Being a fifth grader is, and always has been, complicated

At age 64, I have a hard time recalling passwords. But when I hear a specific song, I vividly remember every detail about being in the fifth grade.

A fifth grader, usually 10 or 11, is neither a big nor little kid, the actual terms children use in elementary school to describe a hierarchy. These young people, all still called boys and girls, stand at the threshold of change. By the time the school year ends they will leave a bit of their childhood behind.

I turned reflective about fifth grade earlier this year when I happened to hear the song “She’s Just My Style,” a Gary Lewis & the Playboys tune released in 1965 when I was in the fifth grade. I received an album featuring that song in on my 10th birthday. I played it hundreds of times during the school year because, strange as it sounds, it spoke to me the way just the way a Sinatra ballad speaks to an adult.

For the first time in my young life, a song expressed something I sensed, but couldn’t articulate. In class I sat next to a girl. She was my first crush and my first heartbreak. She liked me but did not “like” me. Those, too, are words that reveal what it means to be a fifth grader.

When I heard the song months ago, I thought about the girl and found myself back in my fifth-grade classroom.

I remembered the bookcases, coat closet and view from the window. I thought of my teacher, the first person who showed me the power of words when he stood in front of the class and cried while reading a poem. I heard the bell that sounded for recess and lunch, and how there was no better day than when wiener wraps were served.

It is in the fifth grade that children start to turn inward, discovering that not all questions are easily answered. They discover a passion, and grapple with doubt.

And parents?

A fifth grader begins to ignore these people who so easily embarrass them.

How was school?

Fine.

What did you do?

Nothing.

Curious, I decided to revisit what it means to be a fifth grader in 2019. I could have called educators or professionals. But the best way, the most honest way, would be to talk with fifth graders. I asked a fifth-grade teacher to ask if his students would send me their thoughts on what it means to be a fifth grader.

The hand-written notes arrived from River Grove Elementary in Lake Oswego:

The worst thing about fifth grade is you have a lot of homework. If you have to go to the store with your mom, its’s hard to finish it. My mom needs to understand that.

I come up to my mom or dad and ask them for help. This mostly happens with my mom. She always tells me to go ask my dad. And sometimes my parents just teach me a whole different thing.

The worst thing about being in fifth grade is that this kindergartner on my bus always tries to get me to spell words for him like cat.

Fifth grade is a very dramatic place. Lots of drama and stuff.

The best thing about fifth grade is right before lunch we get a thirty-minute recess.

Parents don’t understand that my friends and I need privacy.

The young kids are scared of us.

People’s personalities can change.

My sister’s friends look up to me. One time my sister’s friend followed me around and acted funny.

What people don’t know is that if you get in the drama circle there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that stays a secret.

I knew I had to meet fifth graders.

I visited two fifth grade classrooms – River Grove Elementary and the Cesar Chavez School in North Portland – to sit down with students who offered to tell me, on camera, what it means to be a fifth grader.

While initially shy, they soon had fun. They were shocked there were no cellphones or computers when I was in the fifth grade. Back then, social media meant discreetly slipping a note to someone in class. They tried teaching me two popular dances – the Floss and Orange Justice.

It did not go well.

I learned about gossip and drama – often involving rumors of people having crushes on someone. While they hate drama, they admit they partake in it. These kids worry about the future – getting a job, finding a place to live and, maybe, even raising a child.

Some things, I realized, never change: Hardly anybody likes math classes and health class, a fifth-grade class where students learn about their bodies and makes them both laugh and cringe.

“Fifth grade,” a boy told me with a sigh, “is a complicated year in life.”

What I will treasure are the conversations with these boys and girls. If you have a fifth grader in your life, talk with them. Not about grades and tests. Discover who they are. What do they think about? What do they feel?

Watch a video we made with them, and you will discover, as I did, that these boys and girls are funny and tender, wise and empathetic.

The kids in the video have graduated to the sixth grade.

Time, as always, moves on.

The future belongs to them.

And trust me, it’s in good hands.

–Tom Hallman Jr.

[email protected]; 503-221-8224

@thallmanjr