How to let someone know you don’t want to be friends with them

When you need to let someone know that you don’t want to continue being friends with them, how do you do this? The answer depends in part on whether the two are close friends or just casual friends. If you don’t know the person well, you can end the friendship abruptly or slowly. If the person is a close friend of yours, you should talk to them in person.

Table of Contents

End of close friendship

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Plan to meet. You can send the person a text or email asking to meet them at a neutral location. If you both live in the same city, this is the best way to talk about ending a friendship. ^{[1] X Research Source}

When the person asks about what you want to say, simply respond with a vague statement. For example, you could say, “I just wanted to share a few recent decisions with you.” If your friend continues to insist, you should remind him or her that you want to talk to them face-to-face.
If the person lives in another city, you can send an email or text about setting up a specific time to chat over the phone. Of course, talking face to face is better, but if you don’t live close to each other, this option won’t be suitable.
You need to be careful because the words that are written are easily misunderstood. This is also why talking directly with the other person is the best way, although it can be quite difficult.

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Ready. You’ve probably been looking forward to freeing yourself from this friendship for quite some time, but when you meet your friend, you need to make it clear why you want to end the friendship. ^{[2] X Research Source}

If you need to bring up the actions that the person took that led you to this decision, you should think about how to express them in a way that is as kind and gentle as possible.
You probably don’t want them to know why you had to end the friendship, and that’s completely normal. You can use a vague statement, or something like “For me, things have changed…”.
Don’t feel as though you need to justify or defend your decision.

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You should remember that your decision may surprise the other party. That person will be upset or angry when they hear the news. Or they will try to save the friendship. You should determine in advance whether you want to mend the friendship and whether this decision will be final. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

If your friend becomes angry, you need to be prepared to deal with it. You don’t have to make a big deal out of it – just turn around and walk away.
Unless you think you want to fix this relationship, you should keep things brief. You don’t have to care for the person until they feel better. Just state your decision, and tell the person it’s time for both of you to move on.
Do not argue about who is right and who is wrong.

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Be aware of the consequences. If you’ve been friends for a long time, there’s a good chance you’ll both have some friends in common. These friends will likely be forced to “pick sides” between you and your old friend. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Avoid telling your friends about an action your ex did that caused you to end your friendship with them.
You shouldn’t feel as though you need to defend your decision to your friends, as it will only make the situation worse.

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Don’t talk about your old friend’s job. Explain that everything is up to you. Good friends will understand why without you having to explain further. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Friends you both know will try to get you back to your old friendship. When this is the case, you should redirect the conversation. Remind your friends that you’re just trying to move on.
Don’t turn anyone against your old friend. If you lose friends because of your decision, they may not be good friends either.

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Step forward. Avoid getting caught up in your decision to end your friendship – everything has happened. You have made the best decision possible, if you are a mature person. Now you don’t have to talk about it. Reviewing the decision, or defending it (even to yourself!) will only prolong the process. ^{[6] X Research Source}

It will feel weird when that person is no longer in your life, but you will get over it.
Spend time with other friends. Try new things, and go to every new place with your other friends.

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Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, get enough rest, and do all the activities you enjoy. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, and remember that ending a friendship can be a little painful. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Focusing on the positive parts of your life—everything you love about your own life right now—will help you stop feeling sad over the loss of a friendship.
If you find yourself having negative thoughts, you should try to turn them into more positive ones.

The end of an ordinary friendship

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Use the “step-by-step avoidance” approach. Slowing down from seeing the person may come naturally, or you’ll need to take the following steps. This is a good way to let people know that you don’t want to be friends with them without having to explain it verbally. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

This method is great for casual friends you don’t know well.
If the person is your new friend, this is not the end of the friendship, but it will simply help you make it clear that the two of you will never be able to be friends.
It may take you longer to end the friendship this way.

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Decline the opponent’s invitation. One way you can start minimizing contact with that person is to decline an invitation to do an activity with them. Occasionally, you will need to resort to a harmless lie to be able to say no. ^{[9] X Research Source}

For example, if the person invites you to the movies over the weekend, you might respond with something like, “That sounds great, but I have a lot of work to do this weekend so I won’t be able to go.”

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Make up excuses to avoid talking. You’ll probably run into the person you’re trying to avoid by accident, so it’s important to know how to deal with a situation like this. Ignoring the person is hurtful and awkward, so you should make up an excuse why you can’t stay in the conversation instead.

For example, you could politely greet the person and say something like, “Sorry, I can’t stay to chat. I’m running late. See you another time!”
Try to be as polite and thoughtful as possible. Even if you don’t want to be friends with the person, you won’t be able to tell when you’ll see them again, and maintaining politeness will minimize awkwardness when you two run into each other again. ^{[10] X Research Source}

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Take a more proactive approach to ending friendships. If the gradual and polite way of ending the friendship doesn’t work, you can make it clear directly to the person that you don’t want to be friends with them. You might say something like, “You’re a great person, but we’re so different. I really want you to meet a lot of good things, but I think we should stop seeing each other.”

Avoid using a strategy called “negative differential”. Negative difference is when you suddenly cut off all contact with that person. For example, you need to ignore their texts and emails, stop calling them back, and stop unfriending them on social sites. This method can be hurtful, angry, and cause anxiety for your health, so it’s not ideal. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Advice

Remember that you may just want to end the friendship temporarily. You shouldn’t say or do anything that could make this process permanent unless you’re absolutely sure you’ll never want to be friends with the person.
Act with kindness.
If you don’t want to be friends with someone because you’re both arguing, or the person sometimes says offensive things to you without even knowing it, you should find out if you can talk to each other. to solve the problem before it ends or not.

Warning

If you present all of your thoughts in an email, your friend can share them with others, and easily modify what you mean.

Steps

End of close friendship

The end of an ordinary friendship

Advice

Warning

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