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This article was co-written by Tami Claytor. Tami Claytor is an etiquette teacher, image consultant, and owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York City, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in organizing etiquette classes for individuals, students, companies and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying culture through travels across five continents and organizes cultural diversity seminars to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a bachelor’s degree in economics with a major in international relations from Clark University. Tami attended Ophelia DeVore School and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her certification as an image consultant.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 8,683 times.
Self-control is a balance, grace, and courtesy in social situations. If you want to be in control, you need to boost your confidence, become a good communicator, and learn how to stay calm in difficult situations.
Steps
Boost your confidence
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Practice accepting yourself. If you are confident, you will have a self-control attitude; These two things complement each other. Self-acceptance boosts your self-esteem, making you more confident and in control. [1] X Research Sources[2] X Research Sources
- Make a list of your strengths and things you want to improve, including your personality and appearance. Review the list and verbally accept each trait of yourself. Say, “I accept that I talk too much. I accept that I am very short-tempered sometimes.”
- In general, you can use affirmations about yourself to talk to yourself, for example, “I accept everything about myself. I accept who I am, my appearance, past, present, and future.” [3] X Research Sources
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Confident. The way you think about yourself affects your behavior and self-control. [4] X Research Source To develop self-confidence, learn to believe in yourself. That means you have to believe that you are an optimist with lots of interesting things to share. It also means doing things that make you confident in yourself.
- Visualization is a useful way to gain confidence. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a state of complete confidence and self-control. Where are you? How do you feel? What are you thinking about? What are you doing? [5] X Research Sources
- Think positively about yourself. If you find yourself worrying or thinking negatively, turn the tide. [6] X Research Source You can practice by actively thinking: “I can do it. I can accomplish anything if I concentrate. I believe in myself.”
- Try power poses. Our body language can shape how we feel about ourselves. [7] X Source of Research[8] X Source of Research Power poses make your body appear larger (takes up more space) instead of smaller (shows a lack of confidence) . Try standing with your legs slightly apart and your hands on your hips. You can find many other power poses online.
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Focus on strengths. Paying attention to your positives can boost your self-confidence and self-control in any situation, making it more likely that people will accept you. [9] X Research Source
- Make a list of your accomplishments. Did you get an A on any test? Are you good at swimming and ever win a medal?
- Think about how to use your strengths to increase self-control.
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Believe it will be there. Whatever situation you are in, the way you think about it can affect the outcome (for better or for worse). [10] X Research Source People who believe that bad things are about to happen may actually contribute to making that bad outcome a reality. For example, if you’re worried that you’ll say something stupid during a meeting, this thought can add to your anxiety, leading to confusion. Therefore, you are the one who will create the outcome you fear the most.
- Instead of thinking about the possible or worst-case scenario, focus on what you really want it to happen. Instead of thinking, “Oh no, I hope I’m not mistaken,” actively think more positively, for example, “I want to speak effectively and clearly. I will focus on self-control and confidence. I can do it.” These positive thoughts will reduce negative feelings and increase the likelihood of a good outcome.
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Seek social support. Highly supportive relationships will energize and boost your confidence. When we have the consent of others, we develop a sense of connection, belonging, and acceptance.
- If you feel unhappy or unsure of yourself, talk to a friend or loved one. Maybe they will help you see the good things about yourself and change your mood and thinking. It will make your values recognized, you will feel more confident knowing that others are very supportive and believe in you.
- Take a look at your relationships and ask yourself if the people you’re usually around are supportive of you. Social relationships should bring positivity and lift you up in times of stress. If there are people who make you feel sad or bad, those are the people who can’t help you become more confident. Stay away from toxic relationships and focus on connecting with encouraging people.
Become a talker
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Knowledgeable in many different topics. Interacting freely with others will demonstrate confidence and self-control. [11] X Research Sources You will find it easier to come up with topics to discuss if you have knowledge of diverse skills and topics.
- Go to the library and read a lot of books. Read about history, science, sociology, psychology or whatever you like.
- Surf the net and read reputable websites to keep up to date with the latest events.
- Read newspapers (online or print newspapers) and keep up with events in the community and the world. That way, you can start a conversation by asking, “Do you know about ____? What do you think about that?”
- Learn new hobbies and activities. For example, you can learn how to: play an instrument, dance, yoga, rock climbing, skydiving, surfing, snowboarding, skiing, diving, painting or singing. As a result, when you meet new friends, you will have a lot of activities to discuss. Maybe the other person will also have the same interests as you.
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Listen. When participating in a social event, be the “listener” instead of the one at the helm of every conversation. People love to be heard and are automatically attracted to someone who takes the time to listen to them.
- Relax, breathe, and pretend you’re talking to someone you’ve known for a long time.
- Ask questions and enjoy what they have to say. Just focus on the person and their experience instead of what you’re going to say. Live in the present moment.
- Ask open-ended questions instead of just “yes” or “no” questions. This will help keep your conversation going and stay positive.
- Use active listening to build understanding and trust. One way to show listening is to repeat what the person just said. You can do this by saying, “I just heard you say you’re mad at your brother, right?” [12] X Research Source
- You can also make a statement and take the speaker’s side. Say things like, “That sounds difficult. It seems you were hurt, and in that situation it was understandable.”
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Focus on the positive side. If you talk too much about the negative, you will become a complainer and lack self-control. However, if you focus on positive topics, people will find you very charming and attractive. [13] X Research Source
- Ask positive questions like, “What’s been going on with you lately? Are you doing something interesting?”
- In general, political and religious topics should be avoided, unless you share the same spirit and openness about them.
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Definitive communication. It is the ability to be respectful and open about your feelings and thoughts, yet maintain tact and composure. [14] X Research Source Definitive communication conveys a feeling of warmth, closeness and friendliness.
- One way to be assertive is to: understand the other person and their situation, yet respect and express your own needs and desires. For example, you could say, “That’s a great idea. What if we do it this way again?” [15] X Research Source
- Show assertiveness with body language. Make appropriate eye contact (don’t stare but don’t hide, look around occasionally). Stretch the body; do not crouch (shoulder) or take an extended stance (hands on hips).
- Don’t communicate overwhelmingly by putting others down, calling them names, or raising your voice. [16] X Research Source
- Expressing how you feel or think when you know it will hurt the other person is also a form of dominant communication; There are some things that are best not to say (negative comments about other people’s behavior or appearance, for example). Those words and actions will show your aggression, making others see that you are not in control.
- In some places people organize life skills programs.
Keep calm
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Stop and take a deep breath. Part of being in control is staying calm in difficult or annoying situations. Instead of reacting negatively like rushing out of the room or shouting at someone, maintain self-control by stopping and taking a breath, or politely leaving the situation (e.g. asking permission to come in). toilet). [17] X Research Source
- If you’re alone, you can practice deep breathing to calm yourself down. Inhale deeply through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. Focus on the breath and experience the breath. Your body will relax, and when you feel calm, you can stop the breathing exercise.
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Observe. Paying attention to your reactions is an important factor in staying calm. [18] X Research Sources If you observe what is happening, you can begin to change how you react to situations and become more in control.
- Ask yourself: “What am I reacting to? What am I thinking and feeling about this situation? Is this how I’ve handled the situation so far? Am I upset about this situation, or is it because it reminds me of an old story that I lose my temper?”
- Take a broader view. Observe the situation from afar as if you were in a helicopter and looking down at everything from the sky. [19] X Research Source Where is the big picture? Does this matter after 1 month, 6 months or a year? Maybe you’re reacting to things that won’t affect you in the long term.
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Do useful things. Having a plan for dealing with difficult emotions is the way to stay calm and ensure success. [20] X Research Sources List appropriate ways to handle those feelings.
- For example, if you find yourself getting angry easily when people don’t agree with you, you can develop a strategy for dealing with the situation. This might include: taking a deep breath, counting to 10, or reminding yourself that nine people have ten ideas, and that doesn’t mean they think you’re stupid or don’t like you.
Advice
- Never change yourself if you don’t want to.
- Observe self-directed people and follow them.
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This article was co-written by Tami Claytor. Tami Claytor is an etiquette teacher, image consultant, and owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York City, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in organizing etiquette classes for individuals, students, companies and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying culture through travels across five continents and organizes cultural diversity seminars to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a bachelor’s degree in economics with a major in international relations from Clark University. Tami attended Ophelia DeVore School and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her certification as an image consultant.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 8,683 times.
Self-control is a balance, grace, and courtesy in social situations. If you want to be in control, you need to boost your confidence, become a good communicator, and learn how to stay calm in difficult situations.
Thank you for reading this post How to Become Self-Controlled at Lassho.edu.vn You can comment, see more related articles below and hope to help you with interesting information.
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