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This article was co-written by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Julia Yacoob is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. She specializes in providing cognitive behavioral therapy to adults experiencing stress in their lives. Yacoob holds a master’s and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rutgers University, has studied intensively at Weill Cornell Medical College, and trained at New York Church Hospital, Memorial Sloan Cancer Center- Kettering, Institute of Behavioral Therapy and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Women’s Mental Health League, the NYC Cognitive Behavior Therapy Association, and the Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy Association.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,027 times.
Being put down is a very negative emotion that some people experience. To recover from being mistreated or a series of hardships, you need strength and love for yourself. Fortunately, learning to love yourself will help maintain your happiness and make you stronger when life and others let you down. Take the following steps to treat yourself with self-compassion, no matter the circumstances.
Steps
Coping with unwanted emotions when being put down by others
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Respond with ingenuity. Learning to be assertive and tactful by pointing out the negative, harmful opinions of others in a soft and positive way, is an important step toward dealing with the situation. being put down by others. Nurture energy by fighting for yourself and changing environmental circumstances to prevent future ill-treatment.
- Assertiveness is far from aggressive. Try speaking clearly and maintaining eye contact as a receptive listener. [1] X Research Source
- Assertive communication can help increase self-confidence, earn respect from others, improve decision-making skills, and resolve conflicts [2] X Research Source .
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Accept reality. Often people are so different that it is difficult to agree on the same opinion. You’ll come across a lot of people who don’t feel particularly good around you, and others will feel the same way about you. It’s important to understand: while not everyone is meant to be your friend, that doesn’t make you or the other person the bad guy. Incompatibility is just a part of life that we can learn to deal with either with tolerance and subtlety or with defensiveness and cruelty. When someone puts you down, the problem is with them, not with you. Here are the top reasons people might criticize you [3] X Research Source :
- They feel threatened by your ability, attractiveness, etc. So they are trying to level the playing field with you.
- They have concerns about your motivation, skill level, performance, or contribution to the job.
- They feel that you are not doing your part of the job properly or that you are not participating in the team work.
- Their intense needs are unmet and unmet.
- They have a tendency to control and assign responsibility when working.
- They think they have the privilege of special treatment but do not feel they are receiving it.
- They want to bring you down to raise their position or to flatter their boss, etc.
- They feel unsafe and are trying to make amends but have gone too far.
- They think you are humiliating them in front of others.
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Store multiple choices. When we feel hurt or humiliated, it’s easy to fall into the position of a victim and assume there’s nothing you can do to change negative emotions. It is important to realize that there are always many options to improve the situation. Try to think about your options for feedback and an innovative approach. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, if a friend at school is always putting you down before others, remember that you always have the choice to ignore the aggressor. If you feel that this is not the best way to handle the problem, find someone who can intervene to help you to some extent.
- In a public forum, such as a meeting, you may want to debate the merits of a decision or work, and correct any misconceptions. [5] X Research Sources .
- With family or friends, you may want them to know that you really want to understand their concerns, but that’s not something you always have to agree to. Depending on the situation, you can be assertive by saying, “Let’s just accept the disagreement.” [6] X Research Sources
- With kids or teens who are aggressive, you may have to admit that their feelings are theirs and that there’s nothing wrong with them, but they need to learn to be more respectful of others [7] X Source research .
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Learn how to turn the current situation around. If you have been humiliated by others, you may feel embarrassed, sad, or overwhelmed with feelings of injustice. You should not deny this feeling, but also realize that you still have another way to go instead of feeling stuck. [8] X Research Source Viewing self-deprecation is also an exercise in becoming more resilient, facing anything that can happen at any time.
- After all, life is full of situations where we don’t necessarily have to choose, and we can choose to react differently between gnawing on sadness or happily accepting hurt so we can learn to give up.
- Understand what happened to yourself. Ask yourself according to your own values that you hold dear: What went well? What have I not done well? What can I do better next time? [9] X Research Source
- Try practicing mindfulness meditation in the present moment. This can be helpful to get rid of painful emotions, and take a moment to ask yourself how demeaning a person speaks to who the other person is.
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Be careful not to fall into the negative trap of thinking. It will be better if you can be realistic about what happened and we can stand up after being pushed down by others. Notice when we distort our thoughts, exaggerate things, and have a negative assessment of our situation. Here are some examples of ways of thinking that make it harder for you to see the facts: [10] X Sources of Research
- Predicting the future is when we assume that things will go badly without knowing the actual basis for this prediction.
- Black and white thinking when we only see things with harsh judgments. In black-and-white thinking, everything is either good or bad (even when reality tells us that things are too complicated and this kind of judgment should not be used).
- Mind reading is when we think we know what other people think (and often the worst things about us!) In reality, we can’t tell what other people are thinking.
- Labeling is when we choose simple words like “stupid” or “ugly” to label a behavior, situation, or person that is so complex that it cannot be summed up in a single word. a word. Labeling is often negative behavior and makes us forget other aspects that exist.
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Finding meaning in being put down by others. It’s easy to ask yourself, “Why me?” in difficult situations. Getting stuck in a “why me” mindset can make it hard for you to realize that the lesson always comes with difficulty. Find meaning in things by changing the question: “Why me?” question “What can I learn about why and how some people like to put others down?” or “What can I do to stop the cruelty I’ve been through?”
- The most resilient people analyze every angle of the hurt they’ve suffered and the message they’ve received in life from the hurt. This means that the situation has its own meaning even though it feels very uncomfortable. [11] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source
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Laugh to ease being put down. In many situations, being put down has nothing to do with who you are and what happened in reality. In this case, being put down might not even be worth worrying or worrying too much about the crash or what you could have done differently.
- Think about the absurdity of judging yourself based on a single case. It makes no sense to think that one person’s mistake or one opinion can tell who you are, right?
- Try smiling at the fact that you’re a much more complicated person than once shown down.
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Focus your attention on what you can control. There are many things we cannot control, including the decisions of others. So your recovery will be easier if you rediscover your ability to make a positive impact. [12] X Research Resources Do something you can control, like an art project or a challenging new assignment at work or a school assignment. Keep track of your dedication to something (and give it your all!) to remember that you have the potential to contribute a lot of good to the world around you.
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Seek social support. Friends, family, and other supportive relationships play an important role in determining your ability to recover from humiliation. Be sure to have people around you who will listen to you, without judging everything you’ve been through.
- Maintain strong supportive relationships, even when they can’t be near you. When you feel yourself jostled in the middle of your life, think of your friends. What good aspects of your personality did they show you? How do you feel around them? And then you can be yourself with them and even in their absence.
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Know when to seek outside help. If you have been humiliated multiple times by the same individual or group of people, you may be facing threats or bullying yourself. Threatening or bullying is a serious offence. You need to find a teacher, parent, or interventional counselor who can help end the problem. Here are signs that you are being bullied and should seek help: [13] X Trusted Source StopBullying.gov Go to source
- You are demeaned including acting like making threats, spreading rumors, acting physically or verbally, and acting with intent to exclude.
- The person who bullies you is stronger than you in terms of fitness, popularity, or access to information that could be used to harm or cause trouble for you.
- Behaviors that occur more than once and are likely to continue.
Learn how to love yourself more
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Let go of feelings of shame . If you’re trying to love yourself more, shame is one of your worst enemies right now – it tells you that being yourself is something fundamentally evil or wrong. [14] X Research Sources Since shame often targets areas you’ve always tried to hide, writing down your true feelings (even if they make you ashamed or disgusted) can help. you understand that there’s nothing wrong with true feelings. When journaling, write about the difficulty and pain you faced during the day, including something you did self-assessment. [15] X Research Source
- In each painful moment or event, there is a need for a fresher look at the experience through the lens of compassion. Think about what you have learned from what happened and be generous with yourself in the way you act. Understand that you have many opportunities to respond to events in different ways.
- Try journaling every day for a few weeks to become comfortable with your own views and thoughts. You might be surprised to read your diary again – look how interesting and sensitive the person who wrote it is!
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Know self-acceptance. In a world so focused on progress and improvement, we can easily forget the importance of accepting the things about ourselves that we cannot change. You have unique talents and flaws that make you who you are. Accepting yourself and your feelings instead of avoiding them can help you use what you have. This will help uncover who you really are and your abilities (not just what you think you should be).
- This acceptance directly contributes to self-love by reducing the shame that always assumes that we are not good enough or that we would be far more perfect humans if we could feel and act. distinctive. [16] X Trusted Source Science Direct Go to Source
- One thing that everyone must accept is that the past cannot be changed or denied. So focus on the future – what you really control is how you learn and respond to the current situation.
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Develop your own values. Strong values will help decorate your life and bring a lot of meaning to yourself. Because if you know your own worth, you will understand what is happening around. Your worth will also serve as a counter cue when you are downplayed to see how severely it affects you, and also let you know when failure is just a minor and potentially negative event. skip.
- For example, your values prioritize celebrating achievements and you go to a restaurant with friends for a promotion party. You’re met with staring eyes from the next table because of your glittering party hat. Who cares? You are acting on your values and not on the standards of others for proper celebratory behavior.
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Take charge of your overall health. Do you strive to maintain habits that contribute to your overall lifestyle? Pay attention to the things that are very important but easily broken, and take care of yourself as if you were taking care of a loved one (because you are your own important loved one!).
- Do you eat well? Ask yourself if you can always give yourself the nutrient-rich foods your body needs.
- Did you get enough sleep? Do you often feel tired in the morning due to lack of regular sleep habits?
- What about exercise? Getting 30 minutes of active cardiovascular exercise a day improves mood, overall function, and reduces the risk of chronic diseases [17] X Trusted Source Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to source .
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Focus on your interests. Take the time to learn what you want or cultivate hobbies and passions you already have. Find your passions and talents and spend a certain amount of time doing what you love each week. Maybe you want to write a short story or cook a meal your mother used to cook when you were a kid. By simply reconnecting with activities you love, you deepen the world with hidden longings that you may have easily overlooked when working, studying, and on a mission. stress.
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Learn how to relax. In the fast-paced modern world, relaxation is not an easy thing to do – and also important because the opportunity is rare. When you intentionally take steps to relax, you’re giving yourself a wonderful gift and affirming to yourself that you deserve to relax. Here are some solutions that you can learn to put together a variety of effective ways to relax when needed:
- Mindfulness meditation
- Yoga
- Deep breath
- Continuous muscle relaxation
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This article was co-written by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Julia Yacoob is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. She specializes in providing cognitive behavioral therapy to adults experiencing stress in their lives. Yacoob holds a master’s and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rutgers University, has studied intensively at Weill Cornell Medical College, and trained at New York Church Hospital, Memorial Sloan Cancer Center- Kettering, Institute of Behavioral Therapy and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Women’s Mental Health League, the NYC Cognitive Behavior Therapy Association, and the Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy Association.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,027 times.
Being put down is a very negative emotion that some people experience. To recover from being mistreated or a series of hardships, you need strength and love for yourself. Fortunately, learning to love yourself will help maintain your happiness and make you stronger when life and others let you down. Take the following steps to treat yourself with self-compassion, no matter the circumstances.
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