How To Ask For Forgiveness

Asking for forgiveness is not a simple matter of stammering a few words. It’s a way of showing that you accept your mistakes and learn from them. To ask forgiveness from another person you need time to think about your actions and how they have affected the person you have wronged. Then you need to approach the person with sincerity and be ready to accept the rejection. Asking for forgiveness is not easy, but you can learn it by taking these simple steps. Read on to learn how to properly apologize.

Table of Contents

Before Sorry

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Think about what you did to make other people angry. Before apologizing, you need to determine what you did to make the person angry. It’s important to know exactly what actions made them angry with you. If you’re not sure why the person is mad at you, you should ask what made them so.

Hypothetical scenario 1: I embarrassed my friend by arguing at his birthday party.
Hypothetical scenario 2: I got mad at my wife and was upset all day.

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Understand why you do it. Besides understanding what you did to make the person angry, you should also understand why you did it. While you don’t want to use your intentions as an excuse, your excuses will help you develop an apology by helping you take responsibility for your actions. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Hypothetical scenario 1: I had an argument at a party because I felt left out and wanted attention.
Hypothetical scenario 2: I did this to my wife because I couldn’t sleep last night and was thinking too much.

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Sympathize with the person you have wronged. It is important to have empathy for the person you are apologizing to. When you have empathy, you understand why your actions hurt others because you have put yourself in their shoes and thought about their pain. Without sympathy, an apology would be cliché and insincere. ^{[2] X Research Resources} Before apologizing, you need time to develop empathy for the person. Imagine if the same thing happened to you. How will you feel? What you will do?

Hypothetical scenario 1: If my friend got into an argument at my party, I would feel angry and betrayed.
Hypothetical scenario 2: If my wife gets angry for no reason and treats me badly all day, I will feel hurt and bad.

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Remember that your mistakes don’t make you the bad guy. Apologizing can be difficult because it requires you to admit you did something wrong. Remember that apologizing doesn’t mean you admit you’re the bad guy. Research shows that taking a moment to reaffirm your good qualities (in private, before apologizing) can make apologizing easier. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Take some time for yourself before apologizing, look in the mirror, and say three things you feel good about yourself.

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Write down an apology. If there’s a lot you need to say to the person, you can write down your apology before apologizing. When you write it down, you will easily grasp what needs to be said. You can also keep a note with you when apologizing for real to remind you.

By taking the time to write down your apology, you’ll prove to others that you’ve put a lot of thought into your mistake. Your apology will be more sincerely understood.
Direct apology would be better. But if you can’t meet the person in person or by phone, you can still email or mail them. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Please Forgive

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Apologize to the person you have wronged. The first thing you need to do when asking for forgiveness from someone is to show remorse for your actions. In other words, you need to make it clear that you feel sorry for what you did. This can be easily done if you start by saying, “I’m sorry” or “I’m sorry”. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Reinforce your word of repentance by saying exactly what you feel sorry for. For example, “I’m sorry I argued at your party”. Or, “I’m sorry I got mad and angry at you yesterday.”

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Explain why you did it, but don’t make excuses. It is important to state your motives, but you must be very careful not to use motives to justify yourself. Simply tell the person what made you behave or say such things. Keep this section short and make it clear that you’re not trying to use it as an excuse for your actions. ^{[6] X Research Source}

For example, “I had an argument because I felt left out and wanted attention, but that was not an excuse for my actions.” Or, “I’m behaving like this because I didn’t sleep last night and was thinking too much, but it’s not your fault and I was wrong to blame it on you.”

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Show empathy. In addition to making sure that the person knows you take responsibility for your actions, you should make it clear that you understand how they feel about being treated like that. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, “Having an argument at an uncle’s party that I know embarrassed him with his new co-workers.” Or, “By treating me like that, you made me feel unappreciated.”

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Try to fix the error. Once you’ve acknowledged what you did, why you did it, and why it went wrong, you need to correct the mistake. In other words, you need to tell the person what you will do in the future to prevent a similar situation. This can be done by making plans for the future or saying you will behave differently in the future. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

For example, “In the future, I will tell others about my feelings instead of taking action.” Or, “Next time, if I’m having a bad day, I’ll take some time for myself and try not to take my anger out on you.”

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Show them you’ve changed. It’s important to justify the time and effort in apologizing and to try to avoid similar situations in the future. If you took the time to correct a mistake you made, tell the person how you fixed it. It shows your willingness to admit you’re wrong, as well as your sincerity to atone.

For example: “I’ve changed since that incident. I’m trying to find positive ways to release my anger. I’m going to the gym and taking a kick-boxing class. I also just talked to my therapist. about how to deal with your anger.”

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Ask for forgiveness. When you have apologized, you can ask the person to forgive you. This can be the hardest part of apologizing because there’s always the possibility that the person won’t forgive you. In fact, you should demonstrate your understanding by giving the person a choice. Always remember that you can apologize again if the person is not ready to forgive and try not to get discouraged. ^{[9] X Research Source}

For example: “I care a lot about you and I appreciate our friendship. Will you forgive me?”

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Try to come to a smooth agreement. Make up for your mistakes by doing nice things for the person you made the mistake of. Meet them with a bouquet of flowers or a handwritten card. Show them that your actions will not only alleviate their guilt, but also help them feel better. Don’t rely on flowers or gifts as a sincere apology. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Dealing with Frustration

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Expect little, but hope for the best. If you hope to be forgiven but you don’t, it is understandable that you will be very disappointed. If you expect less and be forgiven, you will be much happier. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best. ^{[11] X Research Source}

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Please sympathize. If the person doesn’t forgive you, sympathize. Say things like “Okay, I don’t know if I can forgive myself either. I just hope time will bring us closer again. I really appreciate your friendship.”

Don’t be angry with the person for not forgiving you. Forgiveness is a privilege, not a right. Remember that you may be forgiven if you are then likable and empathetic. ^{[12] X Research Source}

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Please be patient. Small mistakes can be forgiven easily, but some wounds take time to heal. Don’t expect to be forgiven easily if what you’ve done has hurt too much. Even if your request for forgiveness is denied, keep apologizing. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Apologizing in person is always the best way, but if that’s not possible, reach out to them by another means of communication. Text, email, but don’t give up.

Advice

Remember, actions speak louder than words. Realize your apology in action as soon as possible.
Practicing apologizing is a good idea. Saying sorry doesn’t come naturally to many of us and so it takes practice.
If the person is very angry and you think you will not be able to handle the situation, wait for a better time.
Think about the person’s feelings and how you would feel in that person’s place. Think about this before apologizing. When you know how they feel, it’s easier to understand why you need to apologize.
Write down your apology so that when you apologize you won’t forget what you meant. Writing down your apology will also give you organization and control.

Warning

Don’t make excuses for your actions. This just gives the impression that you don’t really regret your actions.
Don’t blame others when apologizing. It may cause them to reject parts of their apology if you say something that hurts their ego. Remember that you can talk about these other issues at another time if you intend to continue the relationship.
Do not exaggerate feelings of regret. It can give the impression that you are lying. Be honest and sincere, but don’t be so tragic.

Steps

Before Sorry

Please Forgive

Dealing with Frustration

Advice

Warning

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