How To Be A Shy Guy Open Up To You

Shy people are very cautious and shy in all social interactions. They tend to avoid social interactions and are reluctant to share personal information. This can frustrate friends and family from forming a deeper bond with them, as well as make it difficult for some new friends to extend friendships with them.

Table of Contents

Breaking Barriers

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Dare to be a pioneer. People who are shy also want to interact socially, but they are often anxious or shy. ^{[1] X Research Source} So that’s why they don’t want to be the conversation starter. Therefore, you should be the one to initiate the conversation.

Approach him at random. A formal opening can make him feel nervous and more reserved.
If you’re somewhere unfamiliar, try to approach him and tell him you’re happy to see someone you know here.
If you haven’t had a lot of time together before, explain to him where you’ve seen him.

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Try asking questions about your surroundings, asking for help, or even giving a general statement about the situation at hand. ^{[2] X Research Source} Focuses on thinking and/or acting, rather than feelings. This will help ease his anxiety and make it easier to join the conversation.

Ask open-ended questions to avoid the situation that he will only answer yes or no. Plus, give him a chance to answer the follow-up question. This will make the conversation go more smoothly.
- For example, you could ask him, “Have you discovered any projects for your class presentation?” After he responds, you can ask him to elaborate further and ask a few more follow-up questions.

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Try to be in tune with his strong feelings and mimic the same pose. This action will show concern without being taken as over-the-top. ^{[3] X Trusted Source Yale University Go to the Source} Mirroring can also help deepen your intimacy and speed up your relationship. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

The mirroring process also includes the act of imitation. Therefore, you should focus more on mimicking his mood and gentle movements. However, overt copying can backfire. ^{[5] X Research Sources}
For example, if he’s leaning on his back, you should lean back too, but don’t directly copy his every move.

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Notice his body language. If he’s really shy, he might even be embarrassed to tell you that he’s uncomfortable with this conversation. You should watch his body language to see if he’s comfortable and relaxed, or nervous and stressed. ^{[6] X Research Sources}^{[7] X Research Sources}

If his arms are crossed over his chest, or his hands are in his pockets, then he is probably feeling uncomfortable. In the event that his arms are loose and hanging out at his sides, he’s probably feeling pretty comfortable.
If his body leans away from you, it could be a sign that he’s trying to run away from this conversation. If his body is tilted towards you (including his feet), that means he’s interested in staying in that position.
If his behavior is somewhat timid or tense, he probably doesn’t feel comfortable. If his movements are friendly and gentle, he’s probably feeling fine.
If he makes eye contact with you often, he’s probably interested in continuing the conversation. If his gaze drifts away or seems unfocused, he may feel uncomfortable.

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Slowly turn the conversation into a personal one. At first, the conversation should start out as general and then gradually become more intimate so that he has more time to manage his own anxiety. Asking questions about what he’s thinking or feeling about the topic of the conversation is seen as a simple way to adjust to privacy without becoming too intimate.

To subtly redirect the conversation to a personal topic, ask a few questions like, “What excites you about that project?” or “Why did you choose this project?”

Directing His Attention to Everything Outside

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Focus on external characteristics. Shy people have a tendency to focus on themselves and feel a fear of not being adequate. ^{[8] X Research Source} By directing his attention to everything outside, he’ll be less cautious and more communicative.

Feeling ashamed will increase his shyness. ^{[9] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source} Discussing an event or issue related to the environment will reduce the chances of unknowingly embarrassing him.

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Continue focusing on the external topic until the conversation becomes more intimate and he becomes more excited. Shy people are highly self-aware and they often avoid excessive hand movements and facial expressions even when they are uncomfortable in the conversation. If they frequently use gestures and facial expressions, it could be a sign that they seem more comfortable with self-awareness.

Bringing up personal topics too quickly can make him feel rushed and isolated. ^{[10] X Research Source}

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Encourage him to participate in the activity. This is especially helpful in cases where your conversation with him seems unnatural. Doing something together establishes a systematic flow of communication, which in turn helps reduce the stress of thinking about what to say or when to speak.

Playing games together is also a great way to focus his attention on things outside.
- For example, you could ask, “Do you want to play games to pass the time?” Of course he will ask what game it is, and you should prepare an answer in advance. If he suggests a different kind of game, don’t worry too much about not knowing how to play. Teaching you how to play that kind of game is a great opportunity for him to become bolder in conversation.

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Turn the conversation to a personal topic. You should only do this step after the connection between the two of you has become more natural and maintaining the conversation now doesn’t take too much effort. You’ll know you’ve reached this point once you realize that the conversation is going smoothly for several minutes without thinking about how to get him to talk.

A good question to ask him to talk about himself is, “How do you like to spend your free time?” You can then follow up with this question with more questions about what he usually enjoys during that leisure time.
- If he seems a little stressed, return to the off-topic and try to redirect the conversation once he’s comfortable again.
- If you still can’t redirect the conversation after a few attempts, tell him you really enjoyed the activity and plan to meet him again another time. This will give him time to feel more comfortable with your interactions.

Self-Disclosure to Make an Emotional Connection

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Actively share personal information about yourself. By showing him that you trust him enough to put yourself at risk, he can begin to feel more secure in the conversation. First, share your interests or thoughts with him.

You could start by sharing how you spent your free time.
After you’ve shared some information with him, you should move on to revealing emotional information to establish an emotional bond. ^{[11] X Research Source}
Shouldn’t be too hasty. If he still looks worried or confused, don’t be too hasty to tell him about your feelings too quickly. It’s best to start with small things in a positive direction, like: “I saw this movie last week, it was really good and left an impression a few days later.” ^{[12] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source}

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Express your anxiety in the conversation. You can also express your feelings to help reassure him that he’s not the only one experiencing social anxiety. ^{[13] X Research Sources} Furthermore, this enhances the informal nature of the conversation, as it’s more of a self-disclosure about how you feel about him.

For example, you could say to him, “I was really nervous and nervous talking to you.” He will follow up with your expression by asking why. If you have a feeling that compliments might embarrass him, explain that you sometimes feel a little nervous about approaching other people.
Avoid jumping right into confessing your feelings, as it may seem premature. He may become more shy and may withdraw.

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Ask him what level of self-disclosure is appropriate. Always respect his boundaries and don’t expect too much. The goal here is to make him more comfortable expressing himself. You can hardly make him reveal his most intimate secret in just one day. However, this helps to develop the level of intimacy between the two of you.

Try asking him to reveal how he feels about this conversation. This is seen as a less serious question, rather than a question like how he sees you or being friends.
A good way for him to connect with his feelings, without putting pressure on him, is to ask, “Do you feel comfortable in situations like this?”
Then you can also ask a few more open-ended questions, such as “What circumstances would make you feel…?” If he’s on the verge of backing out, go back to a more general question.

Let’s Chat Online

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Connect with him via email or social media. People who are shy often feel more secure about discovering social connections online on their own. ^{[14] X Research Source} The ability to self-correct and manage first impressions will increase a man’s self-control, thereby helping him to reduce anxiety and stress. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Many social networking sites allow shy members to explore new relationships, without the emphasis on immediate feedback like face-to-face communication.
When the natural state of the conversation turns to a more personal matter, you should send him a private message. He may feel a little uncomfortable when personal or sensitive information is present on his circle.

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Share a personal preference to start a conversation. This both helps break the ice online, and at the same time provides a theme to help focus more on things outside. Online chat gives both parties a perfect opportunity to share videos, photos, games, and common knowledge.

Avoid opening the conversation with questions or delving too deeply into personal information, even when the two of you are online. Even when he is online, he can withdraw if it feels too inconvenient.

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Self-disclose to direct the conversation to a personal topic. Showing that you’re hurting yourself will help him feel more secure about doing the same. Ask him to share the necessary information if he can’t open up on his own.

There’s no shame in asking him to return your enthusiasm. However, that doesn’t have to be measured against a balanced standard. Be more mindful of his boundaries and limitations. Just a little revelation from you can make him stretch out of his comfort zone.
Don’t forget to consider your disadvantage. If you find that he has no intention of reciprocating, you don’t have to be completely open about yourself.

Understanding What is Inner

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Distinguish between shame and introspection. Often, people are labeled “shy,” when they are actually introverts. Shame and introspection often share some of the same characteristics, but they are not the same thing. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Shame is a state when you feel nervous or afraid in socializing with others. This fear/anxiety can lead to you avoiding social interaction even when deep down you really want to communicate with them. This condition can be improved by changing thoughts and behaviors.
Introspection is often biased towards personality. And this personality is hardly easily changed over time. Introverts often do not actively socialize because their need for social interaction is lower than extroverts and they feel content with it. They don’t intend to avoid socializing out of fear or anxiety, but simply because they don’t need to socialize much.
Research shows that shame and introspection do not have a strong correlation. You may feel shy but desperately want to socialize with people. Introverts, on the other hand, feel comfortable hanging out with their closest friends. ^{[17] X Research Sources Cheek, JM, & Melchior, LA (1990). Shyness, self-esteem, and self-consciousness. In H. Leitenberg (Ed.), Handbook of Social and Evaluation Anxiety (pp. 47-82). New York: Plenum Publishing.}
You can learn more about the question and scale associated with shame through research at the Wellesley Cplege School website. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

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Identify characteristics of introverts. Most people fall somewhere between “introvert” and “extrovert.” And this may even change, based on circumstances. ^{[19] X Research Source} However, if you think your shy guy is actually an introvert, find out for yourself through a few traits below: ^{[20] X Source study}

He likes to be alone. In many cases, introverts enjoy being alone. They themselves don’t feel lonely, and they need that alone time to recharge. Of course, they are not antisocial, simply their need to socialize is very low. ^{[21] X Research Source}
It is easy for him to fall into overstimulation. This includes not only being stimulated by social circumstances, but also physical activity. For introverts, biological responses to noise, light, and crowds are somewhat stronger than for extroverts. ^{[22] X Research Source} It is for this reason that they tend to avoid overly aggressive environments, such as nightclubs or parties.
He hates participating in group projects. Introverts often prefer to work alone, or only with one or two people. They like to solve problems on their own and come up with a solution without any help. ^{[23] X Research Sources}
He wanted to socialize quietly. Of course, introverts also like to be active in the company. However, bustling social activities often tend to make them feel tired and need to “recharge” themselves. That’s why they just want to attend some private party with a few close friends or family party with neighbors around. ^{[24] X Research Source}
He likes to do something according to his daily routine. While extroverts are excited about new things, introverts are quite the opposite. They like something stable and predictable. They can plan everything perfectly in advance, do what they normally do every day, and spend a lot of time thinking before deciding to act. ^{[25] X Research Sources}

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Realize that some personality traits can be “innate.” If your guy is an introvert, you may be tempted to ask him to change. While it’s possible to make introverts more intimate and comfortable, research shows that there are some biological differences between the brains of introverts and extroverts. This gives rise to the idea that some elements of personality cannot go any further.

For example, extroverts often respond more strongly to dopamine – a brain neurotransmitter – than introverts. ^{[26] X Research Sources}
Extroverts’ amygdala, the area in the center of the brain that processes emotions in humans, often responds to stimuli completely differently than introverts.

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Do a little quiz with your shy guy. This is considered an interesting action to know more about the other person’s personality. The personality test called Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory (MBTI) is one of the famous tests to test the characteristics of introverts/extroverts. This test is often administered by a mental health professional. ^{[27] X Research Resources} However, the MBTI personality test comes in several versions that you can take online. Of course, they are not comprehensive and not completely reliable, but they can still give you a good idea.

16Personalities is a fairly popular MBTI test. It will tell you a few strengths and weaknesses related to your “type” of personality.

Advice

Prepare a deck of cards or travel games to invite him to play with.

Warning

Although playful teasing often stimulates interaction between close friends, this behavior can cause the particularly shy person to become more embarrassed. You should avoid this type of interaction until the interaction between you and the guy becomes more intimate.

Steps