How To Tell If You’re Being Exploited By Your Friends

Being taken advantage of by a friend can be extremely painful. When we are taken advantage of, we feel lost, vulnerable, and confused. Failure to anticipate that can lead to us becoming distrustful of those around us. ^{[1] X Research Source} Sometimes, friends act heartlessly and sometimes, they intentionally take advantage of you. There are a few ways to tell if you’re being taken advantage of, so you can decide if it’s the right time to say goodbye to your friend.

Table of Contents

Rate Friend Behavior

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Notice if your friend only gets in touch when they need something. If they just want to talk or spend time with you when they need help or advice, or if it’s always about their needs, then you’re probably being taken advantage of. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Does your “friend” ever call or text to inquire about your situation? Or do they only come to you when they need something? It could be a ride to the store, a few cigarettes, a place to spend the night, you’re the one who’s willing to put your head up when they need a quick solution.
Consider whether this is a homogenous course of action. After all, helping each other is part of friendship and sometimes, we are unlucky and need help. However, if this is going on all the time or it’s the only part of your contact, there’s a good chance you’re being taken advantage of.

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Assess whether your friend can be trusted. A true friend doesn’t betray your secrets, especially in a way that could hurt you. To see if that person is trustworthy, look back and see if they have ever disclosed your private information, especially for personal gain. If so, chances are you’re being taken advantage of. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Review their relationships with other friends. Is your friend betraying the trust of other friends or taking advantage of them? If so, that’s a sign that they’re probably taking advantage of you, too.

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Consider whether this friend is putting you out of their social circle. Do they often miss you in gatherings? A disinterested friend will remember and invite you to join, especially with a group of mutual friends. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Remember that friends don’t have to invite each other to every social activity they attend. However, if they never invite you to any events, or only contact you when they need something, you may be being taken advantage of.
If your friend mentions a plan to other friends you know too but hasn’t asked you to join, try asking if you could join. Pay attention to the person’s reaction. If there’s no real logistical reason for your not being able to attend or your friend still hasn’t invited you or made up a silly excuse for your not being able to attend, you’re likely being taken advantage of and that’s not the case. must be a true friend.
An example of a legitimate logistical concern might be that they plan to go camping but don’t have enough space in the car to invite you along.

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Observe your friend’s actions. Actions speak louder than words. If they always say they’ll repay you but never do, you’re probably being taken advantage of. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Here’s an example where a friend might be taking advantage of you: You invite this friend to dinner a few times because they’re upset. They promise to invite them back but never do and keep complaining about the problem you are helping them with. If this keeps happening, you are probably being taken advantage of.
Ask yourself if the friend is grateful. Do they really appreciate your help? If so, the person is probably not taking advantage of you, but just really needs some well-meaning help. If they seem to take it for granted, it could be a sign of exploitation.

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Beware of guilt. If they often try to manipulate you by inciting you to feel guilty about things you don’t want to do, you are likely being taken advantage of. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Ask yourself if you would help your friend if she or he wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty or bad about the situation. If the answer is yes, then you are probably not being taken advantage of, but simply willing to help. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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See if you are being manipulated. If your friend is constantly trying to dictate and direct you to do something, especially when it benefits them or their friends, she or he may be taking advantage of you. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

To assess whether the person is controlling you, consider the following: People who manipulate others are often prone to anger and use it to achieve their ends. They may also use other emotions like guilt or sadness to get you to do what they want. Watch out for signs of emotional control because it’s a clear sign that someone is being controlled. ^{[9] X Research Source}
Maybe your friend will try to isolate you and, as a result, you lack outside support, making it easier to surrender and follow orders. She or he may try to do this by criticizing your family and other friends, causing you to spend less time with them. ^{[10] X Research Source}

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Trust your intuition. If it feels like your friend is being dishonest, especially when it’s repeated over and over, you’re probably right. To be sure, face them face to face. Ask them if they really mean what they say. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Evaluate your friend’s personality. Be completely honest with yourself and answer the question of whether it’s intrinsically a nice and caring person or if she or he just seems motivated by self-interested goals.
Key personality traits can include levels of honesty, consistency, sincerity, and trustworthiness. Take a look at everything you know about the person, the relationship between that person and both you and others. Note not only how to behave in relation to the personality traits mentioned above but also the type of conversation through which she or he expresses these traits. ^{[12] X Research Source}
For example, if your friend talks about how she or he talks in front of others one way and then another, there’s a good chance they’ll do the same to you and perhaps you’re being taken advantage of.

Ask a Friend Directly

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Mentally prepare. If that person is important to you, you should be sure about her or his use before you decide to end a relationship. You can do that by confronting your friend calmly and rationally. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Remember that if a friend is really a good friend, they will not take advantage of them, but simply ignore them and are ready to change. Either way, when being taken advantage of and becoming depressed, saying goodbye to the person after this frank exchange will probably be the best outcome for you. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Find a quiet location. When confronting a friend, find a quiet place to do it. As a result, they are not agitated. Make sure you’re both in a place where you can both express your thoughts freely without feeling too embarrassed. Stay away from places like crowded restaurants with tables and chairs placed close together.

Try chatting while walking in a lovely park.

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Be alone with that friend. Don’t drag other friends in, even if they share the same complaint. Involving other people can make the conversation intimidating, overwhelming, and can make the other person fearful or extremely uncomfortable.

When someone criticizes you for something, you may be more willing to take that advice and change it. But if several people criticize at the same time, you may feel threatened and become hostile. In the end, it means those people have sat down and talked badly about you, leaving you frustrated and discouraged. ^{[15] X Research Source}

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Communicate calmly and firmly. Explain the reason for your doubt and listen to her or his response. Give them specifics so they can’t simply shake the matter off, calling you a slanderer or liar. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Don’t give too trivial examples, though. Your friend may turn the tide and call you petty.
Make sure you’re talking about their actions, not their personalities. By focusing on specific tasks, that friend will feel less frustrated. If you call them an exploiter, they can become annoyed and the conversation will quickly fall apart.
For example, you could say something similar: “I gave you a lift when your car had to be repaired last month. However, this week, when my car broke down, you ignored the request for a ride. to my workplace. I realized that bridge was intentionally ignoring it when I asked for help.”

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Looking for an apology. If the friend apologizes and is willing to change his or her behavior, he or she is probably not taking advantage but is just heartless and that indifference manifests itself in selfish actions. Sometimes, we are so busy with the world and our own lives that we don’t even realize that our actions are becoming selfish. ^{[17] X Research Source}

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Consider ending the relationship when you realize it’s purely self-interested and has nothing to do with true friendship. Explain why you can’t be friends with the person anymore and stop talking to her or him. Don’t let your former friend convince you that they will change, especially when you’ve given them countless opportunities before. They will only continue to take advantage if you allow it.

Advice

Look your opponent straight in the eye when confronting.
Don’t joke around when confronting. You need your partner to know that you’re serious.
Look for classic signs of manipulation, like blaming or invoking guilt.
Before accusing someone, make sure the problem really exists and that you’re not overdoing it.
Realize if the person sees you as a dump and should only listen to their problems. You might notice it when you’ve been listening and giving a bunch of feedback, but when it’s your turn to confide, they change the subject or seem disinterested. They may even say outright that they don’t care or value how you feel. It is a sign of a lack of empathy and this can turn into emotional abuse in the long run.
Some people have selective hearing loss. Not only will they ignore your problems, but they will also ignore everything they don’t care about. The conversation topic has to be about them or something that interests them in order to get them to react. Sometimes they attack every word and interrupt you.
Review their contacts. When you move, they don’t call. Or maybe not very often. It shows they see you as a mere entertainment source because they don’t check to know what you’re doing.
If every time they want to communicate clearly, they push everything towards you, that is a sign of betrayal. Be careful when your friend becomes defensive and play the role of a victim every time you are preoccupied, standing up for yourself.
When in doubt, consult someone! You can talk to a close friend, family member or friend of someone you think is taking advantage of you. This will help you see if you’re overreacting or underreacting.

Warning

Don’t let them upset you when the reason for disagreeing with your confrontation is because in their mind, they always think themselves above you. They live off of it and won’t care or laugh at you.
If you’re not sure about being taken advantage of, don’t rush. Do not ask her or him right away, but consult others first because your suspicions may not be correct. False accusations can damage your friendship.
Recognize when most of their “jokes” are meant to be mocking. Some fake friends may not only take advantage of what you have, but also crush your self-esteem to put them higher. If they use hurtful language and say it’s just a joke to get away with it, you’ll need to have a frank conversation with them.
Check to see if they disrespect you. If they’re always talking bad about the people you care about, attacking, taking advantage of you, acting too immature, or constantly repeating themselves after apologizing, it’s time to say goodbye to them.
Don’t drag another friend into the game or the accusation can take on an offensive tone. Make sure it’s a one-on-one conversation and that you’re in a comfortable situation.
Beware of so-called friends who always “forget” what they said or did, which plays an important role in solving problems between you. This selective memory serves their purpose but clearly does nothing for you. Don’t let such people control you.

Steps

Rate Friend Behavior

Ask a Friend Directly

Advice

Warning

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