How to Handle Feelings of Resentment

Have you ever resented someone because they hurt you deeply? Do you hate someone because they are better than you? Resentment is a psychological process of clinging to painful events or failures that made you angry or bitter. Resentment can cause you to lose yourself and poison your soul, making it difficult to trust others, lose compassion, or accept future love. Overcoming feelings of resentment means that you choose to accept what has happened and forgive others, and change yourself so that those feelings don’t negatively affect you.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgment of feelings

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Find out the source and cause of your resentment. Identify exactly how you really feel and why you feel the way you do. Try to understand yourself. Since when do you feel resentment? Did something upset you? Is resentment related to your spouse, parents or family?

Recognizing the cause of your resentment will help guide you on how to overcome it. For example, if being angry because someone close to you is making you depressed or frustrated, you can deal with it by changing what you expect from the other person. Of course you can’t change others, so change yourself or learn to accept what has happened.
Sometimes, the trigger for your resentment comes directly from the person. However, there are other times when they may unknowingly tap into an insecurity or guilt you already have.

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Identify your role in resentment. Sometimes, we hate others because we are frustrated when we are vulnerable. Inwardly, we feel confused or embarrassed because we have not been able to predict the situation. We feel anger because we let our guard down and trusted the person who hurt us. With that in mind, we get angry at ourselves.

There is a quote that goes like this, “Anger is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill you”. You have the choice to look to the future or continue to suffer. Realize your strength and don’t put all the blame on others.

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Determine if your feelings are jealous or have a good reason. Craving or wanting to have what others have, whether frivolous or necessary, leads to feelings of envy. If you resent someone because they have something you dream of, it doesn’t help that you hate that person. You need to understand that your feelings are because you feel something is missing, this will help you overcome feelings of jealousy. ^{[1] X Research Sources}^{[2] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

An example of jealousy leading to resentment is being bitter when a coworker gets a promotion while you covet the position. Perhaps you feel you deserve a promotion because you have more seniority.
Overcome envy by being true to yourself and taking action. Does that person really make you angry or is that your problem? If you feel your qualifications are worthy of consideration, you can actively discuss with your superiors about other vacancies. Or, if you think you’re better than your boss, perhaps you should find a suitable position at another company.
You are not jealous of that person, you are jealous of their character or ability. Sit down and honestly assess your feelings and redirect the jealousy to better yourself. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

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Be honest with your feelings. Anger and resentment are powerful emotions. Sometimes, we hurt ourselves more by pretending to ignore or try to deny our feelings. Resentment arises because we see things based on our emotions, so we begin to hate or envy the person we think offended us. Acknowledging your feelings will help you heal.

Anger often overshadows other difficult to understand or express emotions. People express anger because it’s easier to show others that you’re angry than it is to show feelings of rejection, frustration, jealousy, confusion, or hurt.
Give yourself a few minutes to think about what happened to you, and feel all the emotions involved in the incident. Get angry if you’re upset. Acknowledge the pain or the shame. Don’t try to banish these feelings. You should really acknowledge your feelings so you can move on.

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Talk to a friend or someone you trust. Find someone to talk to and confide in what happened that upset you. Talking to others can help you see the situation more objectively. Perhaps others will recognize the habits in your behavior that lead to the problem, and they will assist you in finding a solution. It always helps when you can chat with someone.

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Write down what other people have done that upset you. Take notes as much detail as you can remember and don’t skip anything. When finished, write down the characteristics of the person you resent. Don’t call them derogatory names. Are they too selfish, rude, cruel, and indecent? Think about what they did and rate the rudeness. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Next, write down which behavior of the person upsets you, taking notes not to make you angry, but to dig deeper into the cause of the resentment.
Finally, document how that behavior and your feelings have impacted your life. For example, if your spouse betrays you, you will feel angry, sad, and ashamed. Your spouse’s betrayal has made it difficult for you to trust or connect with others for fear that they will also hurt you.

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Tell the person who offended you how much they let you down. In some cases, when loved ones hurt us, we want to understand them. While understanding why someone hurt you doesn’t make it go away – even if the person doesn’t know why they did it – having a frank conversation about what happened is a step in the right direction. to heal heartache. ^{[5] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

Ask the person to meet you to chat. Use sentence patterns that begin with “I” such as “I am heartbroken because ____,” to express how you feel. Then, in a non-critical manner, ask if the person can explain the situation from their point of view.
Confront the person only after you have an objective view of the matter, which means you understand your role and deal with your emotions.
If you want to maintain a relationship with the person, let them know that you want to receive an apology or ask for specific compensation. For example, if your partner has made a mistake and you still decide to stay with him or her, set limits and rules about what you want them to do next time.

Relieve feelings of resentment

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Stop brooding. Pondering means ruminating on the issue over and over again, causing you to forget the present moment and have negative emotions. The brooding mindset is the foundation of resentment. Therefore, in order to give up brooding, you first need to learn how to manage your thoughts. Here are three ways to quit brooding: ^{[6] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}^{[7] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

Focus on the solution instead of the problem. This is an effective and forward-looking way to deal with feelings of resentment. Clinging to what happened is not going to help you. Having a plan to learn from the incident will help you become more mature. Write down a few ways to solve the problem, like improving your stress management skills or re-evaluating what you expect from others.
Carefully consider your analysis of the situation. Sometimes, we harbor resentment based on misconceptions. The other person may not even know what they did wrong, or if they did, they probably never intended to hurt you. Let’s see things realistically. Do you expect others to read your mind?
Focus on the advantages. If you have been hurt by someone else, you probably spend a lot of time focusing on your weaknesses. Identify your strengths in relation to the event. For example, if a friend lets you down, the good side is that you probably still have other good friends. Perhaps you have an advantage of being willing to forgive a person regardless of their mistakes.

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Write down the good qualities of the person who hurt you. Acknowledging the good sides of the person will help you move on and see the situation more objectively. People make mistakes all the time and no one is completely bad. All people have admirable qualities; so look at the good side of that person.

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Forgive. Heartbreak caused by those we love has a lasting impact. However, if you keep resenting someone, you will not be able to heal and progress. Choose to forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiveness does not mean you continue to maintain a relationship with them. It also doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened. Forgiveness means that you choose not to be angry with the person anymore and you will release the negative emotions. Forgiveness helps you become a better person. ^{[8] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

Forgiveness comes in many forms, but the ultimate goal is for you to release feelings of resentment. After working through your feelings about the incident, make it clear that you no longer hold resentment. Say, “I forgive you”. Tell the person directly if you want to maintain a relationship with them.
After you’ve written your account of what happened, tear the piece of paper into pieces or burn it. Remove the person’s impact on you by choosing to forgive them and look to the future.
Learn to love yourself. Besides forgiving that person, you also need to be generous with yourself. Be kind to yourself in the same way you’ve been tolerant of others. You deserve to be loved. ^{[9] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}^{[10] X Research Source}
Say you forgive yourself and learn to love yourself. You can stand in front of a mirror and say something like, “I love you”, “I’m just human”, “I’m getting better”, or “I’m good enough”.

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Seek spiritual understanding. If you are a person who believes in good things, try to understand the meaning of the event that you have experienced. Does that matter happen so you can acknowledge other good things? Is your predicament an inspiration or encouragement to others? Furthermore, depending on your beliefs, hating others can negatively affect your mental health. Pray, meditate, or talk to a counselor to release resentment.

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Meet an expert. If you’re having a hard time forgiving and letting go of resentments to move forward, you may need to seek help from a mental health professional. Clinging to hatred and aversion can take a toll on your mental, physical, and emotional health. You can ask for therapy to manage anger or cognitive behavioral therapy to help you let go of brooding. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Warning

Never plot revenge or want to harm someone because you were hurt. Remember that evil cannot conquer another evil, but only good can conquer. Don’t hold back the hurt and suffering.

Steps

Acknowledgment of feelings

Relieve feelings of resentment

Warning

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