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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 14,987 times.
It’s really hard to resist the intense feelings you have for someone – which are unattainable, out of place, or at the wrong time. If you’re trying to hold back your feelings for someone, you should find an independent feeling in life and keep your distance from the person you have feelings for. Once you’ve found the right person and you’re ready, accept and cherish that love.
Steps
Feel satisfied independently
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Focus on personal goals. Put the energy you want to use to build the relationship into making yourself better. Make a list of ways you can improve yourself, and choose to pursue one that makes you feel both happy and proud of yourself. Develop a timetable and/or plan to help you achieve this goal and keep working. [1] X Research Source
- Set goals to advance your career or improve your academic performance in school. [2] X Research Source
- Set fitness goals. For example, stick to going to the gym 4 days a week. [3] X Research Sources
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Spend time with family and friends. Everyone needs to be shared and supported by those around them, regardless of whether they are single or in a relationship. Do some fun activities with family and friends that you enjoy being around to feel connected to everyone without having to be in a relationship. [4] X Research Sources
- Whether you’re going for a walk with your mom or bowling with 15 classmates, both of these activities work. However, you’re better off avoiding being around couples and becoming a “nosed rat”, as this makes you feel lonely and/or marginalized.
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Spend time in harmony with nature. You will feel peaceful when you breathe the fresh air and feel the beauty of the surrounding nature such as trees, flowers, mountains and sea. At least once a week, you should go for a walk alone in the woods or read a book on the beach to fill your heart and soul and bring yourself to the present state of peace. [5] X Research Sources
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Express creativity. You will feel stronger when you are creative with your ideas and knowledge. Being creative in any area of your passion will allow you to express yourself, making you feel happier. Sign up for an acting class you’ve always procrastinated on, or create some short stories in your spare time if you enjoy writing. [6] X Research Sources
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Find a favorite activity that has safe, healthy physical contact. Physical contact produces oxytocin and serotonin, which help you feel loved and happy. Physical contact is common in romantic relationships, but not when you’re single. Try some physical activity, such as massage, dancing, or spending time with your pet, and do whatever makes you feel loved and joyful. [7] X Research Sources
- However, don’t seek out feelings of love and happiness through sex before you’re psychologically ready. Furthermore, do not involve others in doing this if they are not ready or willing.
Avoid “sunstroke” someone
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Limit contact with the person you have a crush on. If you keep thinking about a person, the best way to avoid a “sunstroke” is to keep your distance from them. If you hang out with them often and/or communicate by phone and text, your feelings will grow and you will think about them more. Please stop and do other things and/or don’t use your phone for a while. [8] X Research Sources
- If you are a person who is frank, open, or speaks your mind, it is best to make your decision clear to that person. If that’s the case, say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t get far with this relationship.”
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Don’t use social media. Try not to look at your partner’s Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. Constantly watching will make you constantly think about the person and possibly like them more. If you can’t stop yourself, you should stop using social media completely so you can focus on thinking about other things. [9] X Research Source
- To not see the person’s posts on Facebook, go to their profile and select “Unfplow”. That way, you’ll still be friends, but that person’s posts won’t appear in your feed.
- Try turning off Instagram notifications by going to “Settings” on your device, clicking “Notifications”, selecting “Instagram” and turning off “Allow notifications”. ).
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Reflect on previous bad relationships. When emotions become intense, it’s easy to become confused and not see things in a clear or realistic way. To avoid heatstroke, think about past relationships and bad things when things didn’t end well and didn’t go the way you wanted. Don’t ruminate on past experiences, but use it to help you balance. [10] X Research Source
- Think back to your argument with your ex and tell yourself, “It was a difficult and painful thing, and I don’t want to face it again. Right now I’m fine and everything is in order.”
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Get busy. When you have time to sit still, it’s very difficult to keep yourself from thinking about that person. You can easily avoid the “sunstroke” by keeping busy focusing on other things every day. Try helping your parents clean the house or find a new hobby. The less free time you have, the less you will think about that person. [11] X Research Source
Hold on to love when you’re ready
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Let go of past pain and resentment. Even if the right person for you appears, it will be difficult for you to fall in love again because of past experiences. Love does wonderful things, but it can sometimes be painful, making you feel afraid of a new relationship. Let go of past pain and resentment by forgiving your ex and/or trying to think of positive outcomes from the relationship. [12] X Research Source
- For example, you may have dated someone who loves to play soccer so you have been practicing soccer with them and now that football is your favorite sport, you are also good at it and enjoy playing it.
- Try keeping a journal to keep track of your thoughts on this and try to form positive thoughts.
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Try to be more open-minded. Opening up can be scary, especially when you’ve been hurt before. When the time is right, let yourself feel happy and excited to talk and spend time with that special someone in your life. First, try telling this person a secret about yourself every week to create a strong bond. After a while, you can gradually move on to feeling loved and being completely open and honest with the person. [13] X Research Source
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Ignore self-criticism. For some reason, many people often choose to avoid love. If you really care about someone in your life but can’t express your feelings, your thinking will gradually turn to blame. [14] X Research Source
- Every time a certain thought comes to mind, like: “Don’t believe them; I can’t trust anyone”, or “They don’t love me; they’re going to hurt me again,” distract that thought by saying to yourself, “Those are just words of fear,” or, “This isn’t the same as the previous relationship.”
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 14,987 times.
It’s really hard to resist the intense feelings you have for someone – which are unattainable, out of place, or at the wrong time. If you’re trying to hold back your feelings for someone, you should find an independent feeling in life and keep your distance from the person you have feelings for. Once you’ve found the right person and you’re ready, accept and cherish that love.
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