How to deal with a bossy boss

When you have a superior boss, it can be difficult for you to feel comfortable and productive. The good news is that even if you feel helpless, you can still deal with it. There are many ways that you can work to get along with an overbearing boss, even “overstepping” to put an end to this. This wikiHow puts together a list of tools and strategies that can help you deal with a difficult boss.

Table of Contents

Keep the head “cold”.

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Try not to react negatively. Keep a “cold” head to avoid reacting negatively or upset to your boss’s condescending behavior or words. Whatever you do, don’t get angry or walk away. Instead, focus on staying calm as much as possible. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Trying to focus on controlling your breath and taking deep breaths will help calm you down.

Smile and respond with something positive.

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Respond to condescension with kindness. Put on a big smile and respond to your boss’s impolite attitude with something positive. Only positive energy is effective enough for them to self-regulate their behavior. ^{[2] X Research Source}

For example, if your boss says something like, “I really need you to finish this report twice as fast as you normally would,” you might respond, “No problem! This report will be my top priority.”
Try not to mock your superiors. You should just focus on being positive and relaxed.

Share their discomfort.

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Agreeing with your boss’s feelings can help balance an adverse situation. Show them that you understand this condescending behavior comes from stress and frustration at work. Help your boss release negative feelings by saying that you understand why they’re upset. He/she may realize that you are indeed on their side and will feel better. ^{[3] X Harvard Business Review Trusted Source Go to Source}

You can say, “Yes, I know how bad this is” or “I know why you are tired. I’ll try to finish it for you.”

Focus on solving the problem at hand.

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Try to come up with a solution to the problem that caused the boss to behave in an unpleasant way. Show them that you’re still involved and working to find possible solutions to the problem or problem you’re discussing. Direct negative energy away from you by trying to solve the problem. The boss will also focus on the current job instead of continuing to criticize you. ^{[4] X Harvard Business Review Trusted Source Go to Source}

For example, if your boss tells you, “I don’t see you bothering about sending the client information about the project,” you might respond, “I’ll check again and resend it as soon as I can. they haven’t received it.”
If your boss pushes your frustration about the larger company problem onto you, redirect it by saying, “I see that as a problem, too. I think if the executive board makes a new policy, maybe everyone will implement it more uniformly.”

Step back to assess your superior’s behavior.

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Assess whether your superiors are intentionally condescending. Some people are inherently more rude or impatient than others. Take a moment to assess whether your boss is really bossy or if you’re just perceiving in that direction. Try to look at things objectively and don’t put emotions in. Sometimes you may have misunderstood what they said or did. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

If your boss sends you an email saying, “I need this survey done by this week,” he’s probably really in a hurry and needs it ASAP.
Even if you’re sure they’re being condescending, it’s always better to think back and judge carefully before deciding to do something.

Imagine things from their point of view.

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Try putting yourself in your boss’s shoes to understand why they’re upset. Try to think about what they have to deal with at work, as well as the pressures of being in that position. While not exactly an excuse, it will help you understand why your boss is behaving in a way that seems condescending to you. ^{[6] X Research Source}

Switching perspectives also helps you better control your emotions and avoid being annoyed by their words or actions.

Try to interact face-to-face if possible.

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This can help prevent situations where miscommunication or misinterpretation occurs. Tone and intent can easily disappear in emails, Slack messages, or any other form of written communication in the workplace. Try to discuss work problems directly with your boss as much as possible. This way, you’ll better understand how your boss is talking about something and whether or not they’re really being condescending. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

If your boss sends you an email that you think has a condescending tone, find a way to meet them in the office and ask again to see if that’s true.

Pay attention to your superiors.

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Try not to keep quiet because they’ll think you don’t care. Don’t just sit there and suffer when your boss starts shouting at you. This response is like you don’t care or take your boss seriously. Watch as he/she speaks and respond if they ask questions. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

For example, if your boss says, “I asked you to send this report in email today, but you didn’t get it right. Didn’t you hear me? Or are you just not interested?”, you can answer like this: “No, I heard you, I just didn’t make it in time to send it to you.”
It can be extremely difficult and frustrating to interact with someone who is being condescending, but it’s important that you don’t stay silent or lose focus.

Stand up for yourself.

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Resist a little, but don’t go too far. If your boss really looks down on you, don’t just mumble and bear it. Answer the questions and try to make them understand. If you don’t agree with something your boss says, you should respond. Try not to be rude or get caught up in an argument, but don’t be afraid to stand your ground either. ^{[9] X Research Source}

If your boss says, “I don’t see why you can’t finish this report. Is this too much for you?”, you might reply, “No! This report isn’t too complicated, maybe it’s because you don’t understand exactly what I want.”
If your boss is wrong about something and says, “You still haven’t finished the project? Why can’t I finish the assignment on time?”, say slowly, “You said you’ll need to see it next Friday, so I think I have plenty of time.”

Talk to your boss privately.

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Sometimes we don’t realize our own overreaction. If your boss is consistently condescending toward you, offer to speak to them privately. Consider recent situations in which your boss has spoken or acted arrogantly. ^{[10] X Source of Research} You need to re-visualize clearly to be able to speak to your superiors correctly. Let’s say the way your boss acts makes you feel uncomfortable and affects your performance, so you hope they can moderate it.

To request a private meeting with your boss, say, “Can we talk a bit in the office when you have time?”
You can also practice saying something like this: “I really felt down when you humiliated me in front of the entire staff at the last meeting.”
Or “I really want to do a good job, but if you continue to criticize me like that, it will be difficult for me to concentrate.”
Try to practice in front of the mirror so that you can speak more fluently when meeting your boss.

Record the behavior of superiors.

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It can be helpful if you need to report on the behavior of your superiors. If your boss is a really annoying person and raises your voice at you all the time, take notes each time it happens. Summarize what he/she has said or done to you into a written document. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Go to human resources if things get too serious.

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Explain how your boss’s behavior affects your work. If, after talking privately, your boss still hasn’t changed his behavior, it may be time to raise the issue with your manager or a human resources representative. However, keep in mind that the human resources department is always inclined to protect the company rather than just an average employee. Therefore, you need to prepare irrefutable evidence of superior behavior to support your words. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Talking to HR can be a bit extreme, but if you’ve tried all the solutions and the situation still doesn’t improve, this may be your only glimmer of hope.

Advice

Save a copy of an email or slanderous note your boss sends you in case you need it.
If you’re not sure, try asking other coworkers if your boss is behaving condescendingly.

Warning

Don’t yell or threaten your boss as you could get fired.

Steps