How to Deal with a Boyfriend Who Behaves Roughly When Angry

Set your limits. When drawing boundaries, you should be as forthright as possible and list what behaviors are unacceptable. Look your boyfriend in the eye and be firm but calm so he knows the boundaries you set must be respected. You can try practicing speaking first to feel more confident when it’s time to talk to him.

No insults or curses will be accepted. Such words are an expression of control and humiliation, completely unacceptable in a healthy relationship. Strictly speaking, having the other person insult you about your looks, intelligence, opinions, or choices is emotional abuse. ^[1] When your boyfriend calls you abusive names, stop what you’re doing, look him straight in the eye, and say emphatically, “Never call me that again.” again”. You don’t have to answer any questions or explain anything; repeat what you mean until he understands. ^[2]

• Insults not only cause painful emotional wounds but are also silently destructive in the long run, because it hurts your self-esteem and makes you dependent on your boyfriend.
• Never blame yourself for your boyfriend’s harsh words, and don’t start to think he’s right. Let’s say your boyfriend calls you fat when you’re arguing, don’t believe it.

Absolutely no swearing is allowed. Swearing during an argument is like waving a red scarf in front of a bull; it only allows negative emotions to escalate. When your boyfriend swears at you, the bad energy that comes out will make you feel embarrassed and stressed. You should use “I” statements to tell your boyfriend that you don’t mind letting him swear.

• You could say something like, “I know you’re upset that I didn’t call you back, but I don’t accept your swearing because it makes me uncomfortable to hear those words.”

Do not shout loudly. Screams only add to the tension and often make you feel angry, scared, or defensive. However, sometimes people who get angry don’t even realize they’re raising their voices. Use the subject line “I” to set limits and tell your boyfriend that you don’t accept the shouting.

• Try saying, “I won’t let you yell at me. I get angry when you yell at me, and it doesn’t help. I’ll tell you after both you and I calm down.”
• If your boyfriend denies that you didn’t scream, have a tape recorder ready to listen to later. When you replay the tape, gently explain that you’re not talking about what he said on the tape, you’re just playing it back to let him know how loud you were.

Don’t let your boyfriend blame you. This behavior is not beneficial because it interferes with communication and reduces problem solving. When angry, your boyfriend may blame you, tell you how bad you are, and make you feel inferior. Set boundaries and let your boyfriend know that you don’t accept the blaming behavior. You can do this with sentences that have the subject “I”.

• Tell your boyfriend how you feel when he puts all the blame on you. For example, you could say, “I feel really upset when you blame me for everything between you and me.”
• Next, use a sentence with the subject “I” to tell your boyfriend that you will no longer accept the blaming behavior. Say, “I don’t think blaming each other is going to solve the problem. From now on, I won’t accept you blaming me to vent.”

See anger in a different light. You can eliminate the electrical brain signals that cause negative emotions by looking at your boyfriend’s anger in a different light. Tell yourself, “Maybe he has a lot of bad luck today.” By deliberately looking for a different perspective, you can change your emotional response and avoid becoming negative.

• It’s not always easy to empathize with someone who’s acting rough and hot, but by seeing their anger differently, you can keep yourself from falling into a defensive attitude.
• Try saying things like, “He’s working hard,” or “That’s just his way of coping.” That way, you won’t feel like you’re being blamed.
• Just because you sympathize with your boyfriend’s anger doesn’t mean you accept it. Once you understand that it’s not your fault, find healthy ways to deal with the problem, such as setting limits or temporarily avoiding it.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Often your boyfriend’s words will leave you feeling angry, frustrated, scared, or helpless. Avoid these feelings by accepting yourself and how you have chosen to deal with your boyfriend’s anger. Tell yourself that even if you can’t handle his anger, it’s okay.

• For example, if you feel guilty about telling your boyfriend you can’t help him, say to yourself, “I wish I could help him, but I need to take care of myself. myself, even though I know he’s still angry.”

Take note of your anger level. Your boyfriend’s rude and short-tempered behavior may also make you angry. You may accidentally “provoke” or “find his hair” and this will make him even more agitated. Pay attention to your words and nonverbal language to make sure you don’t throw your anger at your boyfriend.

• Avoid sentences that begin with the phrase “I always…” and don’t criticize or mock your boyfriend’s behavior. Such sentences are based solely on anger and only add fuel to the fire.
• You can list your boyfriend’s triggers (or things that annoy him) and observe how your behavior affects him.
• Don’t stoke your or your boyfriend’s anger. Don’t intentionally “poison” him.