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This article was co-written by Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Ken Breniman is a clinical social worker, yoga therapist, and autobiologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years of experience providing clinical support services and community workshops, using a combination of psychotherapy with therapeutic yoga. He specializes in teaching eclectic and non-denominational yoga, suffering therapy, complex trauma recovery, and developing mindful dying skills. He holds an MSW from the University of Washington and a master’s degree in autobiology from the Marian University of Fond du Lac. He is certified by the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing 500 hours of training at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and at Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
There are 22 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 16,904 times.
Losing a spouse is one of the most traumatic experiences we can go through. You may feel completely empty or in severe shock; The whole world seems to stop around you. [1] X Research Source Losing a loved one changes your whole life, especially when that loved one is also a close friend. You will feel disoriented and stuck, unable to make even the smallest decisions. Understand that just as wounds heal with time, emotional pain will eventually heal. Although there will be scars, you can certainly live on. Many people go through great loss and after a while they can still find a way to live well, to the fullest, and be meaningful – so you can too.
Steps
Say goodbye
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Understand that there are many stages in your life that you will have to go through. While not everyone goes through these stages in the same sequence, you will often experience a mixture of emotions such as denial, anger, resentment, longing, grief, sadness, and finally accept the truth. [2] X Research Sources[3] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source Besides not experiencing these feelings in sequence, you will likely experience these episodes of sadness over and over again for the rest of your life. the whole painful journey. [4] X Research Sources
- Allow yourself to feel the sadness and allow yourself to get through those stages. Don’t try to hide your feelings.
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Accomplish every last wish your spouse urgently makes before they die. If your spouse has passed away suddenly and without leaving a wish, you should find out what thoughts they might have in memory of the deceased. This can help you feel at peace, and ensure that you won’t have to deal with any psychological problems as you lead a new life. You can do this many times, or you can choose to memorialize your partner once and try to move on. To show respect for your deceased spouse you can: [5] X Research Source
- Light candles in their memory.
- Bring flowers to visit their graves and confide in them. Let them know what you’re thinking.
- Do something you used to love doing together while reminiscing about everything great about your partner.
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Understand that it will take some time before you can start to feel normal again. Your pain will not go away on its own, nor will it heal itself. Be patient with yourself because you have to go through a traumatic period. Grieving is a journey that lasts until you can come to terms with everything related to the loss, the person you love, yourself, and the happy memories of your relationship. . [6] X Research Sources
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Understand the difference between grief and depression. Grief and depression may be very similar, but they are actually different. [7] X Sources of Research It is important to understand the difference between the two so that when mourning for the deceased turns to depression you can seek help from a psychologist.
- When you are overwhelmed with grief, you may experience feelings such as sadness, despair, heartache, depression or lack of vitality, crying, loss of appetite, lack of sleep, loss of concentration, remembering things bittersweet memories, and/or a weak sense of self-blame. [8] X Research Sources
- When you’re depressed, you’re likely to experience some of the symptoms of grief, along with feelings like you’re worthless and empty, worthless, very blameworthy, mean. suicidal thoughts, loss of interest in play, extreme fatigue, and/or rapid weight loss.
- Notice how you feel when you think of fond memories of your deceased spouse. Do warm memories of your partner make you feel more comforted and relieved? Or do you feel so empty and lost that even good memories can’t heal your heart? If you’re experiencing the latter, that’s a telltale sign that you’re depressed. [9] X Research Source
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Don’t mind people who say you’re not hurting enough. What matters is how you feel you are hurting. The permanent loss of a spouse is a private matter between you and your partner. There is no right or wrong rule about how long you have to forget them in order to continue living. [10] X Research Source
- If someone tells you that you haven’t been heartbroken enough, thank them for caring about you and say that each person has a different way of expressing grief.
- You may come across someone who thinks your wounds have been healed “too fast” or “too slow” and that you are stuck because you feel grief after the loss of your husband/ his beloved wife. If this happens, always remember that even though the person may have good intentions and they just want you to heal, it is you who decides when you are willing to let go of everything in the past. and live on.
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Realize that you always have many choices. There will be times when you need to cry and get over the pain to move on to another page of your life. There will be times when you are willing to actively face the pain so that you can heal your wounds and start a new life. Although you have no choice but to live with the death of your partner forever, you can choose how to deal with the situation and how you want to live.
- Even so, the permanent loss of your partner will leave you with a huge change. It’s best not to make any sudden changes while you’re still figuring out how to deal with this huge loss. [11] X Research Source
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Don’t worry that you will forget your life partner. You love your spouse enough to remember them for the rest of your life. You will always remember them. Feel free to accept that the memories of him will always be in your mind so you can remember them whenever you want. Allow yourself to lead a busy life; that can be beneficial for the spiritual healing journey. [12] X Research Source
- Don’t think that when you’re busy you’ll forget about your deceased spouse or that you’re disrespecting them. Life requires you to focus and try. It’s normal to be busy with life, and it’s not a sign that you’re forgetting about him.
Take care of yourself
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Adopt a pet. Many studies have shown that pet owners live better lives, feel less alone, and are less concerned with the thoughts of others than non-pet owners. [13] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source If you don’t have the energy left to spend a lot of time focusing on pets, you should have a cat. Meo is the ideal friend. They are clean and do not require you to walk. They love to cuddle and love you. They are also objects for your care and attention. Cats will greet you when you come home and lie on your lap while you are watching TV. If you don’t like cats, get a dog or any other pet that makes you happiest or brings you joy or value in life. [14] X Research Source
- Understand that pets won’t be able to replace your love and they won’t either, but pets can make you smile and listen when you want to chat with them to fill a lonely day. .
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Volunteer when you’re ready or have regained your energy. Volunteer to spend your time on a case or something that you really want to do. Helping others can bring great benefits to each of us. In fact, many studies show that helping others makes us happier. [15] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- Proceed slowly; You should only volunteer for about an hour a week at first and get a feel for how it works for you, then build up from that foundation when you’re ready.
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Prioritize controlling factors that may be causing you grief. When your spouse’s birthday or vacation is approaching, you may experience extreme sadness. You should also be aware that certain places, smells, or sounds associated with your deceased partner may trigger grief within you. While that’s normal, there are things you can do to ease the emotional pain you’re experiencing. [16] X Research Source[17] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- For example, if you and your partner used to go shopping together at a certain store, you should think about changing shopping locations to avoid being overwhelmed by sadness.
- In another case, you can also drown in emotional pain while driving past a familiar restaurant, where your late husband/wife used to like to go. You can handle this by taking a different route to where you want to go. But if you can’t go the other way, you may choose to take some time out of your day to experience the grief that may arise in response to the situation. For example, you might leave a few minutes earlier than usual so you can express your sadness in the car.
- You may not know what is likely to cause you grief until you experience it. Once you’ve figured out what triggers your sadness, make a note of it so you can figure out how to deal with it the next time you face them.
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Take care of your own physical health. Grief can be harmful to your body. To combat its harmful effects and get rid of depression, what you need to do is exercise regularly, eat healthy foods, drink plenty of water, take medicine as prescribed by your doctor, and get plenty of sleep. every night to make yourself feel relaxed and ready for the new day. [18] X Research Sources
- You should set a goal of 30 minutes of aerobic exercise a day. [19] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Try to eat a balanced diet that includes lean meats, beans, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Avoid eating too much fat or sugar. [20] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- While the amount of water you should drink each day varies depending on many factors, aim to drink about eight glasses of water a day, but don’t force yourself to drink less than that, because the number eight is not a magic number. [21] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Set a goal of about seven or eight hours of sleep each night, which you can adjust as needed so that you feel rested when you wake up in the morning. [22] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Avoid using alcohol or drugs to cope with sadness. Although they are attractive, if you drink alcohol or take drugs to try to overcome this huge loss, you will only find yourself more and more anxious and depressed. At least in the case of alcohol for relief (but certainly also true for stimulants), the reason is that the consequences of drinking can lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety. [23] X Research Sources
- If you are a man, please be especially wary of alcohol abuse, as it is clear that men are more inclined to use alcohol to relieve depression than women. [24] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source
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Become active in the community. One way to get over a loss is to get closer to the people around you. The way to strengthen intimate social ties is to become an active member of the community. In fact, there are many studies that prove that helping others can help you reduce stress and increase feelings of social cohesion. [25] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- To join the community, look out for flyers in your area, ask your neighbors, or go online to find events you can join.
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Talk to a psychologist or counselor. If possible, you should seek professional advice about the pain of the loss of a spouse. In some cases, experienced psychologists or counselors can help you work through your pain and deal with the emotions you’re facing. [26] X Research Sources
- To find a psychologist near you, try visiting this website.
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Consider joining a group of like-minded people who support each other. You may find it comforting to talk to these people because they too have experienced that great loss. [27] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source They are able to provide a point of view gleaned from personal experiences they have had following the eternal death of someone they love.
- You can find support from a variety of groups by accessing social media, consulting a psychologist or counselor, or even looking at your local newspaper.
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Do what you’ve always dreamed of doing. After enough time has passed for you to get over the pain, give yourself permission to make a big change to give yourself the joy of living again. It’s time to do it! Be whoever you want to be. You can be an artist, a pilot, or a scuba diver. You can also experience flying in a hot air balloon.
- The most important thing is to try to live comfortably and happily. Your dreams can come true and fill the void in your life. You will meet new people and realize that life can still be interesting and comfortable even when you are alone.
Advice
- Understand that you are not alone.
- Consider seeing a psychologist and counselor or joining a peer-support group.
- If you are thinking about suicide, there are other better options. Share about the pain you are going through right now that makes you believe that suicide is the only way out of the pain. Please take a few minutes to share your problem.
- When you no longer have a partner, your mutual friends may gradually drift away from you. It’s sad, but it happens sometimes. Be open to making new friends.
- Take care of the needs of younger family members, children, or grandchildren, to help you focus on what really matters in your life and also to help create new intentions for a positive life. pole.
- Rearrange memorabilia and pictures so you don’t have to deal with things that remind you of your deceased partner when you return home. You should buy new items that can bring joy to your home, gradually making it your home.
- Hang posters with positive quotes from good books about grief and place them where they can be easily seen.
Warning
- Suicide is not the way to escape. If you are thinking about suicide, call a hotline, call a friend, or see a psychologist right away!
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This article was co-written by Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Ken Breniman is a clinical social worker, yoga therapist, and autobiologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years of experience providing clinical support services and community workshops, using a combination of psychotherapy with therapeutic yoga. He specializes in teaching eclectic and non-denominational yoga, suffering therapy, complex trauma recovery, and developing mindful dying skills. He holds an MSW from the University of Washington and a master’s degree in autobiology from the Marian University of Fond du Lac. He is certified by the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing 500 hours of training at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and at Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
There are 22 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 16,904 times.
Losing a spouse is one of the most traumatic experiences we can go through. You may feel completely empty or in severe shock; The whole world seems to stop around you. [1] X Research Source Losing a loved one changes your whole life, especially when that loved one is also a close friend. You will feel disoriented and stuck, unable to make even the smallest decisions. Understand that just as wounds heal with time, emotional pain will eventually heal. Although there will be scars, you can certainly live on. Many people go through great loss and after a while they can still find a way to live well, to the fullest, and be meaningful – so you can too.
Thank you for reading this post How to Live After the Eternal Departure of a Spouse at Lassho.edu.vn You can comment, see more related articles below and hope to help you with interesting information.
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