How to Break Up with Your Loved One

Breaking up with someone you once loved is not easy. Today’s WikiHow will show you how to do this, but first you have to make sure it’s really what you want.

Table of Contents

Mental preparation

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Surely you really want to end the relationship permanently. Never break up with someone unless you’re okay with the prospect of never getting back together. ^{[1] X Research Source} Even if you later change your mind and agree to get back together, you’ve left a scar on the relationship that will never fade.

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You should know that the person may be too grieving and unable to be friends with you, at least initially. Breakups are a very sad thing for anyone in a relationship. So don’t expect the two to quickly become friends right after breaking up.

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Avoid breaking up for the wrong reasons. You have to think twice about whether this relationship is worth ending. ^{[2] X Research Resources} Don’t just think about your future, think about your partner’s future.

Never be afraid to break up with someone because you are afraid of being alone. The only way for you to find the right person is to get out of this and be yourself.
You also never shy away from breaking up for fear of hurting your partner’s feelings. Breaking up can be scary, but staying with someone you no longer love is even worse. ^{[3] X Research Sources}
Don’t suggest “pause.” This pause is usually just a transitional period before a complete breakup; If you feel like you need to cut it off for a while, it means that you really want to break up but are afraid of being alone. Instead of asking for a break, wait until you’re ready and put a real end to the relationship.

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Make the necessary changes. If you live together, you need to decide who goes and who stays (this is a topic of discussion, of course). If you want the person to move out, you must give them ample time to find another place to live, during that time you should also move somewhere temporary.

Ask your parents or close friends if you can stay for a few days, or if you can rent a hotel room to stay.
If you don’t live together but see each other every day at school or work, now you need to consider whether it is necessary to adjust your work/study schedule. If you think continuing to see each other on a regular basis will be difficult to overcome, consider changing jobs or re-registering for school so that you don’t have to interact with that person as often.

Say goodbye

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Choose the right time. There’s no such thing as a perfect time to break up with someone you love, but there are certain situations that you definitely need to avoid. Those times include:

When your partner is experiencing a personal crisis such as the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the discovery of an illness. If he or she is at the center of a crisis, don’t say goodbye now to avoid causing more pain.
When the two of you are having a heated argument. Never end a relationship in a moment of anger; you can end things with harsh words, only to regret your decision later after it all settles down.
In front of others. If you decide to break up with him or her in public, at least find a quiet table or a corner to talk. Remember that either or both will become very emotional and need privacy.
Do not text, email or call. If you really love that person, then you need to face to face to make this clear.
- The only acceptable case is that the two are in a long-distance relationship and meeting face-to-face is unrealistic. Even so, you should still try to video chat or make phone calls instead of using accidental means like sending text messages or emails.

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Prepare your mind for that person. In other words, you shouldn’t surprise them by suddenly saying goodbye in the middle of a conversation or while the person is busy doing other things.

Pull the person out and say, “I have something to tell you,” or “I think we need to talk.”
It’s a good idea to send a text or email offering to talk to the person before you meet. This will give them ample time to mentally prepare for an important conversation. You’re not breaking up with your partner over text, you’re just letting them know that a serious conversation is about to take place.

READ More: Don Shirley

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Use a sentence whose subject is “I”. Such statements work to avoid feeling critical and express your point of view in a concise manner. For example you could say:

“I feel like kids aren’t part of my plan.” This is a softer way of saying, “I want children and you don’t.”
“I think I need to spend more time with myself now.” This will sound more comfortable than, “I want to spend so much time together.”
“You need to think about your future.” The person will feel less hurt than if you said, “We have no future.”

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Be honest with them, but not necessarily cruel. Everyone deserves to know the truth, but there are things that only hurt them, not advice.

If there’s something clearly wrong with the relationship, such as incompatible interests, you should let the other person know. ^{[4] X Research Source} Being honest and explaining why will help your partner get over it faster instead of wondering why you ended the relationship and wondering what they should change. The problem could be, “I know you’re happy when we go out, but I don’t really enjoy it. I don’t think we’re compatible.”
Find clever ways to express your criticism. If you love that person, you should try to protect their self-esteem. For example, instead of saying “I don’t find you attractive anymore,” say, “I feel the fire between us is gone.”
Assure the person that you still love and truly care about them. This will help alleviate feelings of rejection. You might say, “You’re a really nice person. I am smart and ambitious. It’s just that our ambitions aren’t the same.”

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Offer to keep the friendship. If you really want the two of you to remain friends, then you should express that thought last after saying goodbye. However, it is possible that the other person is too heartbroken and will not want to be friends with you, at least for now. Respect that wish and give them space if needed.

Once you’ve broken up, don’t keep calling or texting your ex on a regular basis. This will make them hopeless and unable to live well. Even if you both decide to be friends, you still need to wait for a while, while you should not see or talk to each other.
After you’ve broken up for a while and when the old feelings are gone, you can consider rekindling your friendship with your ex. Maybe with a group outing (it’s best not to date the person alone as it can be confusing.) You could try starting out like: “Me and my friends are going to the movies. Do you want to go together?”

Overcoming after breakup

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Avoid talking to your ex, at least initially. While it may seem impossible to cut off contact with someone you love, continuing to keep in touch regularly will make things even more painful. If you feel uncomfortable, block the person’s phone number. Block their accounts on social networks as well. This will temporarily save you from temptation. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Don’t feel guilty about bad feelings. Even though you were the one who initiated the breakup, you may still feel pain or loss. These feelings are very normal and you have to accept and work through.

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Take time for yourself. Love is sometimes quite complicated. After breaking up with someone you once loved, you may feel a sense of loss. This suggests that you should take some time to get to know yourself better and adjust to your single lifestyle before embarking on a new relationship.

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Rely on friends and family. Don’t be afraid to seek emotional support from the people close to you in your life. You can find your close friends and family. They can completely sympathize with what you are going through, they will give you advice and are ready to help.

Steps

Mental preparation

Say goodbye

Overcoming after breakup

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