How to Be Less Confused

Be attentive, not attract attention. This is the golden rule when meeting new people. You may be keen to narrate a sensational event you’ve just read, or want to impress a newcomer with your extensive knowledge of Italian cuisine, but if you want a good interaction, you should show off your skills. become interested in the other person’s life instead of raving about your own. Here are a few ways to show interest without being overly excited at the start of a conversation:

• If the person is reading a book, ask him how much he liked the book.
• If you see a person wearing a sweater with the school’s badge on it, ask if they’ve been here recently and ask him what he thinks about the school.
• You can ask a person where they are going if you and them run into each other, and this will start a conversation about the other’s concerns.
• Ask the other person about their plans for the weekend.

Ask specific and broad questions. When you show interest in others, don’t ask random things that come to mind, or people will think you’re just asking randomly or even be seen as rude. Asking questions leads to long answers and shows that you’re trying to get to know them. Don’t ask questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” unless you have the ability to improvise immediately. Here are a few suggestions for how to ask questions:

• “The racket is beautiful. How long have you been playing tennis?”
• “The parties Mary throws are always great. How do you know her?”
• “I like the book “Caught the Children in the Green Fields. Do you read it for fun or for homework? How do you feel about it?”
• “How did you find Mr. Peterson’s test? I didn’t expect it to be so difficult.”

Master the art of socializing. To meet new people, you must master the art of socializing. Etiquette may sound silly, but it’s exactly what helps you get to know someone and makes for a more meaningful discussion as the conversation develops. Knowing how to socialize means being able to flow conversation, knowing how to move from one topic to another, and reading cues that indicate what the other person really wants to talk about. Here are a few things to keep in mind when socializing:

• Make the other person comfortable. Make the other person comfortable by smiling, don’t lean too close, and show that you’re paying attention.
• Reveal a little bit about yourself. Let’s say you like volleyball, you grew up in Da Nang, or your favorite subject is history – give the other person a little fact to talk about.
• Be a good listener. If a sister happens to be mentioned, you can return to that detail when it comes to the topic of siblings; then you can say, “You said you have a sister. Are you two almost the same age?” and the other person will be glad you remembered that.
• Invite the other person to join the story. Make sure you’re asking questions and keep the conversation flowing, don’t just go on and on, and don’t let the other person take up all the time.

At first you should avoid personal topics. Once you and your partner get to know each other, you can start talking about more personal topics. However, you should avoid it at first, or you run the risk of upsetting the other person. One of the reasons people get confused is that they bring up a topic that will obviously upset the other person but they don’t understand why. Here are a few topics that you should avoid when talking to someone for the first time:

• Serious breaks
• The death of a loved one
• Experience in bed
• Health problems you may have
• Struggles are too personal
• When you have to be shy

Do not share too much about your story. Talking too much about yourself often leads the story to become too personal. You might get flustered when the other person has nothing to say, so you make up for it by talking endlessly and then wondering, “How did I end up talking about bronchitis? How about my grandmother’s care?” You may think that saying whatever comes to your mind will keep the conversation going, but it’s actually better to pause and steer the conversation in a more comfortable direction. Here are a few things you should avoid saying to someone new, unless you want to risk your private conversation:

• Your most secret dreams
• Deep entanglements with your parents
• Your unhappy childhood
• Your feelings about sadness, loneliness, separation, or other negative emotions
• Strange marks on your hands
• The time you got so drunk that you threw up

Observe the other person to avoid annoying them. You need to find out what the person you’re talking to is like before you try to make vulgar jokes or harshly criticize a former president. Remember that everyone has a different opinion, and not everyone has the same views as you on politics, religion, or even sports. You should remember that you and a new acquaintance may be in the same social group, but that does not mean that the person has the same opinion as you about the people around you. Here are a few topics you should avoid so as not to upset newbies:

• Comedy stories
• Strongly criticize the current or former president
• Comment on the obvious or impossible existence of God
• Criticize someone you both know
• Criticize every fan of a sports team that he or she may like
• Insider jokes that you share with others
• Any generic comments that might make the other person think, “I guess I’ll have to find out where this person got that weird comment from…”

Don’t be too eager. Embarrassing in front of friends and complete strangers is hard enough, but being awkward in front of someone you really like can lead to feelings of hopelessness. However, there are still a few things you can do to be gracious in front of someone you have a crush on, starting with being calm, and not acting like a puppy ready to hug anyone’s paws. Here are a few suggestions on how to appear calm without being too pushy:

• Smile and say hello, but don’t initiate a hug, unless you’re in a “hug situation” with the person. If you’re not sure, just wait for the other person to just hug first.
• When you see the person coming down the hall, approach her (or the guy) if you’re nearby, don’t run from one end of the building to the other just to say hello, or you’ll look like sneaking after people.
• Don’t be too enthusiastic about nodding your head in approval when the person says anything, thinking that you’re showing interest. Giving meaningful answers is more effective than nodding.
• Don’t laugh at any of the little things the person says – especially if they’re not meant to be funny.

Give specific compliments. To be less awkward in communication, you need to know the difference between flattering compliments and pleasant compliments. Don’t say to a girl, “You have such soft, bouncy hair, I just want to run my hands through your hair,” unless you want her to slowly turn away. Instead, say, “I like your hairstyle. It makes me look like (insert a beautiful star name here)”. Compliments should show the other person that you’re paying attention to them, and not that you’re trying too hard to compliment them.

• “You have a beautiful smile” or “Your laugh sounds so good” are often effective compliments.
• Complimenting a girl on her outfit or jewelry can make her feel special.
• Complimenting a certain quality of a person is also effective; You will make him very happy if you tell him that he has a good sense of humor.
• Don’t go overboard with compliments. If you compliment the person every now and then, you will annoy them and even bore them.

Control your body language. One of the awkward gestures when communicating is “too close to talking,” meaning you stand too close to the guy or girl you want to kiss. You can do this if you want to show affection, but standing too close and leaning so much toward the person that people have to back away won’t make you any more likeable.

• Keep an appropriate distance and make occasional hand gestures to liven up the conversation.
• Make eye contact, but look away from time to time so you don’t seem tense.
• Don’t reach out and touch a girl’s hair, unless you’re invited to do so. She wouldn’t think this was a good thing.

Make the person comfortable. Remember that the person you like will respond to your feelings and can be a little awkward. You should try to put the person at ease by being friendly, smiling when the person says something that you know is meant to be funny, and reacting the way she wants. If she says something funny, laugh; If she seems serious, then put your smile on your face. Make the person feel that you are on the same level as her and you won’t be playing any tricks here.

• If the person you like is your guest, make her feel more comfortable by inviting her to sit, offering her a drink or a snack.
• Take yourself out as a joke, you will make the person feel more comfortable.
• If the person accidentally spills or drops something, say, “You spill it all the time.”