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This article was co-written by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Allison Broennimann is a private practice clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in providing psychotherapeutic solutions to treat anxiety, depression, emotional problems, grief, behavioral problems, stress Trauma and life transitions. As part of her psychotherapy service, she integrates intensive psychotherapy with cognitive rehabilitation for people recovering from traumatic brain injury. Broennimann holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and a master of science and doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Palo Alto. She is licensed by the California Psychological Board and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
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This article has been viewed 28,140 times.
Not everyone can open up about their feelings in front of others. However, withdrawing from friends or other people as well as new experiences can prevent you from developing yourself. Learn how to open your heart so that you can improve your mental health and social life, and to live a fuller, more meaningful life.
Steps
Learn how to share appropriately
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Be aware of different levels of comfort. While communicating honestly and sharing your feelings with others is great, you also need to consider when and with whom you’re sharing yourself. For example, while it’s perfectly reasonable and healthy to open up to your best friend about your painful divorce, it would be inappropriate to share this with the person sitting next to you on the bus. Think about how well you know the person you plan to open up to and see if that person can be trusted.
- When sharing with others, you should consider how close and comfortable you are to that person. Start small – only talk about small problems with strangers or people you only know socially. And if opening up is new to you, you can also start by sharing little things with close friends, gradually you will be able to talk about your divorce.
- Remember that sharing personal information will help strengthen relationships but will not help you establish them. [1] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to the source This means you can’t force yourself to form a close bond with someone you don’t know well through the act of sharing something intimate with them – in fact, this will backfire, as sharing information too soon can be uncomfortable for the other person. You should wait until you have formed a trust with the person before deciding to open up to them.
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Relationship assessment. In an ideal world, people would feel safe opening up to their family and friends, and receiving their comfort and approval. Unfortunately, relationships with family and even friends are not always good. Whether you want to open up to your mother or siblings or to a close friend of many years, you should think about whether that person can listen to you without judgment.
- Is the person patient or indifferent? When you share a problem with that person, do they listen with empathy, or do they say things like “It’s no big deal. I don’t understand why you’re so worried. Stop whining, face it. let’s go with it!”
- Does the person allow others to express their feelings or often interrupts? [2] X Research Source Do they make eye contact, nod, and ask questions? Or are they just staring at their phones, picking at their fingernails, and starting to talk about themselves?
- If that person doesn’t appear to be a sympathetic, sincere listener, you should look to other people you know in your life. If you really want to open up to your father but he’s turning you off, you’d better find a close friend.
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Try to talk to friends and family more often. Another way to open up is to force yourself to schedule at least one long conversation each week with a friend or loved one you trust. You can start by sharing a list of everything that’s going on in your life. For example, if you say, “Yesterday, I went to the bank and found out that my ex-wife withdrew all the money from her account,” your friend or relative might say, “Oh, that sucks! It’s so frustrating.” You can agree or disagree with their comments. “Well, I owe her money anyway, so that’s okay,” or “Yeah, I’m pissed, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.” This way, you can easily share what’s going on as well as your feelings.
- If you’re having a hard time finding the motivation to do this, remember that having social support reduces stress and is generally good for you. [3] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If it’s hard for you to open up to close friends or family, try talking in front of a mirror. If you are having negative thoughts about yourself, such as “No one will want to listen to what I have to say”, you can change your mindset to eliminate the negative aspect by telling yourself in front of the mirror that “Other people might want to hear about my problem, I won’t know for sure if I don’t try.” [4] X Research Sources
- If you’re having trouble opening up to anyone you’re talking to, you can ask them to talk about themselves first and start there. You may find it easier to open up after the other person does this first.
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Accept feelings of vulnerability. Opening up to everyone, whether it’s a stranger or someone you’ve known for a long time can be quite challenging. Perhaps you worry that people will judge your thoughts or feelings. You may be afraid that if you reveal your true self, others will shun you. This is quite common thinking. However, if you accept the vulnerability of opening up to others, no matter how things turn out, you will feel more secure and satisfied in life. [5] X Research Sources
- One way to become comfortable with feelings of vulnerability is to separate actions from consequences. You can control what you say and who you open up to, but you cannot control their reactions or actions. Once you realize that you are not responsible for the behavior or reactions of others, it becomes easier to open up.
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Write diary. If you have trouble sharing your feelings with others, you can express your feelings through a journal first. Allowing yourself the freedom to write about your feelings and thoughts as they come to you without needing to be screened will provide comfort and help you realize the benefits of expressing your feelings. [6] X Research Sources Other people won’t be able to read what you write, so you are free to write about whatever you think. Practicing how to open up on paper will make it easier for you to open up to others and understand what you want to say to people. [7] X Research Sources
- Try to spend about 5-10 minutes a day journaling. Don’t worry about writing meaningful sentences, about handwriting, or fear that you’ll write silly or trivial things. [8] X Research Source You just need to persevere in journaling to express your feelings every day.
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Talk to an expert if you can’t open up. If you feel you simply cannot open up to others under any circumstances, you should seek help from a therapist or counselor. If you’re worried you won’t be able to open up to your therapist either, try cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), where the therapist actively asks questions and is lead the discussion. [9] X Research Resources Let your therapist know that you are coming to them to try to learn how to be open-minded and that you can work together to form an effective solution. [10] X Research Source
Connect with people
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Tell a story. Openness requires that you be the first to initiate a conversation. One way to start a conversation is to talk about an issue that both of you are interested in and can get the other person’s attention. For example, if you’re queuing in a coffee shop and both of you look at the menu, you could start with “So many delicious things like this, what to choose” or whatever you want. makes sense in that moment.
- You should remember to listen carefully to what the other person is saying to you, as it may give you a hint to continue the conversation. [11] X Research Source For example, if the person says “I’d choose an Americano”, you might mention another coffee shop you know that makes this drink very well and ask if Has that person ever been there?
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Use open body language. Like it or not, body language says a lot about you. [12] X Research Source To appear more open, don’t cross your arms or legs while looking directly at the person you’re talking to. By using an open posture, you will appear more positive and open-minded rather than unapproachable or arrogant, which will greatly help you in finding people to interact with.
- Being open-minded can also make you feel more confident and powerful, and help you open up to action. [13] X Research Source
- Part of that open body language is smiling. Smiling is a highly social emotion and you will appear more approachable when you always have a smile on your face. [14] X Research Source[15] X Research Source
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Ask open-ended questions. To start practicing how to open up, you need to engage in an honest, open conversation. Try asking questions like “How are things going at the company?” instead of “How are you?”. [16] X Research Source
- Then, answer each open-ended question honestly, in turn, instead of using old-fashioned sentences like “Good” or “Okay.”
- Or, you can ask, “What good thing happened to you lately?” or “What activities in the city do you think are worth participating?”.
- Asking about personal matters is not always appropriate; However, in many cases, other people will enjoy it when you express your concern and listen to them.
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Look for similarities. Try to connect with others through hobbies, interests, family life, vacations, or books by asking about them. [17] X Research Source When someone mentions a topic you know about, you can say “Oh, I like it too”. Then, continue the conversation with a question that interests you and can spark an honest conversation.
- If you can’t find common ground using this conversation technique, try talking about something this person might be interested in in the future. The open-ended approach will bring interest to the conversation.
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Be friendly. Judgment can manifest in someone even when they don’t say a word, this is a sign of contempt and is a form of emotional expression that many people can recognize. [18] X Sources of Research You will be more open and receptive to others if you maintain an open mind while the other person is sharing their opinions; you may find that it’s easier for you to talk to that person. [19] X Research Source
- Remember that you need to have an accepting attitude towards others that you also want to receive when you open up and show vulnerability.
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Try learning from people who are open-minded. Observe the person in a social situation and take note of how they behave. You can take notes on your phone and other people won’t be able to see what you’re doing. Once you’ve got a few notes on the behavior the person takes to open up, you can use them at the next social event you attend.
- Do not copy their actions immediately in the same social situation as this will backfire; For example, you might make the person feel uncomfortable if they think you’re mimicking or making fun of them. [20] X Research Source
Be open to new experiences
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Try to get in the habit of saying “Yes”. While saying “No” is important in any situation that threatens your safety, leaning towards saying “yes” can be a great way to become more open to the experience. new. You should accept all invitations and all projects that others have for you.
- Even so, you should do it sensibly; otherwise, it can backfire and you will continue to become distant. Remember that you don’t want to accept so many new things at once that you feel confused.
- As a first step, you can speed things up by saying “yes” to a few things you normally refuse, then saying “yes” to more things as you get used to being busy.
- Avoid answering questions with “I don’t know” because it will make you look like you’re not interested in the conversation and don’t want to think about it. [21] X Research Sources Instead, if someone asks you a question and you can’t answer it right away, you can say, “This is great. I’ll have to think for a bit, but I will definitely answer you”.
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Make a list of “goals you want to accomplish before you die. Instead of choosing what you want to do before you die, you can pick 10 things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t been able to do because of your distance. Often, the goal list will be an experience you can never forget; factors that make you happier. [22] X Research Resources Make a list and mark your plans on your calendar so you don’t forget them. Allow yourself 3 months to complete the list.
- If you can’t think of anything you want to do, you can make a list of the 10 best places to eat or visit in your area. Complete this list and consider your feelings.
- Another way to discover something you’ll enjoy doing in the future is to rethink an activity you used to enjoy. Or, you can search the city for attractions to see if any spark your excitement.
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Pretend that you are a tourist in your own hometown. Go anywhere you think it might interest you. Sign up for a tour, go on a bus tour or attend an event. Very few people are open to activities in the area where they live.
- You should also look for things that appeal to you in the neighboring provinces and plan a little adventure.
- Many places offer guidebooks, which you can find in stores or online; They can be a pretty good resource for planning your own openness-building adventure.
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Sign up for a class. Learning opens new avenues of creativity and can help you realize new possibilities in your life. You can find professional or personal classes at your local culture house or library. [23] X Research Sources
- Also, remember that you should open up to others in class, as this can be a great way to meet new friends or find a lover.
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Traveling. If you haven’t taken the time to go somewhere in a while, you might forget the exhilaration that a new experience gives you. Take at least 5 days off to explore the new area.
- Immerse yourself in nature and experience a sense of awe at its grandeur. Feeling amazed can make you think less about yourself, and in turn, can help you to be less shy and more open. [24] X Research Source
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Change schedule. Break out of the usual routines and add some new light in your life. You can do this through small steps, such as changing your exercise day, not going to the coffee shop you usually go to, or waking up early or getting to work by other means.
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Find friends who also want to participate in the new experience. Let your friends choose a few new classes or experiences they want you to do with them.
- Or you can tell your partner that you want to be more open to new experiences and ask him/her to help you with this. Let’s make a financial plan and save money for an adventure together. This can make your life and relationships more interesting and help you open up more, not to mention a vacation that will also help reduce stress. [25] X Research Sources
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This article was co-written by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Allison Broennimann is a private practice clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in providing psychotherapeutic solutions to treat anxiety, depression, emotional problems, grief, behavioral problems, stress Trauma and life transitions. As part of her psychotherapy service, she integrates intensive psychotherapy with cognitive rehabilitation for people recovering from traumatic brain injury. Broennimann holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and a master of science and doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Palo Alto. She is licensed by the California Psychological Board and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
There are 21 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 28,140 times.
Not everyone can open up about their feelings in front of others. However, withdrawing from friends or other people as well as new experiences can prevent you from developing yourself. Learn how to open your heart so that you can improve your mental health and social life, and to live a fuller, more meaningful life.
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