How to comfort someone who is very sad

Be optimistic and hopeful. ^[11] This means don’t allow the person’s sadness to discourage you. You need to regulate your own emotions and not feel confused or else you won’t be able to help your friend.

• Take a break if you need a minute to refresh your mind. You can ask permission to go to the bathroom. Take a deep breath, or release some of your emotions if necessary.

Give a gift. According to the 5 love languages, many people love receiving gifts because it is seen as a way to show love and support. ^[12] This action will help you a lot in making someone who is sad become happier, and it also shows that you are a caring and supportive person.

• You can give flowers, a card, or a candy that the other person likes.
• If your financial situation is quite tight, you can write the person a loving letter or give them a gift (picture, etc.).

Help the person change negative thoughts. ^[13] People sometimes have negative (and incorrect) thoughts that can increase feelings of sadness or guilt. For example, some people tend to personalize events or situations, and this creates unnecessary negative feelings. ^[14]

• For example, when your friend says, “It’s my fault that the ink is gone”. You should help the person redirect his or her thoughts by providing an alternative and calm rebuttal. You could say, “You love Squid and do your best to take care of it. Maybe it accidentally escaped and couldn’t find its way home.”
• Some people will form negative thoughts in the form of trying to predict the future, such as when your friend says, “I’ll never be able to find Squid”. This is incorrect thinking because they cannot predict what will happen. You can gently say to them, “Don’t you still have a chance to find it? I believe we will be able to find it.”
• Avoid blaming others. ^[15] You should encourage your friend to focus on what he or she can do for the situation, rather than thinking too much about the other person’s contribution to the problem; this action will increase feelings of anger and reduce the person’s ability to think rationally and solve problems.

Problem solving. When other people are very sad, sometimes, they will have difficulty thinking rationally and trying to find solutions to the problem. You should encourage your friend to view his feelings as information. Their sadness is letting them know that something wrong has happened and needs to be addressed. ^[16] Then you can help them come up with possible solutions and find ways to implement them.

• For example, if your friend lost his dog, you could say, “Let’s find a solution together. What do you think we should do first?”
• Provide possible solutions. For example, you could say, “I have an idea, why don’t we phone the local animal shelter to see if anyone has found it.”

Encourage the other person to use positive coping methods. You should help the person find healthy coping methods. Coping skills are ways to deal with negative feelings and situations. In this way, the person can express himself or recover without causing more harm to himself. ^[17]

• Some examples of positive ways to deal with sadness include: religious or spiritual activities, creative (art) activities, environmental activities, exercise, and mindfulness or meditation .
• Stop a friend or loved one from drinking or using drugs excessively. ^[18] This action is harmful and does not provide a healthy way to cope or reduce sadness. To help dissuade someone from using alcohol or drugs to cope, you can educate the person and provide them with an alternative by saying, “I once read an article about using alcohol creates more problems and reduces our ability to deal with emotions and situations. How about we watch a funny movie together instead?”

Distract the person. ^[19] Usually, people are often caught up in the process of ruminating, or overthinking, about negative thoughts and getting stuck in a certain emotion. ^[20] You can distract your friends by minimizing rumination.

• Some techniques to distract or focus on the present include: watching a funny movie, listening to funny music, dancing, naming objects in the room, and playing games.