PGA Tour’s Matt Kuchar is the new face of cheapness

PGA Tour’s Matt Kuchar is the new face of cheapness

Cheapness has a new face. It also has a new sound: Kooooch!

PGA Tour golfer Matt Kuchar doubled down on his cheapskateyness this week when he tried to justify paying David “El Tucan” Ortiz, a fill-in local club caddie, $5,000 for helping him win $1.3 million in November at the Mayakoba Golf Classic in Mexico.

Let’s do the math, shall we? If you divide $5,000 by $1.3 million, it works out to … Matt Kuchar is a jerk who paid his caddie less than four-tenths of 1 percent.

The math doesn’t look much better after Kuchar caved Friday and agreed to pay Ortiz the full $50,000 he had recently requested.

Regular PGA Tour caddies earn between 5 and 10 percent of their player’s winnings each week, with the rate rising according to the order of finish. That means under normal circumstances, Kuchar’s caddie could have earned $130,000.

[ Caddie tips: How much to pay your bag man at the golf course ]

Imagine that. Kuchar’s initial payment was like going to a restaurant and having great service and a wonderful meal for $100, then tipping the waiter 38 cents. Oh, and the waiter carried around your dirty dishes for a whole week.

Kuchar said he and Ortiz initially agreed on a graduated paycheck before the tournament. At the Genesis Open near Los Angeles on Wednesday night, Kuchar told Golf.com he was disappointed Ortiz felt he was underpaid after the fact.

“I kind of think someone got in his ear,” Kuchar said. “I was very clear and very upfront on Tuesday (of the tournament week). And he said, ‘OK.’ He had the ability, with bonuses, to make up to $4,000. …

“The extra $1,000 was, ‘Thank you — it was a great week.’ Those were the terms. He was in agreement with those terms. That’s where I struggle. I don’t know what happened. Someone must have said, ‘You need much more.’ ”

Someone did, Kuch. Pretty much the entire golf world. Lake Orion’s own Tom Gillis, a former PGA Tour pro now on the Champions Tour, was among the first to chime in last month with a tweet criticizing Kuchar.

On Thursday, Gillis tweeted about Kuchar’s comments: “What would Jack or Arnie done in this situation??? Seized the opportunity to change a mans life.”

[ 5 pro golfers who paid their caddies more generously than Matt Kuchar ]

There was a GoFundMe page trying to raise $45,000 for Ortiz. Gillis had kicked in $100.

Kuchar’s behavior and explanations are ridiculous and embarrassing. But they’re borderline profane when you consider he’s 10th on the PGA Tour’s career earnings list with $46,627,590. And he just earned $1.152 million last month for winning the Sony Open.

Kuchar also has lucrative sponsor deals with Bridgestone, Workday and Skechers. Hmm, I wonder what some unhappy emails to those companies might do to Kuchar’s deal.

Kuchar did well to make this right by agreeing Friday to pay the full amount, but he’d do even better if he presented the check to Ortiz at next week’s World Golf Championship in Mexico City.

Even if he does, he might get plenty of heat from angry fans who will be chanting something that sounds a lot like Kooooch but isn’t. Kind of the way $5,000 might seem fair to some people but isn’t.

Kuchar’s rating: 0.0038/10. Kuchar’s spirit animal: Scrooge.

[ Matt Kuchar defends low pay to caddie ]

Tip calculator

So how much should you tip a caddie if you’re playing a weekend round at Bushwood Country Club? Glad you asked.

If the club doesn’t post the gratuity, Golf.com suggests paying “what you feel is deserved,” which is anything from a flat $20 to 20 to 50 percent of the caddie fee.

Here’s what I do. If the round costs less than $100, I tip $20. Over $100, I tip $40. If I’m a guest and don’t pay for the round, I usually double that. If the course is wet or especially hilly and the caddie is walking, I throw in a little more.

And if I’m strapped for cash, I offer my caddie total consciousness on his deathbed.

Caddies’ rating: 18/10. Caddies’ spirit animal: Job from the Old Testament.

Contact Carlos Monarrez at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @cmonarrez.