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This article was co-written by Kathy Slattengren, M.Ed.. Kathy Slattengren is a parenting teacher and coach, and founder of Priceless Parenting. With over 20 years of experience, Kathy specializes in helping parents build strong and loving relationships with their children. She has helped thousands of parents around the world through Priceless Parenting’s online classes, presentations, coaching classes, and books. Kathy holds a bachelor’s degree in computer science and psychology from the University of Minnesota and a master’s degree in education and instructional design from the University of Washington. Kathy is a member of the National Education Network on Parenting Skills, the American Coalition to End Violence Against Children, the International Association for Educational Technology, and a founding member of the Parent Learning Link organization. . Priceless Parenting has been featured on TV channels ABC News, Komo News, King 5 News, National PTA, Parent Map and Inspire Me Today.
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Being a father is never easy. No matter how old your children are or how many children you have, realize that a father’s duty never ends. To be a good father, you must always stand by your children, set an example for them and be strict in teaching your children, empathizing with their needs but not being lenient. Check out these steps to learn how to be a good father.
Steps
Side by side with me
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Make time for your children. The kids won’t care if you just got a promotion at the company or you own the most expensive house in the neighborhood. What the kids care about is having dinner with you, watching football on Sundays and watching movies with you on a week night. If you want to be a good father, you should spend time with your kids every day – or at least every week – no matter how busy you are.
- Add time spent with your kids to your calendar. The perfect evenings for your kids might fall on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. You should take the time to get things sorted out on these days so you don’t get distracted.
- If you have more than one child, spend time meeting each of them individually to strengthen your bond with them.
- If you are too tired to play basketball with your child, do something else like watch a basketball game or movie about basketball. It is important that you can spend time with your child.
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Be there for your child at important moments. While spending time with your child each week is a great way to bond, you should also try to be present for important events. Arrange your schedule so that you can be present for your child’s first day of school, an important sporting event, or your child’s high school graduation.
- Your children will remember these moments for the rest of their lives and your presence means a lot.
- You’ll probably be busy when one of your children’s big events is coming up, but if you miss it, you’ll regret it later.
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Teach your children important lessons. You should also be there to teach your kids how to get some of the basics done in life. For example, helping your son use the bathroom, teaching them to brush their teeth properly, helping them learn to ride a bike, and teaching them how to drive a car when they are old enough. You can also teach your son to shave and maintain personal hygiene. Your children will need your presence to learn the important lessons of life and the little everyday things. [1] X Research Source
- Share parenting with your partner. Both of you should teach your children the important things they need to enter life.
- Help them learn from mistakes. When your children make mistakes, you should help them understand the reason and guide them to avoid repeating the same thing in the future instead of just giving punishment and letting go.
- Praise your child’s efforts often and critique them sensitively. Your attitude will have a huge impact as your child develops self-esteem.
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Develop communication skills with your child. It means a lot to you to be present in your child’s important moments, and just as important is being able to communicate with your child when you are present. You don’t always have to do fun things with your children to make them enjoy being with you; Instead, just focus on being able to communicate in a way that understands your children’s concerns and difficulties.
- Be sure to check in with your kids every day so you know what they’re going through that week, their worries, and their thoughts.
- You shouldn’t ask a symbolic question like “How are things today?” without really wanting to know the answer.
- Teenagers or busy students often don’t want to give you all the details. Make sure you check in with your child regularly so they know you care and don’t feel suffocated.
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Plan a trip with your child. To be a good father, you should spend time traveling with your children – with or without your mother. You can plan an annual fishing trip with your daughters, a beach trip with your son or a memorable camping trip with the kids. Whatever the plan, create a special, unforgettable, and repeatable experience at least once a year so that you gradually form a delightfully familiar father-son event.
- For trips with your mom, spend time alone with your kids when you can.
- Planning a few months in advance of a trip will give your kids something exciting and different to look forward to.
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Take time for yourself. While it’s important to be around the kids, it’s still a good idea to take some time for yourself when you can, such as setting aside Sunday afternoons to work on your own, or spending half an hour running each session. Morning or relaxing with an interesting book every night before going to bed. You should put your children’s concerns first, but don’t completely forget your own needs.
- If you don’t take time for yourself, you won’t be able to relax, recharge, and continue to give your kids the time and attention they need.
- You can choose a special room or chair in the house as a place where the children know not to disturb the father. Get them used to the concept of “self time” and explain that you’ll be working alone for a while – unless they really need you.
Be strict
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Reward appropriately. A strict father not only knows how to punish his child when he makes a mistake, but also knows how to reward him when he does something well to encourage him to repeat the good things. Every time your child achieves good results in school, knows how to help her with a difficult assignment, or is mature enough not to get into a fight, say you are proud of her, take her to the restaurant. love or do anything to show you appreciate your child’s good deed.
- For small children, love is a great reward to help them realize your pride.
- Acknowledge and praise your child’s efforts. You should give three compliments before each criticism.
- While occasionally rewarding your child with a candy or new toy for good behavior can encourage it, you shouldn’t just reward a toy or candy every time your child does the right thing. Your child should also be encouraged to know how to distinguish right from wrong as you have taught.
- Don’t reward your child for completing obvious tasks, like doing chores or cleaning up after she’s done something. If you do, your child will feel like he’s just helping you.
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Give appropriate punishment. To be strict in parenting, you have to give punishment when your child makes a mistake. That doesn’t mean you’ll hit or scold your child; instead, this is a way for your child to know what he did wrong and the consequences for it. As you gradually become more understanding, you will realize your own mistakes. [2] X Research Source
- Talk to your partner about family rules and next steps in developing your child’s character.
- Make sure you and your wife agree with the punishment for children. Regardless of whether the parent is the witness of the child’s wrongdoing, the punishment that the child receives will be the same. This is a way to help you avoid the situation of playing the role of “the protagonist, the villain”.
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Always be consistent. Being consistent is just as important as having the right rewards and punishments. If your child disobeys, the punishment will be the same, whether it’s somewhat inconvenient or you’re tired or in public. When your child has good manners, don’t forget to make him feel special, no matter how tired or stressed you are.
- If you don’t act consistently, your children will learn that your reactions can be influenced by mood.
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Don’t yell. You will feel angry at your child’s behavior, but yelling is not the solution. If you need a mood lift, shout it out loud when you’re alone, in the bathroom, or with your face in the pillow. Don’t yell at your kids, even if you really want to. You can raise your voice to let your kids know they’re wrong, but if you keep yelling, they’ll get scared and won’t want to talk to you.
- While this can be difficult, you shouldn’t let your kids see you lose control.
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Do not use violence. While angry, you should avoid hitting, hurting, or grabbing your children. This affects your child’s physical and emotional well-being and causes them to avoid you. If your kids think you have violent tendencies, they won’t want to speak up and won’t want to be around you. You should avoid using violence in front of your child or partner, if you want to earn their respect. [3] X Research Sources
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Show respect and love. While it’s important to make sure your kids know you’re strict and that they can’t get over you, they also want to be loved and deeply attached to you. To be a good father, you need to draw the line between being tough while raising your child and giving him a feeling of being loved and appreciated.
- If you put too much emphasis on being respected by your children, they won’t feel comfortable opening up to you.
- If you put too much emphasis on pleasing your children, they will think you are an easy, unprincipled person
Be a good example for your children to follow
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Be an example for your child. If you want to set an example for your children, your rule will be “Do as you say and do as you do”; That way, your kids will know that you’re serious about teaching them good manners. If you want your child to behave according to your expectations, let them see your positive behavior first. Here are some ways you can set an example for your child:
- For example, if you don’t want your child to smoke or drink regularly, you shouldn’t do these things in front of your child – or better yet, break these habits.
- If you want your child to treat others with kindness and respect, he or she must see you show respect in the way you treat a wide range of people, from the waiter at your local restaurant to the telemarketer. phone.
- If you don’t want your kids to argue, then don’t argue with your wife in front of them.
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Respect your wife. If you want to set an example for your children, you must first be someone who respects your wife. After you get married, you should show your children that you are loving, supportive, and happy to be with your wife. If you treat your wife badly, your children will see that it is okay to treat your mother or others badly because dad often does. [4] X Research Sources
- Part of respecting your wife is sharing the childcare and housework with her.
- Let your children see you give your wife the love and affection she deserves.
- Not only should you respect your wife, but you must also love her and strive to maintain a relationship filled with love, joy, and care. If the children’s mother is happy, everyone will be happy.
- In the event of a divorce, you should not speak ill of the mother of your children, even if the rice is not healthy or the soup is not sweet. Letting children see their parent’s broken relationship can cause them stress and anxiety.
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Dare to admit fault. You don’t have to be perfect to set an example for your kids. In fact, your imperfections are essential for your children to see that no one is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes. When you make a mistake, such as forgetting to pick up your child on time or getting angry, you should admit your mistake and apologize.
- If you can get rid of your ego in front of your children, it will be easier for them to confess to you about their mistakes.
- The fact that you dare to admit mistakes will help your child learn more than always “doing things well”.
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Help with housework. If you want your children to help with the housework, you should do the same, no matter how busy the work is. Let your kids see you wash the dishes, clean the kitchen and sweep the floor, and they’ll want to help, too. If kids think that cleaning is “mammy’s job,” they won’t be as eager to help out when needed.
- Helping around the house is not only a way to make your wife happy, but it also helps your children see that parents always help each other and that they should too.
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Make your children respect you. Respect is not something you can achieve naturally, you need to behave in such a way that your children respect you. If you’re not always around with your kids, yelling at your wife, or just occasionally engaging in discipline, your kids won’t respect you just because you’re their father. You should behave in an admirable, honest and consistent manner so that your children see that you are an exemplary father and a person to be admired.
- However, your children shouldn’t worship you and think you’re perfect – they should see that you’re a normal person who wants to take good care of them.
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Let your child feel your boundless love. You might think that setting an example for your kids means being a little cold and always doing the right thing, but in reality it means connecting deeply, not being afraid to hug your kids and say that they children are very important to you. Every day, don’t forget to say “I love you,” cuddle, and let your kids know how much they mean to you. [5] X Research Sources
- No matter what age they are, they need your love and cuddles.
- Praise your child and say that your life is meaningless without him.
Always understanding
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Accept that the children are not friends. Maybe you want your kids to inherit the family business, go to college, or become a high school soccer star like you were, but you have to accept the fact that your kids are independent individuals with their own needs, desires, and desires. want to be private and perhaps not in tune with you. You will think that only your way leads to happiness, but to be a good father, you have to accept that your children have different ideas about how to live.
- You think you’re doing a good job by telling your kids what to do or how to live, but you’re actually compromising their independence by trying to control them.
- It will take time for you to accept your children’s wishes. If you can’t understand why your child wants to be an artist when you’re a doctor, give them a chance to explain it to you and take the time to listen and understand.
- If you interfere too deeply in your children’s lives, they will get angry and not want to share with you.
- Let them make their own decisions by giving them the opportunity to be independent and open-minded. You may want your child to play baseball, but suggest other activities and let them decide for themselves.
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Conscious of the change of time. To be a good father, you have to understand that your children do not grow up in the same environment as you used to – even if you raise them at the same time. With the influence of globalization, social networks and political changes in today’s society, children have different experiences and are more aware of the issues and changes in today’s society. [6] X Research Sources
- So you need to keep in mind that body piercings, premarital sex, and traveling around the world are more common than in your time. Accept that your children are a product of time and that they want to explore the world more than you ever have.
- You may think you know exactly how life works, but you should let your kids express themselves and share your perspective.
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Accept your children’s mistakes. If you want to be the understanding parent, accept that your kids aren’t perfect and they can make mistakes just like you do. Mistakes in life are lessons for your children and you should accept that your child needs a lot of lessons to grow up – whether it’s crashing in traffic, getting paralyzed in an exam because of being lazy to review. , or buy useless goods with savings.
- If you don’t allow your kids to fail every now and then, they won’t learn anything. You may want to protect and protect your child, but letting them make mistakes will help them make better decisions.
- You will still give your child proper punishment when he makes a mistake, but don’t forget to talk about his wrongdoing and show him the consequences of his mistake instead of just yelling at him.
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Understand your child’s difficulties. To be a good father, you must be aware of times when your child is having a hard time and be attentive to his or her needs. Maybe the little girl is having a hard time after moving house because she has no friends, or the son has just experienced his first love and is very upset.
- While you can’t fully empathize with your child’s coldness or emotional behavior, you should pay attention to his thoughts so you can understand and talk to him when he’s having a hard time.
- Just by saying “I know you’re having a hard time. Would you like to share this with me?” It’s enough to help your child feel that you care.
- Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes. When you get angry, understanding what your child is going through will help you understand their behavior.
- Prioritize your children by always being available to talk to them, even if you don’t really agree with their choices.
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Don’t set unrealistic expectations for your child. Children’s lives also have many pressures, from siblings, friends at school to teachers or coaches. Help your child understand their desires and recognize their own abilities and limitations. You can also help your child set reasonable goals. Encourage your child to reach his or her full potential but avoid forcing them to achieve what you once had or to expect them to fulfill your dreams.
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Understand that the father’s duty has no end. Don’t think that when your child turns 21 or graduates from college, parenting is over. While it’s important that you encourage your child to become financially and emotionally independent, don’t forget to let them know that you care about them and stand by them and that they are important to you.
Advice
- Always talk to your child, instead of criticizing them.
- Ask your dad and/or grandfather about your parenting experience, and ask them what you don’t quite understand.
- Always show patience and understanding.
- Always listen to your children, even if you don’t understand what they are saying.
- Teach your children by example and don’t make excuses for your actions like “Do what you say, not what you do”.
- The goal in being strict with your children is to let them know their behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable. The use of force (such as spanking) is controversial and some violent punishments are considered abusive behavior.
- If you’re too strict, don’t be surprised when your child rebels behind your back – especially when he’s a teenager. Remember that there is a huge difference between being a father and being a dictator.
- If you do adopt, accept your child for who he is and don’t encourage him to be like you.
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This article was co-written by Kathy Slattengren, M.Ed.. Kathy Slattengren is a parenting teacher and coach, and founder of Priceless Parenting. With over 20 years of experience, Kathy specializes in helping parents build strong and loving relationships with their children. She has helped thousands of parents around the world through Priceless Parenting’s online classes, presentations, coaching classes, and books. Kathy holds a bachelor’s degree in computer science and psychology from the University of Minnesota and a master’s degree in education and instructional design from the University of Washington. Kathy is a member of the National Education Network on Parenting Skills, the American Coalition to End Violence Against Children, the International Association for Educational Technology, and a founding member of the Parent Learning Link organization. . Priceless Parenting has been featured on TV channels ABC News, Komo News, King 5 News, National PTA, Parent Map and Inspire Me Today.
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Being a father is never easy. No matter how old your children are or how many children you have, realize that a father’s duty never ends. To be a good father, you must always stand by your children, set an example for them and be strict in teaching your children, empathizing with their needs but not being lenient. Check out these steps to learn how to be a good father.
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