How to Behave Elegantly at the Dining Table

When it comes to elegant dining at the table, it’s more about the attitude of experiencing the meal than following a set of human-made rules. In other words, it won’t be a disaster if you accidentally use the wrong fork or accidentally drop a drop of wine on your clothes, as long as you and the people at the table are still enjoying the meal. However, it is also understandable that you want to avoid negligence or violation of social norms. If you’re looking for help, we’re here!

Table of Contents

Place the napkin on your lap.

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Spread a napkin on your lap when sitting at the table. Don’t tuck a towel into your collar, or leave a napkin on the table because the food hasn’t been brought out yet. This small gesture is a big sign that you’re used to table etiquette. If there is a fork and fork rolled up in the towel, place the fork on the left and the knife on the right. ^{[1] X Research Source}

If the cutlery is already laid out, leave it alone and just place the napkin on your lap.
Eating crab and lobster claws is an exception, but only if you eat with your hands.
This step only applies to formal parties, when there are napkins available at each seat. If you go to someone else’s house for a party and find a stack of napkins in the middle of the table, you don’t have to.
This step is mostly etiquette, but it also keeps your pants from getting dirty! If you eat things like sushi and spring rolls when you have to pick them up with chopsticks, you’ll be glad you have a napkin on your lap.

Get familiar with the table setting.

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If you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath. The general rule is that you will “use from the outside in” when there are forks, knives and spoons on the table. Therefore, if the appetizer is soup, you will take the spoon on the far right. If there’s a small knife and fork outside, you’ll use a fork and cutlery to eat your appetizer. Use the cutlery closest to the left and right to eat the main course. ^{[2] X Research Source}

If you’re not sure, look at what other diners do. You can follow someone else’s lead if you forget which fork or plate to eat what.
The spoon and fork placed on top of your plate will be used to eat the dessert.
If there is a small plate on the plate or next to the cutlery, it is used to hold bread or appetizers.

Take it easy and enjoy your meal.

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This is perhaps the most important part of elegant dining etiquette. A meal is a shared experience, not an occasion to fill up quickly. Take it easy, chat with people and relax. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

The purpose here is to enjoy, not to fill your stomach! Imagine the difference between someone walking to work in a hurry to grab a sandwich and someone relaxing in front of a sidewalk cafe, slowly sipping a few olives. What is the difference here? It’s enjoy!
It’s okay if you’re a little worried about formal dining standards. Focus on the taste of the food, the tasting of the wine, and the aroma of the fresh meal. Enjoy it. If so, you’ve reached 90% of the “elegant manners” at the dinner table.

Pay attention when picking up each piece of food.

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With dishes that include many different ingredients, you need to slowly prepare each piece of food. This is a small thing, but it makes a big difference when it comes to elegance and enjoyment. With dishes like salads, use a fork to pin the different ingredients in the dish so that each piece is balanced and full of flavor. If it’s roasted duck with caramelized carrots, you should eat enough roast duck and carrots for each bite. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

This signals to everyone that you know how to enjoy a good meal. These dishes have been calculated by the chef so that the flavors are balanced and harmonious, and following this principle shows that you appreciate the cook’s work. It’s not like “sandwiches and chips,” which are made-to-eat items.
If you have a side dish to go with the main course (such as baked potatoes with steak), you can alternate the two dishes.
Food will also taste richer and more harmonious when you eat it this way.
If you don’t want to eat something, you should push it to the edge of your plate so it won’t be noticeable. You can completely skip one or two things in the dish, but don’t outright refuse food at a dinner party.

Eat small pieces.

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Eating fast or slow is important, so you should eat small pieces to keep the pace. The bigger the piece, the less elegant you look. Large pieces of food will force the jaw to move more and look less polite. Plus, it’s hard to tell you’re enjoying the food if you prioritize quantity over taste. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

This is even more necessary for items that are easy to fall off. When you eat a large spoonful of food, you will be more likely to drop it than if you eat small pieces, and watermelon juice will drip down your chin if you bite into a piece of melon that is too big. ^{[6] X Research Sources}
Need icing on the cake for donuts? Break it into small pieces on a napkin and eat each bite. That way, you won’t get powdered sugar on your shirt. ^{[7] X Research Sources}
This also helps your body process food at a more even rate, keeping you fuller for longer. In a multi-course meal, you should enjoy each dish one by one (for courtesy and to enjoy the food too!)

Do not bend over the plate.

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Sit up straight and bring food to your mouth with a spoon. Bring a spoon or fork to your mouth and eat each bite with a slow posture. If you let your chin move up and down on the plate, other people will feel nervous as if you were about to spill the food. Eat slowly and bring food to your mouth with a spoon.

If you feel food is about to fall or spill, reach out with your other hand. You can cover your mouth or catch food spills with your free hands. The less sudden your movements now, the better.
If you’re eating with a fork, don’t put the knife down to “switch” the fork. It may take a bit of practice, but you should be able to put food in your mouth with your non-dominant hand.

Try to chew as softly as possible.

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Close your mouth while chewing and try to chew gently. This is another reason why you should eat small pieces. No one likes to hear someone else’s food chewing. Keep your mouth shut when chewing, avoid making noise when eating, don’t blow cold food, and don’t slurp soup. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

If you’re ordering food at a fancy restaurant, avoid ordering food that’s hard to chew. Shellfish, whole corn cobs, and fried chicken wings are the culprits (although upscale restaurants may not sell those).
This doesn’t matter during an informal meal with friends at home. Even if the host offers a dish that is difficult to eat neatly, it is difficult for you to refuse because it is not polite. Eat slowly, leisurely, and use napkins properly.

Eat easy-to-drop foods slowly and methodically.

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For foods that are easy to drop, you should consider before eating. Minced beef with tomato sauce, burrito, and corn on the cob are hard to eat politely. You will be covered with sauce, grease or gravy when you are so busy eating that you forget that it can be dirty. You should pause for a moment after each bite to prepare for the next. ^{[9] X Research Source}

For fried chicken wings, choose the thigh part to make it easier to eat. Hold the two ends of the chicken between your index finger and thumb to bite into small pieces. ^{[10] X Research Source}
You can eat with a fork, even with foods that one wouldn’t normally eat with a fork. This is helpful when you’re eating things like cheese fries and apple-wrapped candies.
Hot dog and sauce sandwich secret: don’t put it down. It will come apart and get dirty quickly when you put it down and the filling separates from the crust.
Soup can be a nightmare when you’re trying to be polite at a formal dinner party. Use a spoon to scoop up the soup so that the spoon is facing away, not at you, and do not put the whole spoon in your mouth. Eat with the edge of the spoon instead of the tip. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Don’t reach across the table.

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When eating, you should ask someone else to get what you need instead of reaching over to get it. If you have to reach across someone’s plate, cup or dish for salt, ask them to help. Same goes for shared dishes, napkins, peppers, grated cheese and anything else on the table. ^{[12] X Research Source}

No tips needed here. All you have to do is say, “Can you get me the salt shaker?”
Don’t think it’s annoying to ask someone else to fetch something from the table. This is a very common scene at dinner parties.

Wait for the dishes to be served.

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Let the waiter bring out the dessert – don’t wave them back to ask. Whether you’re dining at a fancy restaurant or at a dinner party, don’t forget that you’re not the host. Whether you want to grab an extra bottle of wine or just want to skip the appetizer salad to start the main course, you should still wait to be served. That would be more polite. ^{[13] X Research Source}

When you come to a party at an event, you should wait to be invited to sit. When at a restaurant, let the host guide you on where to sit – don’t walk around or sit down uninvited.
If you speed up the party, outsiders will see you as rushed, like you’re not enjoying yourself. Moreover, this style makes you look like a glutton that can’t wait.

Don’t use the phone.

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Set your phone to silent mode before and during the party. Taking out your phone to reply to texts or check notifications is considered rude while you are eating with others. If you’re at a fast food restaurant it probably won’t bother anyone, but if you’re at a formal dinner table and you want to look elegant, put your phone on silent and put it away. ^{[14] X Research Source}

Checking your phone also looks like you’re telling the time, implying that you’re not amused. Similarly, you should also avoid looking at your watch if possible. Discreetly glancing at the clock is fine, but bringing your wrist close to your eyes to see the time is too obvious.

Talk to everyone at the party table.

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In a large party, you can start by talking to the people sitting next to you. The friendly and relaxed attitude is also a touch of elegance on the table. If it’s a formal party and you’re not familiar with the people sitting at the table, be friendly by talking to them first. This also shows that you are comfortable with yourself, as talking to strangers can sometimes be intimidating. Ignoring the people sitting next to you is often seen as awkward.

You should try to interact with everyone during the meal at least once, if possible.
This is an old convention to avoid shouting conversations across the table. Keeping the volume down is also elegant!
Try to choose topics of conversation that everyone can participate in.

Order famous dishes of the restaurant.

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When dining out, trust the restaurant’s chefs and order their specialties. Order a steak at a steakhouse, order a special roast duck at a Chinese restaurant, and a sushi order at a sushi restaurant. This has two advantages. Firstly, it shows that you are a foodie and there is no such thing as a famous dish that you do not know. Second, it signals that you want the best service. If the restaurant is famous for something, show some flair and order it. ^{[15] X Research Source}

However, if you are allergic or really don’t like the restaurant’s specialty food, just order something else. Just pay attention to choose among the dishes that are relatively close to the famous dish of the restaurant. Don’t order pad Thai at a Thai restaurant that serves trendy dishes, and don’t order a hamburger when entering a steakhouse.

Ask people if you have questions.

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No one judges you when you want to ask what you need to know. If you don’t know what’s on the menu, ask the waitress. If you’re not sure which fork to eat what, you can turn to the person sitting next to you and ask. People don’t expect you to be knowledgeable about everything on the table, and you have no shame in asking! ^{[16] X Research Source}

No one will judge or belittle you just because you ask for more information. In fact, this also shows that you are very confident! You must have the courage to admit that you don’t know something!

Advice

Don’t grip the spoon and fork with your whole fist. You should hold the fork between your index finger and thumb, then rest your middle finger underneath. When holding a knife, you will use your index finger to press down from the top.
If you’re invited to dinner, bring a gift! A good bottle of wine is always appropriate for the occasion.

Steps