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Do your friends and family call you “noisy,” “annoying” or “talkative”? Do you talk so much that you don’t care about other people’s opinions or feelings? If so, and if this is also a problem in your life, you can learn how to be a calmer person. When you are calmer, your relationships will improve significantly when you learn to acknowledge the opinions and feelings of others. Your friends and family will feel more respected, and will no longer glare at you like, “Is it okay to go?”.
Start by choosing situations that require calm, then work to make it a natural feature of your personality. Anyway, like changing any personality trait, you need to take it slow. If suddenly, a lively and boisterous person like you becomes quiet and introverted, people will think you have a problem. Tell them you’re practicing how to become calmer. Let them witness and appreciate your positive changes.
If you really think this is the right path for you, continue reading below.
Steps
Show a Calm Attitude
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Act more cautiously. Quiet people are rarely impulsive, and they often weigh decisions on multiple fronts before taking action. They always behave on purpose and are not easily drawn into every situation. They often stop and think twice before moving on. [1] X Research Sources Before you act, take a moment to consider the possibilities.
- Quiet people often stand out from the crowd. If everyone rushes to the windows to see what’s going on out there, the calm person will think if he or she cares, and then maybe they’ll calmly walk over. In general, they are not actively seeking stimulation like other bubbly people.
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Show pleasant and gentle body language. Quiet people are more approachable than loud and aggressive people. Their body language is usually simple, their facial expressions are also very calm, they don’t get caught up in the dramatic stories going on at the time. As a result, quiet people are often thought of as kinder than noisy people, although that may not necessarily be the case.
- To make it easier for others to approach you, hold your head high, look around, and observe things. Show a relaxed and natural attitude as if you were in the middle of an empty room. Take the time to observe things that you wouldn’t normally notice because you were busy chatting with the people next to you.
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Be calm and patient. When you’re with a quiet person, that person can calm things down, make everyone calmer, and think more clearly. Why can’t you do that? When everyone is in a frenzy, you can be the calmest person. So, by the time you “really” speak up, it will be a rare phenomenon, and people will immediately notice you.
- This can be a huge motivator to become a calmer and more productive leader. When you are a calm, calm and collected person, speaking concisely and rationally, people will listen to you more.
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Win people’s trust by talking to the point and being trustworthy. Always tell the truth and keep your promises. Don’t say much, but every sentence counts. Over time, others will appreciate this quality of you.
Quieter While Chatting
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The conversation must be to the point. Don’t rambling if you have nothing to say. Instead, make each of your sentences meaningful. After a while, people will start listening to you because they know what you say is important. [2] X Research Source
- If you talk too much, what you say will become bland and less important. Thinking carefully about what to say will give your words more weight.
Klare Heston, LCSW
Medical social worker
Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
Klare Heston, LCSW
Medical social worker
Medical social worker
Klare Heston, a social worker, says, “ Your words will carry more weight if you know how to choose your words. Instead of rambling on about everything, choose your words carefully when you have an opinion to contribute. You don’t have to be the center of the group to find confidence. Sometimes the opposite is true!”
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Let the other person be the center of the conversation. Be polite and subtly divert people’s attention away from yourself, and give the center of gravity to others. If you disagree with their point of view, make it clear to them. Take a close look at the person’s role and how your response affects their thinking. Once you have enough information, you will know when to say what.
- This will help you become a better listener. You will actively focus on others and give everyone’s attention to them. You will be surprised by what you have learned.
- Don’t be too quiet when you first meet someone. The person may think you’re weird or not worth talking to. Instead, strike a balance between listening to others and asking questions.
- Don’t say unnecessary things. You need to think before you speak. Pause when agitated or excited. Do not interrupt others.
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Observe the body language of the person you are talking to. Take the time to listen to what’s behind their words instead of jumping into the story with your own opinions and comments. How do they really feel? How will they react? What have you noticed that you didn’t notice before?
- It’s not that talkative people don’t like doing or don’t do it. But it will be easier if you can focus your mind on observing instead of observing “and” finding the right words to say. Ask yourself the noisy person in you: what have you seen or realized about the world that you didn’t notice before?
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Stop interrupting others. When you interrupt someone, you show disrespect for their thoughts and feelings. Let them finish speaking before you speak your mind. If you’re not sure if you’re interrupting them, say, “Sorry, did I interrupt you? You keep talking.” That way, they will feel more respected.
- Take a few seconds to think about how much you’ve said so far, and how much the other person has said. If you haven’t said anything in a while, speak up. No conversation is complete if one party stays completely silent. Just like clapping requires both hands – if you’ve been talking for a while, let the other person speak. You just need to remember that you have to let them finish talking before it’s your turn.
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Ask questions that focus on the person. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, and if you let them, they will love you. Being quiet doesn’t mean saying nothing – it means speaking succinctly, asking interesting questions, and making precise arguments. So don’t force yourself to be silent, just ask the right questions.
- For example, your acquaintance has just returned from skydiving. Instead of saying “I used to skydiving too, it was great!”, say “Great! How do you see? Are you playing for the first time?” If they’re interested in this conversation, they’ll also ask if you’ve ever skydived.
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Let’s talk less. Speak softer, but the volume should be just enough to hear. Quiet people are often very soft in communication, even when they speak up. It’s rare for something to make them angry. They will express their joy through facial expressions and tone of voice (gasps, whispers…).
- However, this has a very thin line. People who say too little can also cause trouble. Others may be confused because they can’t hear you clearly. So when you lower the volume of your voice, speak loud enough, not whisper.
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Learn how to get attention while talking less. People who think before they speak often say the right things. As a result, they will earn the respect of others and become more trustworthy. Speak when you feel the need to, but don’t try to fill the void when you’ve run out of things to talk about.
- When you save your words for when you need to speak up, what you say is much more effective. Use your words sparingly to maintain a calm demeanor and make the times when you speak up more meaningful.
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Express emotions through facial expressions. When you feel the urge to voice an opinion that you know you shouldn’t, let your facial expressions show. An eye roll or smile will have a great effect, and it will be harder for others to catch you. Have you ever seen a quiet friend comment on something with facial expressions? They seem to be very funny even when they don’t say anything. Learn from them and use facial expressions instead of words when necessary.
- Of course, you should also do so with caution. You can make others uncomfortable when you don’t say anything. An eye roll at a sensitive person can make them nervous if you’re not careful. Know who you are talking to and when it is appropriate to do so.
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Open-minded thinking. Don’t assume that people who are in a different position or have a different opinion from you are all wrong, silly, or mean. Find out why they think that way, and where it comes from. As a result, you will see both sides of the issue, and have a more open point of view. You will be motivated to ask them questions, and think carefully about the current conversation.
- This does not mean that quiet people are more understanding. It’s just that when you listen, you understand the other person’s position and give them a chance to explain more fully. So, when someone says something you disagree with, don’t rush to respond. Listen, then you can voice your opinion later.
- Don’t stay silent just to annoy others. Silence to avoid confrontation is not a helpful action, it is cowardice. Always state your point of view when arguing, but speak rationally at a moderate volume.
- Don’t be rude or curt – speak politely when asked, answer intelligently, don’t simply say “yes” or “no”. Your aim is to be calm, not impolite or rude. Your goal is also to be concise, not snobby or shy.
Have a Quiet Life
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Meditate daily to help calm your mind for a few minutes. Meditation not only helps you have a clearer, clearer mind, it also lowers cholesterol and blood pressure. [3] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source Just 10 to 15 minutes a day of exercise will leave you feeling relaxed and alert for the next 24 hours.
- If you don’t like meditating, there are other activities you can do to get the same effect. Take a walk in the park, read a book, or take out your journal and write down your thoughts. Any activity “just for yourself” will help.
- Do other people tease you and say you should go hiking? Make fun of them and join the activity.
- Live in the present by practicing mindfulness exercises and meditation. Studying the mysteries of science (cosmology, quantum theory) can also give you powerful inner experiences.
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Log in. One way to redirect your focus (and become more observant) is to keep a journal. Write daily and ask yourself questions like:
- What do I feel? Why?
- What did I learn today? Learn from whom?
- What ideas came up? Who or what did I think about?
- How is today different from yesterday? Compared to last week? Compared with the last year?
- What can I be grateful for? Who in this world is feeling lonely? Why?
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Rely on yourself . While there’s nothing wrong with asking someone for help, your confidence will give you the strength to do things on your own, which in turn will earn you more respect. And when you “really” need help, your introspection will help you ask the right questions.
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Find a hobby. When you have time to sit alone in silence with deep thoughts, you will find it easier to do so than when you are with a group of friends. You will be surprised to find that you also enjoy being alone. You will learn how to nourish your soul and prepare in advance what to say when communicating with others. Try knitting, gardening, or other activities that don’t require interaction with other people. Choosing a good book to read can also help.
- In the book “What Do I Say Next?” – roughly translated: “What do I need to say next?”, Mingling Maven Susan RoAne wrote: “There are people who are impregnated and punch elephants to death… but they can also be shallow people”. If you’re a shallow person, people will feel more relieved if you don’t say anything. To avoid that, you should improve yourself and become someone everyone wants to be around, even if you don’t chat a lot.
- Remember that quiet people can do the same things as loud people. You can sing, dance, play an instrument… Come back to a calm state when you’re done with those activities.
- However, once you’ve been quiet in your spare moments, it’s harder to get excited again in other situations. That’s because silence affects your mood. Imagine: you’ve just spent the day reading a book in silence, and then you have to go to a party. Maybe you are still immersed in the world of the book, and naturally you will still be quieter and more introverted.
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Spend more time alone . Writer Susan Cain says: “Silence is a catalyst for creativity.” [4] X Research Source Being alone with your thoughts can be your most enjoyable and rewarding time. You’ll get to be exactly what “you” want during the day. Not only will this be quality time to do whatever you want, but you’ll gradually get used to and enjoy being alone.
- You can spend that time perfecting a new hobby, journaling, walking your dog, or just shopping. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do something. You’ll find out: communicating with other people neither creates nor spoils fun moments. However, don’t become a recluse, use your alone time to nurture your creativity.
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Spend time with introverted friends. When you’re with people who are loud, bubbly, and outgoing, you’ll be the same way. To learn to appreciate even those with opposite personalities, spend time with them and talk less. You will find it also a novel pleasure.
- Quiet people like to hang out with quiet people, though not always. If you don’t have many quiet friends, ask the person you find the most quiet and meet their friends. Helping friends is great, especially if they’re inherently quiet (or trying to be). Alternatively, you can engage in other quiet activities – like joining a reading club or cooking to meet quiet friends.
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Consider seeing a therapist. Not only will you have more time to talk about yourself, you’ll also be able to talk about why you need to be quieter, and whether you need other people’s attention. Doctors aren’t just for people who are mentally ill, they’re for people who want to connect with themselves.
- If someone makes you feel like a noisy person, talk about it. You’re probably fine, unless “you” think that’s the problem. Feeling comfortable with your natural personality is very important.
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Be honest with yourself. At the end of the day, some people will naturally become more lively than others. You don’t have to be quiet – you can just be yourself. Anyway, if you feel the need to change, just make changes that are appropriate and natural. If you want to speak up, do so. If you want to dance, dance. All of us are vibrant people in some way. Maybe sometimes, you also have a calmer side than others.
- If you naturally feel the need to be quieter, choose the most appropriate time. Family dinner? In class? Don’t try to be a quiet person, be quiet in the right place at the right time. Because there will be times when you need to be lively.
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If you’ve made up your mind, take an “oath of silence” for a period of time. You will probably be completely silent for an hour. Then try being silent for three hours. If you can stay silent all day, you may be able to see more things that you never noticed before.
- The best time to take the “oath of silence” is when you’re having a sore mouth or headache, like when you’ve had braces, root canal treatment, or simply bumped your head somewhere. Don’t hurt yourself, but find the right times to become calmer.
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Note: This article is intended for general readers. Extroverts may find some more relevant articles in the same category.
Do your friends and family call you “noisy,” “annoying” or “talkative”? Do you talk so much that you don’t care about other people’s opinions or feelings? If so, and if this is also a problem in your life, you can learn how to be a calmer person. When you are calmer, your relationships will improve significantly when you learn to acknowledge the opinions and feelings of others. Your friends and family will feel more respected, and will no longer glare at you like, “Is it okay to go?”.
Start by choosing situations that require calm, then work to make it a natural feature of your personality. Anyway, like changing any personality trait, you need to take it slow. If suddenly, a lively and boisterous person like you becomes quiet and introverted, people will think you have a problem. Tell them you’re practicing how to become calmer. Let them witness and appreciate your positive changes.
If you really think this is the right path for you, continue reading below.
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