How to Deal When Your Ex Is Obsessed With You

Don’t contact your ex. ^{[6] [7]} When your ex is obsessed, they may try to get in touch with you intimately, such as calling or texting you, sending you gifts … If you respond, even saying “Leave me alone”, your ex can still understand that you still have feelings. The best way to deal with an ex who is obsessed with you is to avoid all contact.

• It’s best not to answer calls, texts, e-mails…. Ignore them and delete them.
• If your ex sends you gifts or other items, don’t thank them or return them. Just throw them away.

Remove your ex’s name from your contacts and friends list on social networks. Social media creates a huge network of connections, which can make it harder to deal with your ex. Your ex may try to contact you through social media or through mutual friends. The best thing you can do is remove your ex’s name from your social media friends: you don’t want the person to contact you, and you don’t want to see the content on their profile either.

Stay away from your ex. Avoiding face-to-face meetings can be an effective way to deal with your ex who is obsessed with you. If the person doesn’t get a chance to see you, their obsession may end. That means you will have to change the way you live or the places you often visit. ^[8] For example, if you think you’ll run into your ex at a familiar coffee shop, you can find another one for yourself. This can be a bit difficult, but the good side of it is that you can discover many new places and start from scratch. ^[9]

Realize when the situation has become tense. If you feel like your ex has gone too far, like stalking you, for example, then the situation has become serious. When this happens, you need to seek help. Clinging is very different from being obsessed, as it also includes persistent insults or abuse. ^{[10] [11]} Legally, stalking occurs when someone repeatedly (twice or more) approaches you, or contacts you when you have mentioned it. Tell the person not to do this, or threaten you (verbally, in writing, or implicitly) that scares or worries you. ^[12] If you are a victim of stalking, call the police. Stalking is illegal in all states of the United States. If necessary, you should learn the applicable laws in Vietnam. ^[13] Common signs of clinginess include:

• Follow you.
• Hang around near your home, work, or other familiar places.
• Install tracking devices at home, in your car… Or threaten to do so.
• Contacting you in inappropriate ways, such as calling your boss to talk about your relationship.
• Verbal abuse or abuse, leaves obscene messages, or attempts to contact you inappropriately.
• Insulting you, or your loved one through social media comments, hacking into your e-mail or social media accounts…
• Harm your pet.
• Vandalism or destruction of your personal property.
• Physically or sexually assaulting you.
• Do any of the above with relatives, friends, co-workers or people who know you.

Offer protection if needed. ^[14] Protection orders are ordered by the court to prevent someone from contacting you. If your ex violates the order, he or she can be arrested and fined, or imprisoned. If your ex is threatening you or everyone around you, contact your local authorities to get a protection order. The laws governing those orders may vary by region, but you can learn more by contacting:

• Police
• Lawyer
• Legal support service
• Community service that specializes in violence

Contact the police if there are signs of threat. ^{[15] [16]} Whether you have a protection order or not, if your ex puts you or your loved one in danger, call the police immediately.

• While the police may not think the situation you’re in is dangerous, be consistent with reporting your ex’s behavior. Explain the gravity of the situation and link to any previous reports.

Use the police report as evidence. If you are being stalked by your ex, call the police and fully explain what is happening. It is important that you have an official police report, which will help you get a protection order or sue later. ^[17]

• Report the clinging behavior as specifically as possible. Save e-mails, messages, and social media posts that are offensive to you. Take screenshots of Facebook posts or tweets, as users can delete them later. If your ex shows up at your home or work, write down the date and time it happened. Record each time you were insulted by your ex for evidence of a lawsuit. ^[18]

Get help from others. Letting everyone know about this will help protect you. You may feel embarrassed or afraid to tell others about being stalked by your ex, but friends, family, and community organizations will understand. They can also help you look out for the signs when your ex gets back in touch, give you a place to stay when you need it, give you emotional support, and help you in other ways. ^[19]

• If you are concerned about your safety at work or school, let your head of human resources or school counselor know. Most companies have a regime to protect you, for example sending a security guard to your car, or not letting your ex in if they show up at work.