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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
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Going through tough times is a part of life. Sometimes life is like a challenging maze where you have to make difficult choices that can leave you feeling distracted, overwhelmed and hopeless. Let’s start solving this problem by finding solutions to relieve emotional stress immediately. Learn how to handle your emotions to reduce your inner conflict and tension. Accept that tough times happen to everyone. The solutions below will help you feel stronger, more capable, and ready to face future challenges.
Steps
Stay Calm for a Moment
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Do breathing exercises. The first step to staying calm during difficult times is to relax your mind and body so that you can think clearly, rationally, and do your best to work through the challenges you face. [1] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source Breathing is always your best friend. Let the body supply oxygen to help relax muscles and bring oxygen to the brain. By focusing on your breathing, you’re giving your mind and emotions the rest they need.
- You can do deep breathing anywhere: at work, at home, in the car, in the dishwasher, in the shower, or anytime you feel anxiety creeping in. Friend.
- If possible, try to focus on belly breathing.
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Try a hot shower. Hot water helps relieve tension that builds up in muscles at times of stress. Make sure you take care of your body and keep your limbs, muscles and bones as relaxed as possible.
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Light stretch. Release tension in the body by moving. Shake your limbs and stretch slightly. Never overdo it and make sure you don’t pressure yourself into pain or discomfort. The goal is to help you calm down and relax your body, not to create additional stress.
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Experiment with patting techniques. Tapping, or Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), is a technique of tapping acupressure points to release tension or overwhelming emotions. [2] X Research Sources , [3] X Research Sources
- Identify the problem that is making you think.
- Identify points on the body to flap. Some of those points are: [4] X Research Sources
- Outer edge of hand, tender flesh.
- Middle of the head.
- Head eyebrows.
- The outer bone next to the eye.
- Philtrum.
- Tap one of the points above with two fingers. Tap about 5 times on that point. Then move on to the next point.
- Repeat self-belief. For example, when you pat, say to yourself, “Even though I feel like I’m about to cry every minute, I really believe in myself.”
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Try visualization exercises. One of the easiest ways to relax your mind is to use a simple visualization technique as you count down from 10 to 1. Like the breathing exercise, this technique can be done anywhere, and you just need to do it. Add pictures of numbers in your head. Start at 10 as you take a deep breath to stretch your belly. Exhale as you count 9. As you imagine the numbers getting smaller, visualize them moving from top to bottom in your body.
- Notice which muscles you are tense in and let your breath and focus on the number release that tension.
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Make a souvenir box to keep things that remind you that you are strong. Associate with symbols or images that remind you of things that make you feel good or safe. You can put in the box anything that inspires you to continue living and maintain serenity. Feeling strong and energized can help calm you down to face tough times. [5] X Laughlin Research Source , Charles D.; Tiberia, Vincenza A. Archetypes: Toward a Jungian Anthroppogy of Consciousness. Anthroppogy of Consciousness. Fall2012, Vp. 23 Issue 2, p127-157.
- For example, teddy bears can have nostalgic meanings about safety and comfort, or movies that inspire you. Maybe the image of a certain celebrity reminds you to be strong in the face of adversity. Looking at pictures of your children or loved ones can make you feel empowered.
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Remember to reward yourself. Reward yourself because you deserve to get through the tough times. Moderation is key, but you can reward yourself for staying calm. Go to the movies, or go for a walk in the park. Rewarding yourself for overcoming challenges will help you regulate your emotions and stay calm. [6] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- Studies show that developing the flexibility to be able to shift attention from what you find difficult to what you enjoy is important for managing negative emotions. [7] X Research Sources Derryberry & Rothbart, 1997; Longigan & Phillips, 2001; White, Helfinstein, Reeb-Sutherland, Degnan, & Fox, 2009
Release Emotions Safely
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Write an emotional journal. Emotional release is a great way to help yourself feel calm during difficult times. There may be times when you feel angry, helpless, afraid, sad, distressed, or ashamed when life pushes you into extremely difficult tasks. When emotions are repressed, they increase fear and uncontrollability. Learning to appreciate your emotions will also help you better understand how to handle them. [8] X Research Source Rietti, Sophie. Emotion-Work and the Philosophy of Emotion. Journal of Social Philosophy. Spring2009, Vp. 40 Issue 1, p55-74.
- Use a journal to write things that help you release your emotions and always remember that no matter how painful the feelings are, they are just feelings and will pass. You are an entity and the best way to release your emotions is to find them and write in your journal what works best for you.
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Safely express anger. Using an emotional diary, list all the people, things, circumstances, social pressures, financial problems, damages, etc. that make you angry. Write them down on pieces of paper and tear those pieces of paper away. Try to focus on the anger, noticing where you feel the anger in your body as well as whether there are things that make you angry appear. Intentionally imagine that you release your anger as you tear the pieces of paper. [9] X Research Source Mikpajczak, Moïra; Nelis, Delphine; Hansenne, Michel; Quoidbach, Jordi. If you can regulate sadness, you can probably regulate shame: Associations between trait emotional intelligence, emotion and coping efficiency across discrete emotions. Personality & Individual Differences. Apr2008, Vp. 44 Issue 6, p1356-1368.
- In fact, experts discourage you from expressing anger by smashing things, or doing anything violent to release anger. Such actions may increase feelings of anger rather than calm them. [10] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- In addition, exercise is also a good way to release pent-up anger. Some studies show that running or doing other aerobic exercises can help calm you down after experiencing unpleasant things. [11] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to the source It’s because exercise releases endorphins, a natural chemical that boosts mood. [12] X Research Source
- Check out more articles in this category for safe, healthy expressions of anger.
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Record sadness in a diary. Using an emotional diary, write about what makes you sad in your current situation. Have you been hurt by someone else’s actions or by something that happened? Are you sad that you missed your chance? Are you sad because the difficult time you are going through is simply sad? Write down as much as you can, remembering that every emotion counts, big or small.
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Allow yourself to cry. When sad, the best way to release emotions is to cry. If you’re more comfortable being alone, find a private spot like in your room, drive, or take a shower. Feel where the sadness lies in your body and cherish that feeling for as long as possible. Sometimes watching sad movies, or listening to sad songs can also help.
- In an emotional journal, write down how sad you feel, how your body feels, and what helps you to touch your sadness. Sadness often appears in difficult times, have the courage to recognize sadness and release them. [13] X Research Sources Mikpajczak, et al.
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Recognize fear. Fear is perhaps the biggest emotion that interferes with staying calm during difficult times. Fear is just an emotion, like any other. By acknowledging fear as it is, an emotional response that applies to other emotions, you can take steps to face your fear. Fear often pops up in your head in the form of: “I can’t do it” or “I’m afraid to change” or “I’m afraid of what will happen”. The truth about fear is that it is often associated with the future.
- In your emotional journal, write down all of your concerns regarding the difficult time you are going through. Then, jot down any possible outcomes that you can think of, positive or negative. You should also write down any changes you need to make to your life that might be frightening you. Write down the reasons why you are afraid to make those changes.
- Keep writing until you find the root of your fear. Release your emotions to the point where you can be proactive and at least know your options can help calm you down. You can’t eliminate difficult situations in your life, but you can understand the fear and that will help ease the fear. [14] X Research Source Mikpajczak, et al.
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Consider ways to handle the fear. After you’ve thoroughly explored what’s causing you to fear in your journal, you can begin to take steps to address your fear. The first step is to understand that fear is a natural human response; Everyone experiences fear to some degree. [15] X Research Source For anxiety, the only way to overcome fear is to embrace it and work it out. [16] X Research Resources Then use your journal to find ways to approach your fears and overcome them.
- For example, imagine that you are bored at work because you are never praised. However, you are afraid to say it out loud. Just the thought of having to talk to your leader frightens you.
- Find out why you are afraid. Is it because your leader often doesn’t listen to the opinions of others, and you’re afraid he won’t listen to you? Is it because you don’t feel confident talking to people in leadership positions? Are you afraid that giving your opinion about rewarding your work sounds demanding and you will lose your job? Identifying the cause of your fear will help you take the next step.
- Once you know why you’re afraid, consider situational approaches to dealing with the fear. For example, if you don’t feel confident talking to your boss, you could ask a friend to practice with you. Write down what you will say to your leader in the way you want and the way you fear the outcome will be. Then practice first with your friend. This is a safe way to solve problems and give you more confidence.
- Be patient with yourself. Dealing with fears is a lifelong learning process, and it can take time to get over the fears you’re facing.
Realize Your Inner Strength
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Sitting meditation . Meditation encourages you to embrace the present moment, accepting it without judgment. This will help you realize how strong you are. [17] X Source of Research Many studies have shown that practicing meditation provides mental and physical health benefits, from lowering heart rate and boosting the immune system to improving feelings of calmness and well-being . Meditation can also help rewire the way your brain responds to stress. [18] X Research Sources There are many ways to meditate, although the most studied is the “mindful” meditation. [19] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If you can’t find a meditation class nearby, you can find many online. The UCLA Center for Mindfulness Studies has several meditation guides available as downloadable MP3 files. [20] X Research Sources
- There are also a number of mobile apps that offer guided meditations and short meditations.
- And of course, wikiHow has many articles that can help you learn how to meditate.
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Try mindfulness techniques. Mindfulness has been scientifically proven. Studies show that using mindfulness techniques can help you become more calm and relaxed, improve relationships, increase empathy, and even lower blood pressure. [21] X Research Sources[22] X Research Sources
- In the United States, the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center has a website with a variety of mindfulness techniques you can try out in your life.
- You can do many mindfulness exercises in just a few minutes a day. For example, the next time you have a snack, enjoy it slowly. Try to focus on every aspect of that experience, using all of your senses. What do you smell, see, hear, taste and touch? Is it the same as when you eat food? Can you feel the food moving from your throat to your stomach? Focusing on the little things will help you practice mindfulness in your daily life. [23] X Research Sources
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Motivate yourself by reviewing your results. In life, you have to face many challenges big and small. In your emotions journal, write down your feelings – sad, angry, scared, embarrassed – and how you handle those emotions. Make a note of how you reacted, what you did, and how you handled the situation.
- Write down results you are proud of. Write about the last time you made someone smile. List your personality traits that you love, what makes you brave, times when you have to be patient. Add these to the list every day.
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Create a slogan about your inner strength. Get comfortable with the idea that you know your strength and be confident that whatever the outcome, you will get through it in life, even if it takes time. Write small slogans like: “I am stronger than I thought” or something similar. Hang the slogan next to the bed or bathroom mirror. [24] X Research Sources McCarley, Patricia. Patient Empowerment and Motivational Interviewing: Engaging Patients To Self-Manage Their Own Care. Nephrpogy Nursing Journal. Jul/Aug2009, Vp. 36 Issue 4, p409-413.
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Change negative thoughts into positive affirmations. It’s easy to fall into self-pity and think things like, “I deserve it” or “It’s because I’m bad.” Stay calm during difficult times by recognizing your own worth. Cultivating a healthy sense of self-worth will actually keep you strong when life gets tough.
- List all negative thoughts about yourself related to the situation and edit them into positive, factual statements. Clear statements like, “Things always fail in my life” can gnaw at feelings about self-worth. Try to reframe such statements with thoughts like, “Life is challenging. Everyone goes through difficult times. There are times in my life when things go well.” You can list successes, just to remind yourself! [25] X Research Source Davey, Maureen; Eaker, Dawn Goettler; Walters, Lynda Henley. Resilience Processes in Adpescents: Personality Profiles, Self-Worth, and Coping. By: Journal of Adpescent Research, v18 n4 p347-62 Jul 2003.
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Maintain a gratitude journal. Living with a healthy, inclusive, grounded view of what’s really important in your life can help keep you calm during times of upheaval. Understanding yourself and your place in life is a solid way to stay calm during difficult times. [26] X Taormina Research Resources , Robert J. Adult Personal Resilience: A New Theory, New Measure, and Practical Implications. Psychic Thought. 2015, Vp. 8 Issue 1, p35-46. 12p. DOI: 10.5964/psyct.v8i1.126.
- In your emotional journal, list the things you are grateful for. Write down the things you are grateful for every day, big or small. Maybe you see a patch of grass greener than usual. Write it down in your gratitude journal. Maybe today you didn’t give up and decided to face the challenge as best you could. Sometimes not giving up is the best we can do. Write: “Today, I did not give up” in bold and be proud of yourself.
- If this helps, observing the outdoors will give you a glimpse into the strange world of nature, the mystery of life, and the beauty of everything around us. Be stronger knowing that humans are capable of surviving any difficult situation, and you are one of them.
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Find the meaning of struggle. One effective way to deal with tough times is to find meaning in yourself, struggle, and adversity. Using a diary, write down what you learn from the difficulty you are going through. Write down the opportunities that made you brave, what you learned, and how you decided to grow from the experience. Write down things that keep you alive. Write down why you choose to deal with difficulties in your life.
- Why did you decide to find a way to stay calm so you can handle the problem? Is it for your child? For yourself? The ones you love? Pet? Or because you need life? Personalizing your meaning will help you stay focused and calm when you’re struggling with life’s difficulties. [27] X Research Source Das, Ajit K. Frankl and the realm of meaning. By: Journal of Humanistic Education & Development. Jun98, Vp. 36 Issue 4, p199.
Take care of yourself
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Rest a lot. It is extremely important that you take care of yourself during these difficult times in order to stay young and healthy. Even if you have trouble sleeping, make sure you take the time to at least lie down with your eyes closed and rest. Appreciate that your body and mind are overworked to get through a stressful situation and that you need time to rest and recuperate.
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Have healthy eating habits. Some people respond to stress by eating too little or too much. You should keep a diary with you at all times to record what you eat. There are also apps available on your computer or mobile device to make sure you’re getting enough calories and aren’t overdoing it with stress.
- Eat healthy foods that are good for your body and mind like fruits, vegetables, protein and healthy whole grains.
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Do exercise. Doing some exercise will help clear your mind and reduce stress. Even a 10-minute walk can help relieve stress. Dancing is also very helpful both mentally and physically. [28] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- Walk in 10 minutes. Short run. Exercise for blood circulation and to relieve stress.
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Use the support team. If you have friends or loved ones you can count on, count on them to help you through a difficult situation. Let them know you need help and share your thoughts. [29] X Strine Research Resources , Tara W.; Chapman, Daniel P.; Balluz, Lina; Mokdad, Ali H. Health-related quality of life and health behaviors by social and emotional support. Social Psychiatry & Psychiatric Epidemipogy. Feb2008, Vp. 43 Issue 2, pp. 151-159.
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Consider seeing a therapist. Staying calm during difficult times can lead to overload. You may find yourself feeling out of control, or angry at others. You may have serious insomnia problems. If you’re out of control, it may be time to seek the help of a therapist. If you have persistent depression, sadness, or hopelessness that affects your ability to perform daily tasks, talk to your therapist. Your doctor can guide you and help you find the peace of mind you need. [30] X Trusted Source National Institute of Mental Health Go to Source
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 29 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,738 times.
Going through tough times is a part of life. Sometimes life is like a challenging maze where you have to make difficult choices that can leave you feeling distracted, overwhelmed and hopeless. Let’s start solving this problem by finding solutions to relieve emotional stress immediately. Learn how to handle your emotions to reduce your inner conflict and tension. Accept that tough times happen to everyone. The solutions below will help you feel stronger, more capable, and ready to face future challenges.
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