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This article was co-written by Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a psychologist working for a private company in San Jose, CA. He specializes in helping successful but troubled people in love and marriage, reduce stress and anxiety, and help them be happier in life. In 2016, he gave a TED talk on men and men’s feelings. He is the co-founder of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook’s headquarters, and currently advises Digital Ocean to support their Safety Team. He received his doctorate in clinical psychology in 2008.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 37,544 times.
People are often bothered by the people around them. A person can be so overwhelmed by betrayal, disappointment, or negative emotions that they feel it’s better not to be emotional. While being emotionless is impossible for healthy people, sometimes you can benefit from being emotionless in certain situations. If you separate yourself from the emotional realm, avoid being overly friendly, and put yourself first, then others have no chance to take advantage or hurt you for their benefit.
Steps
Act emotionless to avoid emotional pain
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Let go of past feelings. The term “emotional debt” refers to emotions that are not yet healed and that we let them repeat over and over in our daily lives. You should be honest with yourself about past feelings that linger, try to break the patterns you’ve developed in response to those feelings, and step out of your comfort zone. This helps you become aware of the effects of past emotions and be able to ignore them. [1] X Research Source
- You may think that your comfort zone protects you from bad emotions, but if you stay there, you’re allowing unpleasant emotions to hold you back. When you step out of there, you can control your negative emotions.
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Avoid specific expectations. When an experience or person is not what you expected, you get hurt. Let go of any expectations you have in life, and once you do expect something, keep your vision as broad and as specific as possible. This prevents you from suffering any emotional pain when things don’t go your way.
- You can also change your expectations to something more realistic. For example, if you expect cooler weather today, you’ll be less likely to be disappointed than if you expect exactly 23 degrees, windy and moderately sunny weather.
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Keep yourself busy. Being busy improves your life satisfaction. Choose activities that help propel you toward your goal or benefit you. Giving yourself a reward will help you stay busy. [2] X Research Source
- This also helps you to expend energy on work, practice, cleaning, etc. instead of looking for emotional ties.
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Keep relationships under control. Avoid letting people get too close or control you with promises, begging or apologizing. Identify each type of relationship you want to enter and control how much you invest in that relationship.
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Seek professional help from therapist. If you feel overwhelmed by past trauma and cannot let your emotions go, you may need help from a professional psychotherapist. Issues such as chronic depression or anxiety should not be ignored. A therapist can help you determine which medical/medical measures are appropriate to help you overcome this emotional debt. [3] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
Act emotionlessly to avoid being taken advantage of and move forward
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Know what I want. It’s like you already know what you don’t want in life. What you need to do next is define your interests and move on to defining exactly what you want in life. The more clearly and without hesitation you want, the more effectively you will be able to get what you want. [4] X Research Sources
- If you know what you want, it’s harder for others to dictate to you. This is important for achieving success and not wasting time and energy on others.
- Sometimes guilt and stress will cause you to do the opposite of what you want. Knowing what you want will make you stronger in the face of difficult situations.
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Communicate your wishes. Once you know exactly what you want, it’s likely that you’ll have to share some things for others to understand. Communicate exactly what you want and expect from the people around you. Don’t compromise with your own desires. [5] X Research Sources
- You will probably need to put in some time and energy to get the people around you to like you. But remember to draw boundaries and not let anyone take advantage of your desires against you.
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Say “No” to everything that doesn’t work for you. When you agree to do something that doesn’t benefit you, you’re wasting your time. Don’t give away time so easily. Engage only in activities that help you achieve your personal goals, and politely decline offers or invitations that are unprofitable.
- Be frank. Say “No, I can’t (or won’t) do it”. If you want to elaborate, it’s okay to say “I don’t have time to commit to this,” but it’s not necessary. [6] X Research Sources
- This step can be difficult, especially when you are prone to conviction. Things like charities you don’t support, friends who need your help, and even family that demand too much of your time can get in the way of success. Please say “No”.
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Consider collaborating with others. Whether as yourself or your company, organization, community, etc., it is often difficult to accept the fact that working with others can benefit you, but it is true. Collaboration is a healthy and effective way to achieve your goals. Make sure the relationship is mutually beneficial and neither side is taken advantage of. [7] X Trusted Source Kansas University Center for Community Health and Development Go to source
- Relationships must come from both sides. When working with others, you must give as much as you receive. This will help build stronger professional and social relationships.
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Consider other people’s motives. You will often be asked to help people in some way. You should understand why they ask you and what they expect when they ask you. Understand why someone needs something from you, then determine if there is any benefit to your willingness to do it.
Acting emotionlessly to avoid people
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Avoid gossip. Technology has made it easier to avoid gossip. Pretend to call or show intent by wearing a headset to prevent strangers or acquaintances from approaching. You can also interrupt the conversation all the time by saying something like “I’m too busy to talk”.
- For example, when a coworker meets you at the snack machine, simply interrupt them by saying, “I can’t talk right now. There is a deadline to pay.”
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Decline invitations to meetings. You don’t have to forcefully refuse. However, you should make a firm and decisive decision. If you make a weak excuse not to attend, the meeting host will beg you to come. [8] X Research Sources
- A good way to avoid almost any event is to say powerful statements like “Sorry. I have other plans.”
- You don’t need to explain if you decline an invitation. Simply say “Sorry, I can’t come”.
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Refuse to help. Sometimes you feel like helping others is the right thing to do. Instead, choose to say no and say “No” confidently. Again, you don’t have to be rude to get people to understand. [9] X Research Source
- If a friend asks you to babysit, simply say, “Sorry. I can’t help.” You can explain more if you want, but usually it doesn’t have to be.
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Consider building a new support system. If you feel like friends and family are the problem, maybe building a new support system is a healthy way to cut ties with them. Try meeting new people with similar interests. Find people who frequent the same places you go, work in the same industry as you, or generally like the things you also enjoy. [10] X Research Source
Advice
- Don’t procrastinate, take advantage of the opportunity for yourself.
- Don’t feel guilty.
Warning
- Be prepared to be treated coldly by others.
- Some people won’t like it when you become insensitive to them.
X
This article was co-written by Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a psychologist working for a private company in San Jose, CA. He specializes in helping successful but troubled people in love and marriage, reduce stress and anxiety, and help them be happier in life. In 2016, he gave a TED talk on men and men’s feelings. He is the co-founder of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook’s headquarters, and currently advises Digital Ocean to support their Safety Team. He received his doctorate in clinical psychology in 2008.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 37,544 times.
People are often bothered by the people around them. A person can be so overwhelmed by betrayal, disappointment, or negative emotions that they feel it’s better not to be emotional. While being emotionless is impossible for healthy people, sometimes you can benefit from being emotionless in certain situations. If you separate yourself from the emotional realm, avoid being overly friendly, and put yourself first, then others have no chance to take advantage or hurt you for their benefit.
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