How to Criticize Constructively

Constructive criticism is an art. It is a way to encourage positive behavior without criticizing or attacking the person receiving the feedback. If you want to master the skills of criticism, you must keep a positive tone and focus on clear and achievable goals. While there are many ways to give constructive criticism, everyone is different, so you should tailor your feedback based on what you know about the person.

Table of Contents

Criticize only when you have a clear purpose

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Before criticizing, ask yourself, “What is my purpose?” Once you’ve identified what you hope to achieve, you’ll know where to focus your conversation. If you don’t have a clear purpose in mind, you run the risk of overloading the other person with redundant information or making them feel under pressure. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Maybe you want a certain behavior to change. For example, you might want an employee to stop breaking company rules or a student who doesn’t yell at his classmates when he gets too excited.
Your purpose can also be to help someone improve. For example, you might want to advise a colleague on how to communicate with a client or help a teacher under the management of a class.
If you don’t have a reasonable answer to the question “What’s the point here?”, you probably don’t need to offer any criticism. Even if you have criticism in your head, it is not necessary to say it.

Pay attention to the tone when speaking

What you say is important, but how you say it is just as important. If the other person perceives you as well-meaning and friendly, they will be much more likely to accept your suggestions. It’s very difficult to improve if people feel attacked for making mistakes, so keep your voice low, maintain a gentle demeanor, and try to use your tone so that the other person feels respected and appreciated. right price. ^{[2] X Research Source}

There are cases when a harsh or strict tone is needed. If you catch your child playing with fireworks or an employee swearing in front of customers, you must emphasize the seriousness of the problem.

Talk to that person privately

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Praise in public and criticize in private for best results. No one likes to be criticized for doing a bad job in front of others, so it’s a good idea to talk privately to help relieve the stress of the person being criticized. You can invite that person into the office or ask someone to stop by at lunchtime to talk, and remember to include a smile. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

If you criticize someone in front of others, that person may feel like they are being scolded or stigmatized. The chances of having a productive conversation are much higher if there are no other people around to witness.

Start with a compliment

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Find a great spot to talk about that person. If you’re going to criticize an employee for sales, start by acknowledging their efforts to the job. If you want to criticize the person’s rudeness, you can start by complimenting their aggressiveness. A positive comment that opens the conversation will put the person at ease and receptive before you get to the heart of the matter.

If you’re talking to your child, say, “I love you so much and I’m glad you’re studying hard, but the teacher just called me…”
When criticizing an employee, say, “I think you’re excellent in sales, and you’re doing a great job, but I wanted to remind you of the company’s time rules…”
To give feedback to a friend, you could say, “I know you love me and you know I love you too, but one thing that’s been bothering me lately is…”

Use the subject “I” to create a positive feeling

Use the subject “I” when giving criticism so as not to put the other person on the defensive. If you’re just starting out with a flurry of “you” and “you” criticisms, people may feel like you’re attacking or cornering them. Start with a sentence with the subject “I” to put things in your perspective. That way, you won’t seem like you’re trying to force the other person, and they’ll be more receptive to your input. ^{[4] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

For example, instead of saying, “You have to stop talking to your dad like that,” you could say, “It makes me sad to hear you talk to him like that.”
If you’re talking to a friend, don’t say “You never pick up the phone when I call”. The results may be better if you say, “I feel like we don’t talk as much as I would like.”

Give them a chance to critique themselves

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One way of opening a criticism is to let the other person speak first. You can ask them a question that assumes what they would say if you acted like them, or encourage them to look at their behavior in a new light. This is a great way if you’re worried that the other person feels attacked or pressured. It’s also a good idea if you’re not sure if the other person knows what they did wrong. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

If your employee gets into trouble at work, you can say, “If you were a manager and had an employee who had a lot of complaints from customers, how would you handle the situation?” or “If you had to evaluate your own performance, what would you say?”
If you’re talking to your child, you might say, “If you saw your classmate doing this, what would you think of her?”
If you’re talking to a friend, you might ask, “How would you feel if your friends talked about you behind your back?”

Relate criticism to their goals

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You will convince the other person by emphasizing the benefits of taking feedback. If your criticism seems completely unrelated to the other person’s goals, they won’t be receptive. Ask yourself, “What does this person need?” Before (or after) giving criticism, you should explain to them how your feedback will help them achieve their goals to convince them. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

To an employee who often doesn’t get the job done on time, you could say, “I know you’re looking for a promotion, so I thought we could talk a little bit about what you could change. to get what you want. How do you feel?”
If a coworker is consistently late at work, you can say, “I remember you said you were trying to increase sales. I have an idea that might help you. Do you want to talk?”
If you’re talking to your child, you could say, “I know you want to go to summer camp with your friends, but if you don’t get promoted, you’ll have to take extra classes this summer.”

Criticize behavior, not people

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People are often more likely to change if they don’t feel personally attacked. We don’t always behave the way we are and the way we see ourselves. By focusing only on what the other person has done, you will be more likely to make the other person change. The other person won’t react well if they feel like you’re demeaning or challenging themselves. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, instead of telling a struggling salesperson, “You don’t have a good customer relationship,” you might say, “I think you could improve the way you communicate with customers.”
As another example, instead of telling a sloppy co-worker, “You look sloppy,” you could say, “I don’t think I would choose to wear that to work. I meant…”
This is especially important if you are giving advice to someone you love or a family member. Don’t say “You treat me so badly!”, say “I don’t like you talking to me like that.”

Be honest about the seriousness of the problem

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If for some important reason you criticize them, speak up. However, if the problem is not so important, you should admit it. If someone breaks a small rule at work and they probably don’t even know they’re wrong, don’t act like the sky is about to fall. However, if someone behaves in a way that endangers the safety of others or your job, you must take your criticism very seriously. Adjust language and tone based on the severity of the problem. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

You might say to an employee who is often a few minutes late to work, “Listen, I know this sounds petty, but I would appreciate it if you swiped your card at exactly 9 o’clock and not at 9:04. or nine hours and two minutes.”
For a more serious error, such as an employee being rude to a customer, you could say, “I need to be frank with you about this. The company never allows employees to talk to customers like that. It affects the reputation of the company.”
If you criticize children, it is important that you emphasize why you must remind them. If they do something dangerous, you need to let them know how serious it is.

Acknowledgment of external actors

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Your acknowledgment of other factors helps the other person take responsibility. If the person is having a difficult time at home, say that you understand they are struggling with personal issues. If they do it out of pressure, admit that you might as well, but you still need to talk. This is the key for them to understand the essence of what you want. ^{[9] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

For example, if you want to give your husband advice because he doesn’t do housework, you could say, “I know you’re working hard at work. I also know that you contribute a lot to the family, but if you help me wash the dishes from time to time, it will help me.”
If you’re talking to kids, you can say, “I know you’re so happy sometimes, but next time you come over, don’t do that.”
You might say to a tired night shift worker, “I know it’s hard working the night shift and it’s hard to get enough rest, but since I saw you sleeping on the job, we need to talk about it. this.”

Be specific about future changes

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Give the person specific steps to take. If your criticism is not clear or specific, it will be difficult for the other person to effectively follow through with your comments. Once you’ve provided criticism, you need to provide actionable suggestions for improvement. You can even offer to help them take a few steps! ^{[10] X Research Source}

For example, you might remind an employee who often forgets their uniform accessories, “Next time before you leave the house, be sure to check your bag for a name tag. If you forget, you can come up to me to get a backup name tag.”
If your roommate is too lazy to do housework, you can say, “Spring’s done cleaning the kitchen, I’ll clean the bathroom. Can you sweep the yard every week?”

Say you trust them

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You can say this at the beginning or end of a criticism, as long as it makes the other person feel supported. If the person thinks you don’t trust them, they will feel bad about themselves after being criticized. If your goal is to help the person get better, say that you appreciate their effort and know they can do what you ask.

For example, you could end a conversation with a struggling student by saying, “I know you’re a smart and hardworking student. I believe in you, and I’m sure you can do it!”
You might say to an employee who is lacking in confidence, “You are indispensable on the team, and I know you have the ability to do better.”

Respond to concerns with understanding

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Giving the other person a chance to respond is essential. If it doesn’t feel like talking, the other person will feel they weren’t being treated fairly after the conversation is over. You should give them a chance to respond or talk about how they are feeling. Even if you think they are incorrect, or they focus on another aspect of your criticism, it is important for them to feel that you are listening.

You can close the conversation with something like, “Do you think that’s fair?” or “How do you feel about this?” and let the other person share how they feel.
If the other person seems depressed after the conversation, you can say something like, “I understand why you are frustrated. Me too, but we still need to work this out.”
If they’re defensive or annoyed by the criticism, try to calm the situation down a bit and remind them that you just want to help. You might say, “I don’t want to put you down. I just want to help. I apologize if I have caused a misunderstanding.”
If the person gets into a frenzy and starts screaming or acting out of control, you need to stay calm, try to help them relax, and let it go. Obviously this person will not be receptive to a productive conversation.

Advice

“Sandwich” feedback (negative feedback alternating with positive feedback) is often effective when you are giving someone advice in everyday life, but in a work environment many people will get straight to the point. because it’s so popular. This type of feedback can have the unintended consequence of making your criticism seem insincere. ^{[11] X Research Source}
Learn from people who know how to give constructive criticism.

Steps