How to Deal with a “Back Stab”

Keep calm. Sometimes people do nasty things, and sometimes this leads to betrayal. Reacting with indignation doesn’t fix the situation. It’s better for you, both now and in the long run, to stay calm and focus on the real issue. Don’t ignore the situation, but keep your daily life free from the obsession of excessive behavior.

Encourage the good side of the backstabber. Being nice to your backstabber may be the most undesirable thing to do, but if you calmly and honestly acknowledge some of their points of view, this can fix the situation. Many people with elusive personalities, including backstabbers, feel they have to resort to sneaking around and influencing others because their direct contributions are not appreciated. . ^[3]

• Invite that person to join your activities. Doing something fun and distracting will make the backstabber feel welcome again.

Ask to speak directly to the backstabber. Reach out to your backstabber in private, or send an email or text if you don’t have a chance to speak in person. Tell him politely that you want to talk about what happened recently. Then set up a private meeting.

Describe the situation honestly without making the other person feel threatened. Describe the incidents that bothered you, and how they affected you. Ask the other person to confirm it. For example, did the right person send a certain message?

• Avoid starting the conversation with the subject of the person opposite, this can make the backstabber feel accused and will take precautions. ^[4] Instead, use statements like: “I’ve seen some untrue rumors about me lately.”

Listen to the other person’s story. Maybe your friend doesn’t want to be mad at you forever. Let them tell the story from their point of view and don’t interrupt or get angry. Chances are you’re the one at fault or the situation is more complicated than you think.

Apologize for the things you did wrong. Even if you think your friend is more at fault, consider the situation from that person’s perspective. Apologize if you misunderstood your friend or accidentally hurt them, although you may only be responsible for one of many incidents.

Forgive your friend when you feel you’re ready. If you want to restore your friendship, you need to forgive each other’s mistakes. Even if you can’t restore the relationship, forgiveness helps you move on and not be haunted and stressed by the betrayal.

Talk about your friendship and all the problems that happened. Be honest and open and have a private conversation whenever you feel like something is wrong. If either of you is unhappy about specific behaviors or patterns in the relationship, tell the other person how you feel.

Ready for change. When you talk to each other about relationship problems, each of you must be willing to make changes to improve trust and happiness between the two of you. You may need to find another activity if the activity you usually participate in makes the other person feel uncomfortable. If your friend says that what you say often makes them feel uncomfortable, focus on that in conversation and try to avoid calling the other person nicknames, tone of voice, or habits that make the other person uncomfortable. feeling uncomfortable.

• Mistakes happen, especially when trying to break old habits. Apologize when you make a mistake and forgive your friend when they make a mistake.

If all of the above fail, end the relationship . Sometimes, you can’t restore the trust that betrayal took from a friendship. If you’ve tried your best and it still doesn’t help, you need to find a way to get over it.

• In this regard, you must have at least one conversation about your betrayal and friendship. If your friend isn’t ready to fix the situation, stop talking to him or her.
• If you both tried to restore the friendship, but still failed, the other person may already know why you failed. Calmly let them know that things are not going to work out, and then cut off contact with them.
• Sometimes, you can let a friendship fade naturally. Reduce inviting that friend to events, and limit answering the phone every time the person calls. Ignoring them can completely hurt them, but slowly letting things fade will still have the same results but with less damage to the other person.

Don’t let co-workers interfere with your work. Focus on the work you can do without a coworker, and don’t let your anger creep into your work relationship or other responsibilities. Don’t give someone a chance to be angry or frustrated with you.

Give backstabbers positive ways to contribute. Most backstabbers are not psychopaths and antisocial, but just people who think that being crooked is the only way to climb. Honestly acknowledge the person’s positive contributions, and encourage those behaviors.

• During a meeting or conversation, ask the backstabber to talk about topics they know a lot about.
• Praise the person when they have suggestions or suggestions that you agree with. Remember to only do this when you really feel like it, not go overboard and flatter them.
• If the backstabber is treating you with rough gestures, stop and change the method. Some people don’t like changing their behavior, in this case, there are only a few things you can do.

Have a private discussion with the backstabber about the situation. Please describe the adverse effects on you personally, caused by those incidents, in person or by email. Make it clear and see if the other person is mature enough to discuss it with you.

• Avoid letting your words become an accusation. Use passive sentences like “I noticed that the project was not completed in time” instead of active sentences like “You did not complete the project.” ^[5]

Save your statements. The profile can be named “Protect Yourself”. You should be prepared with detailed information about the events that have occurred. If co-workers don’t accept the facts as real, show them emails or other documents, if any, to prove you’re right.

• If the backstabber still tries to deny the evidence, find a witness to confirm.