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This article was co-written by Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Ken Breniman is a clinical social worker, yoga therapist, and autobiologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years of experience providing clinical support services and community workshops, using a combination of psychotherapy with therapeutic yoga. He specializes in teaching eclectic and non-denominational yoga, suffering therapy, complex trauma recovery, and developing mindful dying skills. He holds an MSW from the University of Washington and a master’s degree in autobiology from the Marian University of Fond du Lac. He is certified by the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing 500 hours of training at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and at Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
This article has been viewed 7,931 times.
At some point in our lives, we all lose someone we love. This is one of the hardest things you have to go through. You need to be able to face it forcefully even if it’s painful. Immediately after that loss, let yourself gradually process the emotions that are present. As time goes on, try to take care of yourself. If needed, you can seek help from mental health professionals.
Steps
Handling Your Emotions
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Allow yourself to feel. Losing someone you love can have a dramatic effect on your own emotions. After a loss, you may find yourself struggling with a multitude of emotions. It’s important that you allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, even if it’s awful. Suppressing emotions is not a good idea after you just lost someone.
- Avoiding sad emotions can prolong the period of grief. Plus, suppressing sadness can lead to other things like anger, anxiety, and drug abuse. Even if it’s painful to stop and examine your own feelings, you still need to. Don’t try to hide from feelings of depression and pain. Let yourself cry when you need to. [1] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- There are certain types of loss that can be very difficult to handle. For example, the loss of a child can make you feel angry and unfair. Or death by suicide may make you angry with the person who passed away. For these losses, people often feel very bad or have thoughts that the feelings they are having are unintentional or inappropriate. Always remember that emotions are neither good nor bad. The way you choose to act on your emotions can have bad consequences, but it’s perfectly normal to have those intense emotions. You shouldn’t criticize yourself for how you feel. [2] X Research Source
- Not all emotions immediately following a loss are negative. It’s not uncommon to feel grateful to be close to someone, even if they’re gone. You will probably find yourself smiling at past memories. Many people find that, in the face of loss, they feel elated. Understand that all of these feelings are normal and necessary in dealing with the loss of a loved one. [3] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Express your feelings to others. Talking to others is extremely important after the loss of someone you love. Friends and family members probably won’t be able to give you helpful advice, but having someone to listen will also help you feel better. Sometimes speaking out about your feelings can make it easier for you to work through them. After a loss, reach out to friends or family members. Express your feelings to them and expect comfort and help. [4] X Research Sources
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Find creative outlet. Even if you’re not the creative type, using artistic methods to express your feelings can make your sadness visible. Create a photo diary or memorial album for the deceased. Write a poem, poem, or short story about your relationship with that person. Draw or color your emotions with pictures and colors. This can help you transform your inner feelings into concrete materials, making it easier for you to process your emotions. [5] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
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Prepare yourself for things that remind you of the deceased. After losing someone you love, there are many things that will remind you of that person. It can be obvious things like holidays or birthdays. It can also be something ambiguous. For example, a particular sight or scent can remind you of past memories. It is not always possible to know when you will encounter something that reminds you of the deceased. However, when you know it’s coming, try to be mentally prepared.
- Anniversaries related to the deceased can be very traumatic. Birthdays, like the first holiday season without that person, can be hard to bear. During these times, it can be helpful to mentally prepare for an emotional reaction. Accept the fact that you will be extremely sad on those days and remind yourself that you need to allow yourself to experience those feelings. [6] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- However, you should also make sure you take care of yourself. Make sure you have someone to call or meet if you know of a particular day or event that might remind you of traumatic emotions. You’ll want to be sure that someone will always be there to help you. You can also do something that distracts you. You should accept your pain, but if it’s beyond your control, you can always find something comforting to do. You can plan to go to the movies or call an old friend. [7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Tribute. Many people find that the memory of the past is very comforting to them after a loss. It can be very painful at first. However, as time goes by, you will find precious memories that you have spent with the deceased. At the person’s memorial service, allow yourself to share those memories with the participants. Memories can be helpful in dealing with the pain of loss.
- You can also find a specific way to remember that person. For example, donating money to a charity they care about or joining an organization that is important to them. [8] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
Take care of yourself
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Take care of your own physical needs. When grieving, people often ignore their physical needs. Even if it’s not easy, try to take good care of yourself. Not taking care of your basic needs can make your mood worse.
- Full meals. Many people often experience anorexia or erratic, unhealthy eating, after a loved one dies. However, try to have a healthy and balanced diet after losing someone. Eating foods like fruits and vegetables can help you regulate your mood. [9] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- Try to do all the activities necessary to meet your basic needs. When you’re grieving, you’ll often take these things lightly. Remember to brush your teeth twice a day, shower regularly, and try to exercise. Some activities will inevitably be skipped, but try to keep them as good as possible. Taking care of yourself can also help improve your mood.
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Avoid numbing the pain. You may have a desire to use alcohol and drugs. They can help you numb the pain. However, you run the risk of dealing with drug abuse while grieving. In addition, avoiding dealing with your sadness is also not good for your mental health. Try to avoid alcohol and drugs for a few months after someone you love dies. [10] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
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Sleep. Just like diet, maintaining adequate sleep plays an extremely important role in regulating your emotions. When you’re going through a traumatic event, you need to make sleep a priority. Try to get 7 to 8 hours of sleep every night. [11] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- Maybe after losing someone, sleeping becomes extremely difficult. If you have persistent trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor about temporarily taking medication to help re-regulate your sleep cycle.
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Maintain a timetable. It can be difficult to maintain a regular schedule after someone you love has passed away. However, doing familiar things during times of distress can help you feel comforted. A simple routine can support and help you deal with negative emotions.
- Things like eating, sleeping, and exercising are incredibly important to incorporate into a routine. Make sure you make time for those basic needs. [12] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- You should also try to meet people at least once a week. Many people isolate themselves after experiencing a loss. However, you need the help of people who care about you to move on. [13] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
Search Help
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Letting people know what doesn’t help. You will receive a lot of sympathy, advice and feedback when you are in a period of grief. Unfortunately not all of them help. Usually people don’t try to hurt or act casual when they say something inappropriate. Maybe they simply don’t know how to help you. You should let them know when they shouldn’t help. You can also tell them how they can help you deal with your pain.
- Sometimes people don’t mean to say things that might hurt the bereaved family. For example, a friend might say, “Be grateful for the time you’ve spent together.” If someone you love passed away at a young age, it can be upsetting for you. You could try politely telling the friend, “I appreciate you trying to help, but my cousin passed away young. Remembering the short time we had together only made me feel more angry. Can you never bring it up again?” [14] X Research Source
- You can also let people know what is helpful. Most people would love to help. Even if they say inappropriate things, it’s only because they really care about you. Letting them know what works and what doesn’t will allow them to better assist you. For example, you might say to a friend, “Next time you want to help ask me how I’m feeling and let me express my feelings without offering any advice. Sometimes, all I need is to share my feelings.” [15] X Research Source
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Join a support group. Some people find that support groups are very helpful when dealing with the grief of a bereavement. Talking to people who have been through a similar situation can help you learn how to deal with it. You can look to see if there is a support group at a hospital or counseling center in your area. If not, consider joining an online support group.
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Know when you need psychological care. It’s normal to feel sad after losing a loved one. However, sometimes sadness can turn into depression. You should seek psychological help if you experience one of the following signs:
- Your emotions are so intense that you can’t cope with everyday life
- You have trouble sleeping
- Your personal relationships are in trouble
- Your job is in trouble
- You have physiological problems or become prone to problems [16] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to source
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Find a psychologist. If you have persistent symptoms of grief, schedule an appointment with a psychologist. You can find a psychologist by talking to your insurance provider or getting a referral from your doctor. If you’re a student, you’ll probably get free self-counseling at your college or university.
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This article was co-written by Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Ken Breniman is a clinical social worker, yoga therapist, and autobiologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years of experience providing clinical support services and community workshops, using a combination of psychotherapy with therapeutic yoga. He specializes in teaching eclectic and non-denominational yoga, suffering therapy, complex trauma recovery, and developing mindful dying skills. He holds an MSW from the University of Washington and a master’s degree in autobiology from the Marian University of Fond du Lac. He is certified by the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing 500 hours of training at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and at Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
This article has been viewed 7,931 times.
At some point in our lives, we all lose someone we love. This is one of the hardest things you have to go through. You need to be able to face it forcefully even if it’s painful. Immediately after that loss, let yourself gradually process the emotions that are present. As time goes on, try to take care of yourself. If needed, you can seek help from mental health professionals.
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