How to beat a narcissist: 16 psychology-based tips for you

Are you ready to take your power back from your narcissist? Narcissists are always arrogant, self-centered and manipulate others with many tricks, so they can’t understand your perspective. Then how to disable them? We’ll help you beat a narcissist at their own game. This article will guide you through everything you need to do to win over your narcissist.

Table of Contents

Limit contact or no contact if possible

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Narcissists rarely change and they take a toll on your mental health. In some cases, it’s best to end the relationship with them. Unfortunately, sometimes one can’t choose. Consider your particular situation to know what is best for you. ^{[1] X Research Source}

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, plan an exit before you leave. You have to plan in advance where you will be and don’t let them know that you’re leaving them until you’re ready to go so they can’t stop you.
If the narcissist is your father, mother or a friend, you can stop receiving their calls or texts. If you don’t choose this option, you can decide to only talk to them once a week or once a month.
If you have a coworker who is narcissistic, limit your interactions with them to work.

Stay calm when they try to piss you off

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Narcissists often intentionally make you angry. It’s all part of their game, and when you’re upset they win. Therefore, you need to ignore their criticisms and rude comments. Plus, take back control of the situation by regaining your composure. ^{[2] X Research Source} Try counting to 10, breathing deeply, or imagining yourself in a peaceful scene.

You can also mentally recite positive affirmations, such as “I am calm.” “I am at peace,” or “The whole world is on my side.”
You can also imagine the narcissist wearing a ridiculous outfit so they can laugh at the horrible things they say to you.

Use the word “we” to pull them towards you

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Narcissists only care about one person – themselves. In a narcissist’s mind, they’re never wrong and they don’t care what you’re thinking. Fortunately, you can lure them to your side by using the word “we” instead of “me” or “you”. The pronoun “we” can really help defuse arguments and encourage them to do what you want. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Beat them in an argument with statements like, “Looks like we’re off topic. Let’s change the subject,” or “We both care a lot about that. Maybe we should move on to something else.”
Convince them to do something by saying things like “We need to finish this report today,” or “We have a mess to clean up.”

Neutralize them with compliments

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Flattery is a great way to convince your narcissist to do what you want. They are inherently self-aware, so you don’t have to worry about how to inflate their ego. You just have to smile and bring out their best qualities. If you can’t think of a good sentence, just use general compliments, because the narcissist won’t notice what words you use to compliment. ^{[4] X Research Source} You might say:

“You are so smart!”
“You always know what to say.”
“You did a great job today.”

Say something nice before criticizing them

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Narcissists get angry when you point out their flaws. Unfortunately, sometimes you need to give criticism, especially if you’re working with a narcissist. To calm them down a bit, give them a compliment before pointing out where they went wrong. Choosing the most positive words will also help. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

When at work, you might say something like, “You’re the best analyst here. The factual section of your report does a great job, but we would like more details to make it more complete.”
If your narcissist is your partner, you can say something like, “I love the wall paint you did in the living room. I see you also put a lot of effort into the bathroom, but I think the border needs an extra coat of paint.”
If the narcissist is someone close to you, you could say, “You were so kind to help me babysit. Last time the kids enjoyed watching movies with me, but this time don’t let the kids eat a second packet of candy!”

Give them a sense of accomplishment to reduce drama

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The narcissist will resent you when you brag about your accomplishments. They want to believe that they are the best and will do anything to surpass you. You don’t have to stoop to please your narcissist, but you also don’t have to brag about your success in front of them so you don’t have to deal with their dramatic rivalry. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

If your partner is a narcissist, emphasizing shared accomplishments will keep both of you satisfied. You can say “We did it,” or “I’m glad we did so well.”
If the narcissist is a relative, don’t tell them about your accomplishments or good news. Let them know through others.
With a narcissistic co-worker, don’t brag about getting a promotion, being given new assignments, or talking about your accomplishments.
If they start to want to come off as better than you, just say something like “Sounds good,” or “Great.” Often they will feel satisfied enough with such recognition and will be content to move on to other topics.

Believe in yourself and don’t be fooled by their lies

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Don’t let the narcissist make you doubt what you know. Narcissists will try to trick you into thinking you misunderstood or misremembered something. They may also tell you blatant lies. Beat them in this game by trusting your intuition and feeling. ^{[7] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

When they start using tricks to trick you, respond to them with something like “I understand your point,” or “I respect your opinion.” Often these responses silence them.

Ignore them instead of exposing their behavior

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Confronting or reporting on the narcissist’s behavior will not help. Unfortunately, this will only escalate tensions. They will falsely accuse you of making up stories while keeping a cold face. It can be frustrating to deal with a narcissist, but you can neutralize their toxic behavior by ignoring them. ^{[8] X Research Source} Narcissists won’t fool people forever, so you don’t have to expose them.

At work, you may want to report to your boss about a narcissistic co-worker who lied or insulted you, but they will find a way to blame you and prolong the fuss. Don’t let them drag you into their playbook.
Similarly, your narcissistic relative may spread rumors to sow discord between you and others. If you confront them, they will only deny and cause more conflict.
Your narcissist partner may criticize your cooking to make you feel worthless. They will only bring you down more if you argue with them, but if you just shrug and ignore them, they will lose interest.

End an argument with a ambivalent reaction

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The narcissist will never admit to being wrong, so arguments will only add to the tension. They are arrogant and conceited, so you won’t be able to get them to admit fault. They simply never will. Save time and energy by not arguing. This is the fastest way to stop them. ^{[9] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

At work, you can say “I hear you,” or “I see what you mean.”
If you’re talking to a spouse or relative, you can say “Yeah,” “Is that so,” or “Nice.”

Ask about their concerns to change the subject

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Narcissists love to hear themselves speak. They also rarely criticize you during monologues about their favorite topics. Use this tactic to neutralize a relative, coworker, or acquaintance of yours with narcissism. Try to choose a topic that you also enjoy so you don’t get bored. ^{[10] X Research Source} Say something like:

“You are an expert on the space program. Can you explain to me about the mission to Mars and when it will be possible for humans?”
“You seem to know a lot about history. Can you tell me about your favorite era?”
“I heard that you love to write. What topics do you usually write about?
“I was very impressed with your recent presentation. Can you tell me more about that topic?”

Focus on the future to avoid provoking them

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Even if they hurt you, it’s best not to mention it. Chances are they don’t even remember what they did. In fact, narcissists remember things quite poorly because they are so focused on themselves. ^{[11] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to the source} You can tell a friend or therapist to vent instead of arguing with them.

Suppose that a colleague once competed with you, then from now on you should focus on how to get your effort recognized.
Your narcissist partner may be critical of you, but if you point it out, they’ll be even more aggressive. You’re better off redirecting them with a “we” tactic or a double reaction.
Maybe you have a relative who has hurt you badly. Keeping your distance from them and focusing on other relationships will help you live a much happier life instead of trying to confront them.
If you bring this up, they will try to trick you into thinking it never happened. Another possibility is that they will try to play the victim. It’s not worth repeating the same old things.

Limit conversations with narcissists so they have nothing to gossip about

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Narcissists will use everything you say against you. They may appear to care about you, but they are actually trying to find your weakness. Talk to them as little as possible so they don’t have a lot of information to exploit. In addition, you should never reveal to them anything that you consider confidential. ^{[12] X Research Source}

The narcissist may use information about your past to tarnish your image. They might say, “Last year Anh was late, so maybe this year will be the same. I have to be the project manager.”
They can also spread rumors about you, sometimes even twisting the truth. They might say, “Hai told me he hates the gift you gave him” or “Thao’s family said Tet this year won’t come. Maybe they don’t like the food you cook.”

Draw boundaries with them to protect yourself

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Let them know what behaviors you may or may not be okay with, then talk about the consequences if they don’t respect your boundaries. If they trespass, let them receive the consequences that you have said before. Setting boundaries will allow you to regain power in the relationship. Here are some boundaries you can set:

“If you yell at me or scold me, I’ll walk out and stop talking.”
“Do not reveal your personal information to anyone. Otherwise, I will not share anything with you anymore.”
“I won’t explain anything. If you keep forcing me, I’ll go.”
“I’ll only comfort you and give you advice on this once.”
“I won’t listen to gossip.”

Take care of your own needs because you won’t be able to count on them

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Unfortunately, narcissists are unlikely to be there to support you when you need them. ^{[13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source} Take care of your physical health by eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep. For spiritual needs, you can meditate, journal, do yoga or take deep breaths to relax. ^{[14] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

If your parent was a narcissist, it may be difficult for you to focus on your own needs because you are used to meeting their needs. Fortunately, you can learn to focus on yourself, and therapy can help.

Build a support system to keep you strong

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Being around a narcissist can drain your energy. Reach out to people who can empower you, whether it’s family or friends. Identify who you can call on your really tough days, and plan fun get-togethers with people you love. You deserve to be loved and cuddled. ^{[15] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

If a loved one is a narcissist, spend more time with other people in your home or people you consider family.
If you work next to a narcissistic co-worker, call or text a friend when there are days when the other coworker is particularly upset.
If you have a narcissist friend, make sure to have other friends by your side when needed.

Resist attempts to lure you back into a close relationship with them

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When the narcissist sees you begin to move away, the narcissist will cast a spell. They won’t hesitate to flatter you and make you feel special to them. All these “love bombs” can make you doubt yourself and the boundaries you’ve just set, but it’s all just their psychological manipulation. Keep an emotional distance from your narcissist and hold your boundaries.

List ways in which their narcissism has hurt you. As they start to bombard you with love, revisit this list to remind yourself why it’s important to stay away from this person.

Advice

When you’re dealing with a narcissist, don’t mind anything they say or do. This has nothing to do with you – that’s their nature.

Steps