
- Practice mindfulness because it helps you manage stress and even helps you ignore the person when they bother you.
- Try some physical activity like walking or swimming to relieve stress.
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Help me. You should tell someone about the incident and remember to help when someone regularly insults or behaves rudely to you. Tell someone when the person who offends you is someone more authoritative such as a teacher, parent, or superior. Asking for help works in many ways. Others can protect you when it happens or report it. [13] X Research Source
- You should tell someone you trust about what’s going on. Provide detailed information so they can understand the situation. Ask them for help in dealing with the person who offended you.
- It can be as simple as asking a friend to be present when you want to ask the person who offended you to stop what they did.
- You can also get help by reporting the incident to the appropriate authority.
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Meet positive people. Spending time with someone with a good attitude is a great way to deal with the stress of being offended by others. This is also a way to help you take care of yourself. Feelings of stress also decrease when you meet positive people. Your mind no longer thinks about the person who offended you and the feelings they caused you. [14] X Research Source
- Try to hang out and talk to people who regularly help you feel better about yourself.
- Don’t just talk about the person who offended you – do something fun!
Warning
- If the offensive language is related to race, age, gender or disability, you need to document the information and report the incident.
- If you feel threatened or physically hurt, contact the authorities immediately.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 61,105 times.
Surely you will feel very uncomfortable when someone calls you with unpleasant or offensive names. Your feelings are easily hurt when someone criticizes, teases, or belittles you. You can completely confront the person who disrespects you and ask them to stop doing it and leave you alone. You just need to learn how to take care of yourself and know how to handle things when things happen.
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