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This article was co-written by Donna Novak, Psy.D. Donna Novak is a licensed clinical psychologist in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in the treatment of anxiety, emotional and sexual problems. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Alliant-Los Angeles International University. Novak uses a differentiated model of treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation and self-confidence.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 11,818 times.
You will be surprised to know that 40% of the US population admits that they are lonely. [1] X Research Source Loneliness can affect our mental, emotional, and physical health by suppressing the immune system, increasing the risk of depression and anxiety, and distorting cognition . [2] X Research Source You may feel lonely living in a small town and not being able to find friends your age. Sometimes loneliness is the result of life changes: moving to a new city, applying for a new job, or transferring to a new school. In the midst of big changes, you will feel lonely. Whether you feel lonely for a short time or for a long time, there are many ways to help you live better and overcome loneliness.
Steps
Coping with Loneliness
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Accepting loneliness is not a fact, it is just a feeling. Loneliness can create feelings of abandonment, despair, or isolation. Realize those feelings are triggered and remember that what we feel is not necessarily the reality. You don’t have to feel lonely. [3] X Research Sources
- Feelings can change quickly based on situations and attitudes. You may feel lonely for a moment, then realize you’d rather be alone than with your friends, or you get a call from a friend and stop being lonely.
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Acknowledge the feeling. You shouldn’t ignore how you feel; They can be important indications of what’s going on in life. Like any other feeling, you are allowed to feel lonely. Pay attention to how you feel when loneliness strikes. Allow yourself to feel the physical and emotional connection, and let yourself cry. [4] X Research Sources
- Don’t instinctively run away from loneliness. Many people choose to distract themselves from loneliness by turning on the TV, working, working on a project or other activities to avoid the painful feeling of loneliness. Instead, you should become aware of how you’re feeling (and how to cope) and decide to accept your own body and emotions. [5] X Research Sources
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Change attitude. When the thought “I’m lonely” or “I feel lonely” pops into your head, it’s more likely to be accompanied by other negative things. We can easily get caught up in negative thinking from the following factors: questioning our own worth, feeling worthless, or mentally and physically exhausted. Before you get lost in this rabbit hole, you should consider changing your attitude. Instead of naming the feeling “lonely,” embrace the thought of loneliness. Seize the opportunity to experience solitude as a moment of peace and recovery for yourself. [6] X Research Source When you love solitude you can control your time alone.
- Take time to learn about yourself: journal, meditate, and read your favorite books.
- Sometimes being alone a lot is unavoidable, like when you move to a new city or country. Embrace the moment of loneliness and understand that this doesn’t last forever. Cherish the moment you have new experiences.
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Practice compassion. Realize that loneliness is an experience that everyone is affected by more or less. Loneliness is part of the human experience. [7] X Research Source Imagine a friend tells you that she feels lonely. How will you respond? Try practicing compassion with yourself. Let yourself reach out to people and ask for support.
- Loneliness doesn’t embarrass you or shame you, it’s a part of everyone’s life, and you don’t need to feel bad when you’re alone. Show compassion to yourself and to the lonely people around you.
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Ask yourself what is lacking in life. Loneliness can be a tool for you to realize what is lacking in life. [8] X Research Source You may be around many people, attend many social events, but still be lonely. Loneliness is not necessarily a lack of social contact but a lack of intimate connection. [9] X Source of Research Take some time to rethink what you want in life.
- Record times when you feel lonely. You’re probably the loneliest when you’re at a large social event or when you’re alone at home. Then, consider what you can do to ease the loneliness, maybe you should invite friends to the event, or invite your sister to watch TV together when you’re home alone. Look for real solutions (don’t offer solutions like you have to have a lover to deal with loneliness).
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Overcome shyness and insecurities. Remember that no one is born with good communication skills and that is a skill , not a superpower. Shyness/insecurity comes about because you lose confidence or are afraid to show off in public. Thinking you’re unpopular or weird doesn’t affect reality, it’s just your opinion. When you feel socially insecure, focus your attention on your external environment instead of your own thoughts and feelings. Focus on the person you’re talking to, and pay attention to listen and understand people instead of yourself. [10] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Realize that everyone can make mistakes when communicating!
- People pay less attention to your mistakes than you think, most people are too focused on themselves and battling social anxiety to notice your insecurities!
- For more information, read How to Stop Being Shy.
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Conquer the fear of rejection. Sometimes, you feel safer avoiding social situations than experiencing rejection. This fear is caused by a loss of faith in people. [11] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source Perhaps you’ve been betrayed and now you’re afraid to trust someone or make friends. Although this is a traumatic experience, remember that not all friendships betray you. Try your best!
- Not every rejection reflects that they don’t like you. Many people don’t pay attention or don’t realize you’re approaching them.
- Remember that you don’t like everyone you meet, and not everyone likes you, that’s normal.
Approaching Loneliness in the Past
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Build communication skills. Perhaps you feel lonely because you are not confident with your communication skills. Practice communication skills such as smiling at people, giving compliments, or talking to people you meet every day (grocery clerk, bartender, co-worker). [12] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- If you find yourself in a new situation, approach someone and start a conversation. Say, “I’ve never been here before, how about you? How is it?” That person can help you or you’ll feel comfortable doing something new together.
- Remember to communicate openly with body language. The stooped posture, looking down, avoiding eye contact, or crossing your body makes you look difficult to approach. Smile, stay open-minded (don’t cross your legs or arms), straighten your back, and face the person you’re talking to. [13] X Research Source
- Find points to gain trust in others. Don’t just compliment the look (“I love your sweater”), say, “You always invest time in matching accessories.” If you know the person well, compliment them for being kind and smart.
- Learn more ways to improve communication skills from online references.
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Become a good listener. Interacting with others is more than simply speaking appropriately. Practice listening skills by paying full attention to the person who is speaking. Don’t try or orchestrate the perfect response or wait to respond, as you will only focus on yourself, not the speaker. Instead, encourage the other person to share and show interest in hearing their story. [14] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Combine nonverbal communication with listening skills by nodding, making eye contact, and giving small responses like “I get it” or “Oh yeah.” [15] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
- Check out some tips for building listening skills in How to Be a Good Listener.
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Meet people in the community. Find someone with similar interests or who can get along. Ask questions to learn about the person (ask about their family, pets, hobbies, etc.), making sure the other person wants to learn about you too. [16] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
- Meet people by volunteering. If you love animals, volunteer at a sanctuary or animal shelter. You just meet animal lovers and there’s something instantly connected with you.
- Find a group of people with similar interests in your area. If you love knitting, there are probably many people with similar interests around you. Try finding a small group online and join them.
- Want to learn more methods of getting to know people? Read the article How to make friends.
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Choose good friends. It is important to have strong friendships where you live. Friendship improves your mood, reduces stress, and supports you for a lifetime. [17] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source Find someone you trust, who is loyal and encouraging to you. Make sure that you also have the above qualities, be trustworthy, loyal and encourage your friends in life.
- Be yourself. If you can’t be “yourself” when you’re with your friends, they probably aren’t real friends. Your friends will appreciate you. If you’re having trouble connecting with them or feel like you’re trying too hard, find a new friend.
- Practice to be the friend you want to be. Think about the quality you want in a friend, and do the same with everyone in your life.
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Adopt a pet. Receiving a dog or cat (or other animal) from the shelter will bring great benefits to your health, especially companionship. Pet owners are less likely to suffer from depression and are better able to cope with stress, and they are also less likely to worry. [18] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Visit your local animal shelter and help train abandoned cats and dogs. If possible, you should adopt a dog.
- Of course, adopting a dog is a big responsibility. Make sure you can adjust your work schedule to give your pet a loving and fulfilling life.
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Receive treatment. Sometimes the pain of loneliness can be hurtful and hard to overcome on your own. A therapist can help you work through social anxiety, learn about past feelings of betrayal and distrust, improve your communication skills, and help you move on with your life. Finding a therapist can be the first step in empowering your commitment to the life you want. [19] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- You can consult articles online on how to choose a therapist.
Advice
- Check out activities at your local library or community center. They have a variety of activities, talks, and events that you can attend.
- Pay attention to someone who has had an experience of death or loss. Write them notes. Then invite them to a meal and offer to listen to their stories. Honestly listen — don’t talk about yourself.
- Greet people and give them a friendly smile or say nice things to: tollgate clerks, grocery store clerks, parking attendants. If time permits, you can ask them a few questions or chat with them.
Warning
- Avoid spending too much time online. Even though you feel you are connecting with real people, it is just an alienating experience because these people are not with you and you cannot communicate with them in the usual way that is required in a relationship. successful relationship between people. You can make friends online but don’t let this affect your real life.
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This article was co-written by Donna Novak, Psy.D. Donna Novak is a licensed clinical psychologist in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in the treatment of anxiety, emotional and sexual problems. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Alliant-Los Angeles International University. Novak uses a differentiated model of treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation and self-confidence.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 11,818 times.
You will be surprised to know that 40% of the US population admits that they are lonely. [1] X Research Source Loneliness can affect our mental, emotional, and physical health by suppressing the immune system, increasing the risk of depression and anxiety, and distorting cognition . [2] X Research Source You may feel lonely living in a small town and not being able to find friends your age. Sometimes loneliness is the result of life changes: moving to a new city, applying for a new job, or transferring to a new school. In the midst of big changes, you will feel lonely. Whether you feel lonely for a short time or for a long time, there are many ways to help you live better and overcome loneliness.
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