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This article was co-written by Cher Gopman. Cher Gopman is the founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, which provides dating advice in New York. ‘NYC Wingwoman’ offers matchmaking and dating advice, one-on-one coaching, and an intensive weekend coaching program. Cher is a life coach and former mental health nurse, and her work has been featured in Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1 and The New York Post.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 14,432 times.
It’s good to try to get along with people from all walks of life, even those you don’t like at all, but sometimes it’s better to let someone know that you don’t like them than to pretend. For example, you’ll need to tell the person trying to reach you that you don’t want to date them. You may also need to say that you don’t want to be friends with someone. You may even want to break up with someone who has been friends for a long time. In such cases, make it clear that you want them to keep your distance and be polite to you.
Steps
Tell a stranger you don’t like them
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Be frank. If someone asks you out on a date or asks for your phone number, the way to say no is to give a simple and straightforward answer. A straightforward approach can work because you don’t keep them waiting and don’t create confusion, so they’re likely to find another shade. [1] X Research Source
- For example, you could use the sentence “I appreciate the invitation, but I can’t accept it, thank you.”
- You can also say, “No, I don’t want to date right now.”
- Be sure to include a “no” clause in your answer for clarity. [2] X Research Source
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Choose an indirect answer. If you don’t want to outright reject someone, you can answer in a roundabout way. Use a tactful indirect response by starting with a compliment for the other person but still ending with a rejection. [3] X Research Sources
- For example, you could explain, “You seem like a nice person, but I don’t want to date anyone, so I’ll say ‘no.'”
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Try dodge tactics. Another option is to use dodge tactics. That is, you’ll avoid requests by distracting you so you don’t have to answer them directly, like giving the person a fake phone number so they don’t know you’re refusing. [4] X Research Sources
- To give someone a fake phone number, you can think of a series of numbers, but make sure not to match someone else’s phone number. This tactic can backfire if the other person tries to call that number or gets a chance to see you again.
- Another option is to confirm you already have a boyfriend or girlfriend. You can also ask your friends to pretend to be lovers; However, using this tactic will drive people away, and this can become a problem when you want to see them again.
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Don’t say “sorry. “ The act of apologizing will show you’re feeling sorry for the person, which can make the rejection worse. Besides, there’s no reason to apologize. Let’s simply say you decided not to take their word for it. [5] X Research Sources
Tell someone you don’t want to be friends with them
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Make sure you have something to say. However, sometimes keeping quiet is for the best. If telling the other person doesn’t change the situation, then you can let it go, even if the person upsets you. [6] X Research Sources
- For example, telling a manager you don’t like them won’t do you any good. They hold power at work and can make your career miserable, so telling your manager you don’t like them will be to your detriment. You may also get in trouble for not being submissive.
- In addition, you should consider your options if the person you don’t like is a relative or family friend. If you see the person often, saying that you don’t like them will only make the situation more awkward.
- Similarly, if the person is mutual friends with other friends, it can be awkward at social gatherings if you say you don’t like them.
- Consider whether you are fair in your love and hate. Maybe you didn’t like someone in the first place without getting to know them well. Try to get to know the person before you rush to judge.
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Maintain courtesy. Even if you tell someone you don’t need them in your life, try not to be too rude to be rude. You can tell someone you don’t want to be friends with them without acting rude, which will also help keep the relationship from falling apart. [7] X Research Sources
- If you are too aggressive, you may have trouble making friends with others. Rumors will spread quickly.
- Don’t be abusive or rude when talking to the person; Be as respectful and calm as possible.
- For example, say, “I can’t stand being around you.” is quite rude. Instead, try saying, “We’re so different and I really don’t have much time for new friends.”
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Don’t give your partner “hope. “ If you don’t want to develop a friendship with them, they’ll find out later. In other words, try not to engage in conversations and disagree with plans you don’t want to join. [8] X Research Sources
- Also, try not to smile at your partner. You don’t have to frown, but smiling makes you more approachable
- This approach can make you appear cold or cocky in the eyes of others, so be very careful.
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Try direct speech. While it’s cruel to be blunt, it can confirm from the start that you don’t want to go any further. If you really don’t want to see that person anymore, it’s better to be blunt; however, this can backfire, especially if this is used in the workplace. [9] X Research Source
- You could say something like, “I don’t think we’d be friends, but it’s nice to meet you.”
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Be honest with your feelings. If your partner seems eager to move further into a relationship you’re comfortable with, talk to the person directly without criticism. For example, maybe they want a deeper friendship, but you just want to stop at acquaintances.
- You could say something like, “I feel like you want me to give this friendship more love. That’s way beyond what I’m willing to give. If you still want to be closer to me. In a few months, would you be willing to talk to me again?”
- Alternatively, you could say, “Thanks for the friend request. You seem like a great person. I’m just not interested, thank you.”
Tell the person you don’t want to be friends with
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Consider your purpose. Decide what you want from the situation, and then choose the most appropriate course of action to achieve your goal with the least amount of stress. If you want to see the person less, you may not need to tell your partner that you don’t like them. If you want to cut that person out of your life, it may be best to tell them directly instead of ignoring them. [10] X Research source Ask yourself questions like:
- What do I hope will happen when I tell the person I don’t like them?
- Do I want them to stop bothering me? (I should rather ask for that.)
- Would I like to see them less? (Maybe I should tell them I can only hang out once a month.)
- Do I want to hurt that person or not? Will I regret hurting their feelings afterwards?
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Be very kind. Despite the fact that you are rejecting someone, you should not act rude. Instead, try to minimize rudeness so the other person doesn’t feel disgusted or disappointed in you. [11] X Research Source
- Saying, for example, “You’re an idiot and I don’t like you,” is really inappropriate. Instead you could say, “I know you want to hang out more, but I’m not comfortable with that. I feel like we’re so different.”
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Treat friends similarly to lovers. If you’re trying to tell your best friend that the two of you have drifted apart, treat him or her as you would a lover. That is, break up with them the way you would with an ex. [12] X Research Source
- Sitting facing them is the best way, although you can send a letter or email if that’s your only option. State why you want to stop being friends. Ideally, blame yourself, something like, “I’m not who I used to be, and I don’t think we’re suitable for being friends anymore.”
- Another option is to ask for a break. Maybe you just need a little time to settle in, although a break can also be a temporary relief to get a longer break.
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Avoid. While this may not be the best option, it is still an option. You can just ignore the person’s calls or avoid talking to them when you see each other. The person may realize that you don’t want to be friends with them. [13] X Research Source
- People often use this method to try not to hurt the feelings of others, but sometimes such “disappearance” can actually be more misleading and hurtful, and only delay further events. the inevitable. The person will start to worry about you and may not realize that you’re trying to end the relationship, so it’s best to just be frank if possible.
- Understand that if you’re going to avoid the person, you have to be frank after all. They may wonder if something is wrong or if you are angry or avoiding them. Prepare yourself to answer these questions.
- One way to avoid the other person is to make excuses for work, such as, “I’d love to chat, but I really need to get back to work.”
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Be realistic. Rejecting someone as well as being rejected by others can be hurtful, especially to a stubborn person. You can’t get out of this situation without being emotionally hurt; However, if the friendship is really going bad, then it’s time to let go so you can have healthier and stronger relationships.
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This article was co-written by Cher Gopman. Cher Gopman is the founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, which provides dating advice in New York. ‘NYC Wingwoman’ offers matchmaking and dating advice, one-on-one coaching, and an intensive weekend coaching program. Cher is a life coach and former mental health nurse, and her work has been featured in Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1 and The New York Post.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 14,432 times.
It’s good to try to get along with people from all walks of life, even those you don’t like at all, but sometimes it’s better to let someone know that you don’t like them than to pretend. For example, you’ll need to tell the person trying to reach you that you don’t want to date them. You may also need to say that you don’t want to be friends with someone. You may even want to break up with someone who has been friends for a long time. In such cases, make it clear that you want them to keep your distance and be polite to you.
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