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This article was co-written by Catherine Boswell, PhD. Catherine Boswell is a psychologist and co-founder of Psynergy Psychpogical Associates, a private therapy facility in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups of patients, couples and families with trauma, relationship problems, and trauma. in life. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell teaches master’s degree students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 30,735 times.
“Nobody is perfect”. “Everybody makes mistakes.” We all know this self-evident truth, but guilt, regret, and shame over our mistakes cling to us and even hurt us. Forgiving yourself is often the hardest kind of forgiveness. Whether your mistakes are normal or serious, you should accept and let go of your mistakes if you want to make yourself (and those around you) happy. Always remember: you will make mistakes; but you can ignore mistakes; and learn from that mistake.
Steps
Admit mistakes
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Honestly admit your mistakes. You will never be able to let go of a mistake if you don’t let yourself face it. You need to clearly point out the mistake, the cause of the mistake, and your responsibility. [1] X Research Source
- This is not the time to make excuses. Perhaps you were distracted or overworked, but this cannot help change the actual consequences that have occurred. Don’t try to put some of the blame on someone else, even if you can. You should just consider your own role in the mistake, and accept it as your fault. [2] X Research Source
- Sometimes we see our own sins as a barrier that prevents us from accepting the outcome. While we have punished ourselves with guilt, others may not think we should be punished. If you want to make progress, you have to accept that the consequences have happened, and punishing yourself will not erase the consequences. [3] X Research Sources
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Share your feelings and findings. You may think it’s embarrassing enough to admit your mistake to yourself, let alone let others know about it. It can be difficult at first, but sharing your mistake and how you feel is often an important step in letting go of the mistake and letting yourself get better. [4] X Research Sources[5] X Research Sources
- The time to share with the person you made the mistake will also come, but first you should confide in a friend, therapist, spiritual guide, or someone you trust.
- Admitting mistakes, especially telling others, can seem silly, but it can be really important for the process of admitting mistakes.
- Sharing your own mistakes also reminds you that we all make mistakes, no one is perfect. We all know this self-evident truth, but it’s easy to forget it in the face of mistakes.
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Offset. Once you’ve admitted the mistake to yourself and to the person hurt by it, the next step is to try to fix it. As you do that, you may realize the mistake isn’t too big of a problem to start working on. And, if it’s a big deal, compensating will help you get to the root of the problem and let go of the mistake.
- In general, the sooner you compensate, the better. For example, if you make a mistake that costs the company a customer and/or money, it’s best to report it to your manager quickly – but give yourself time to think about how to correct the mistake. . Don’t let the mistake go unresolved, this will only increase your guilt and increase your pain or anger over the mistake you made. [6] X Research Sources
- There will be times when your mistake doesn’t hurt any particular person or it affects someone who is no longer with you, so you can’t apologize or make up for it anymore. For example, you might consider yourself too busy to visit your grandmother, and now she’s gone forever. In this case, consider “reciprocating” by helping someone else with a similar situation, or just generally showing good deeds. For example, you could volunteer at an aged care center, or spend time with elderly relatives. [7] X Research Sources
Learn from mistakes
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Analyze mistakes to draw lessons. Digging into the details of mistakes may be unnecessary punishment, but scrutinizing mistakes is the best way to turn mistakes into lessons learned. Most mistakes can become worthwhile if you know how to learn from them and improve yourself. [8] X Research Sources
- Find out the root cause of mistakes, like jealousy (in saying something rude) or impatience (and then getting a ticket for speeding). Categorize mistakes by types such as jealousy or impatience so that the right solution can be easily identified. [9] X Research Source[10] X Research Source
- Remember: choosing to learn from mistakes is the way to self-development; Living in guilt and self-contempt will slow you down. [11] X Research Source
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Make an action plan. Pointing out the cause of the mistake is of course the first step in the learning process. This is not simply saying “I won’t make the same mistake again” when I am not determined to change to prevent myself from repeating the same mistake.
- You can’t magically learn from just analyzing all the details of your mistake and acknowledging your responsibility, even though this is an important step. Think of a specific action you could have taken differently in that situation, and set out some specific things you would do differently the next time you faced a similar situation. [12] X Research Source
- Take the time to write down your “action plan” for next time. This can really help you visualize and be prepared to avoid making the same mistake.
- For example, let’s say you forgot to pick up a friend at the airport because you were overwhelmed by too many tasks at once to keep track of them all. Once you’ve pointed out the problem (and apologized to that friend!), create an action plan to organize and prioritize tasks when things get overwhelming. And you should also think of some ways to say “no” when there’s so much to do.
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Find a habit that makes you repeat mistakes. Many of our usual habits, from overeating to shouting at our spouse for no reason at all, can be considered bad habits. To avoid repeating the same mistake, you need to identify and find the habit that causes the repetition. [13] X Research Source
- It may be tempting to identify and correct all of your bad habits at once to create a “new person,” but it’s best to take it slow and focus on changing one habit at a time. So, what is the success rate when you have to both give up smoking and spend time with your mother at the same time? Instead, try focusing on kicking one bad habit, then consider whether you’re ready to tackle another bad habit.
- The simpler the change, the better. The more complex your plan to get rid of the bad habit, the more likely you are to fail. If you want to wake up early because you are frequently late for work and important meetings, go to bed early and/or set your bedtime ten minutes early.
- Find a way to fill the void after the old habit is eliminated. Spend that time on something positive like exercising, spending more time with your kids, or volunteering.
Let go of mistakes
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People who have trouble getting over their mistakes often suffer from the pressure of other people’s unrealistic expectations of them. It’s commendable to hold yourself to a high standard of conduct, but demanding perfection of yourself will only hurt you and those around you. [14] X Research Source
- Ask yourself, “Is this mistake really as bad as I am claiming?” If you honestly consider it, “no” won’t be a common answer. When the answer is “yes,” all you can do is assure yourself that you will learn from that mistake. [15] X Research Source
- Show empathy for yourself, as you would with others. Consider whether you treat your best friend harshly when he or she makes the same mistake. In most cases, you showed sympathy and help. So in this case, remember that you are your own best friend, and should act sympathetically. [16] X Research Source
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Forgive yourself. Forgiving someone else’s mistakes can be difficult at times, but it’s often easier than forgiving yourself, even for minor mistakes. As the old saying goes, “Before you forgive others, forgive yourself”, so you need to start with yourself.
- This may seem like a silly act, but it’s really helpful to say sorry to yourself – indeed, like the saying, “I forgive myself for spending my rent to get out of town.” spend a night out on the town.” Some people find it effective to write down their mistakes and forgiveness on a piece of paper, then crumple it up and throw it away. [17] X Research Source
- Forgive yourself as a reminder to yourself that you were not a mistake. You are not a mistake, omission, or sin. Instead, you should think that you are not perfect, make mistakes like everyone else, and need to grow from mistakes. [18] X Research Sources
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Take care of yourself and those around you. If you’re struggling to let go of a mistake, remind yourself that feeling nauseous isn’t good for your health, nor will it bring happiness to your loved one. You should accept mistakes for yourself and your loved ones and try to figure out how to let go of your mistakes. [19] X Research Source
- When you experience guilt, certain chemical compounds are released in your body, increasing your heart rate, blood pressure, and cholesterol levels, and disrupting digestion, muscle relaxation, and your ability to relax. analytical thinking. Therefore, heavy guilt is not good for health.
- The saying “buffaloes are forced to hate buffaloes eat” has its true meaning, as people who don’t allow themselves to get rid of their guilt often drag the people around them down. You may not want to talk and constantly criticize others because of guilt, and your spouse, children, friends, and even pets will be partly responsible for this guilt.
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Continue to progress. Once you have accepted the mistake, you do your best to make up for that mistake and forgive yourself, you need to let go and not worry about that mistake anymore. You should only see that mistake as a lesson to help you improve.
- When you find your mind starts to think about the past mistake and the guilt returns, remind yourself that you have forgiven the mistake. If necessary, you can say it out loud to remind yourself that it’s over. [20] X Research Source
- Some people will seek the help of Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique (PERT). To do this, close your eyes and take a deep, long, and purposeful breath. On the third breath, begin to imagine someone you love or images of natural beauty and peace. As you breathe evenly, explore this “happy place” and carry the guilt. Find a way to let go of mistakes and find serenity in this space, then open your eyes and leave guilt behind. [21] X Research Source
- Moving away from guilt and making progress will help you live a life without regrets. Remember, it’s better to learn from your mistakes than to regret and not try to let go. The rule that holds true for children when learning to walk or ride a bike is the same as for adults in handling mistakes: falling is practice, and getting up to try again is the way to progress. [22] X Research Source
Advice
- The truth is that when you make a mistake, you learn from it.
- Accepting responsibility is the way to let go. Yes, it’s hard to admit you’re wrong. But this shows great strength, courage, and self-affirmation. In other words, it’s self-respect. This also shows that you care about yourself.
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This article was co-written by Catherine Boswell, PhD. Catherine Boswell is a psychologist and co-founder of Psynergy Psychpogical Associates, a private therapy facility in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups of patients, couples and families with trauma, relationship problems, and trauma. in life. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell teaches master’s degree students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 30,735 times.
“Nobody is perfect”. “Everybody makes mistakes.” We all know this self-evident truth, but guilt, regret, and shame over our mistakes cling to us and even hurt us. Forgiving yourself is often the hardest kind of forgiveness. Whether your mistakes are normal or serious, you should accept and let go of your mistakes if you want to make yourself (and those around you) happy. Always remember: you will make mistakes; but you can ignore mistakes; and learn from that mistake.
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