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This article was co-written by Lauren Urban, LCSW. Lauren Urban is a psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York with over 13 years of experience in child, family, couple, and individual therapy. She received her master’s degree in social work from Hunter Cplege in 2006 and works with clients to help transform their circumstances and lives.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 26,570 times.
Thought infidelity is an emotional affair that arises when your spouse is close and intimate with another person on an emotional level but not sexually. Although they do not have physical relations, it is still considered an act of betraying the trust between the couple. To find out if your partner is having an emotional affair, notice if they are indifferent or stop sharing things with you, then look for suspicious texts or calls on your phone and see examine his or her sneaky behavior.
Steps
Realize the distance
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Realize your partner has stopped sharing important thoughts. When developing feelings for someone, your spouse often tends to confide in that person, not with you. It can be about dreams, hopes, fears or successes, and so on. [1] X Research Source
- Find out if your partner still shares things with you like they usually do. Ask them questions and see how they react, listen throughout the conversation to see what they are talking about.
- If you know your partner shares important information with someone else when you should be the first to know, it’s a bad sign that you’re no longer the person they want to share it with.
“Emotional problems arise when a partner’s needs are no longer met, especially when they feel that their partner is not there for them.”
Lauren Urban, LCSW
Psychotherapist
Lauren Urban is a psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York with over 13 years of experience in child, family, couple, and individual therapy. She received her master’s degree in social work from Hunter Cplege in 2006 and works with clients to help transform their circumstances and lives.
Lauren Urban, LCSW
Psychotherapist
Psychotherapist
Know if your sex life has changed. While it is possible that an emotional affair does not include physical intercourse, it can lead to physical separation between the couple. For example, having less sex than before or a change in sex life, becoming more casual and less intimate. [2] X Research Source
- For example, your spouse may not look at you at all, give you a hug, have sex in a hurry, or stop cuddling after having fun.
- Sometimes guilt can make your partner want to have sex more often or suddenly become interested in you, give gifts, and so on.
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Find out if your partner avoids. When people have other feelings outside, they often become distant from their spouse. This happens because they worry that they might be discovered or accidentally say something about others. If your partner becomes distant or doesn’t talk to you, they may have feelings for someone else. [3] X Research Sources
- Look what your partner does around you. Do they go to bed early, stay up late working, or don’t want to do the same things they used to do before?
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Notice changes in speech. When in a new relationship, people often begin to share things with “third people” instead of talking to their partner. You may see changes in what your partner says to you. Maybe they don’t talk to you as often as they used to, or maybe they’ve become quieter and less talkative. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, your partner often talks about the events of their day, but they haven’t talked about it much lately. This could be a sign of infidelity.
- If you suddenly realize that there are so many important things that your partner isn’t telling you, it could mean that they already have someone else to share it with, especially if you know they have a close relationship with you. anyone else.
- Changes in your spouse’s attitude and way of speaking can also be problematic. Consider if they start to react to you in an unpleasant way or speak to you in a reluctant tone.
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Be careful with the act of launching blind flames. Blinding is a trick where a person tries to convince a victim that what they see and know is not real or even a myth. [5] X Sources of Research If your spouse regularly tells you that these thoughts are not true or crazy and tries to paint a situation very different from what you see, they may be using Use the trick to trick you.
- For example, if you hear your spouse share some important information with another person, which they have not believed and told you before, they may try to convince you that they have told you. already with you. This confuses your memory, even if you’re sure you haven’t heard of it.
Watch out for signs of sneaky behavior
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Watch out for any confidential interactions with others. If your spouse has an emotional affair, they will try to hide the relationship. They may be away from home more because they have to go out to meet “third people”. [6] X Research Source
- You should also pay attention if they talk on the phone, text or chat online with other people without mentioning it to you. When you ask, they may sidestep by saying “nobody,” “just a friend,” or “a colleague.”
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Determine if your spouse is trying to conceal interactions with him/her. This is reflected in whether they delete call or message history in the mailbox, go somewhere to talk on the phone or never let you be present when the two of them meet. [7] X Research Sources
- Your partner may not want you to see how they treat the “mystery person” because they behave completely differently.
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Notice if the person is suddenly grooming. While your crush may not involve sex, it doesn’t mean your spouse doesn’t want to impress him or her. Usually, people who have an affair tend to dress up before going to see the other person, put on perfume or start changing their appearance to make themselves more attractive. [8] X Research Sources
- Notice if your spouse has suddenly changed in appearance. This could be because they have another romantic relationship.
- If your partner starts dressing unusually for work, the gym, or dinner with your partner, that could be a bad sign.
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Pay attention to your intuition. Usually, your intuition will tell you when something is not right in a relationship. Especially in the case when your spouse has feelings for someone else outside. If your partner starts to change words when talking about someone or you feel that the relationship is more than just friendship, your intuition may be right. [9] X Research Source
- If your feeling tells you something is going on, you need to look for other signs. Don’t just rely on your intuition for confirmation, but don’t ignore it either.
- Another sign of danger is when you advise your partner to be careful about developing close friendships with someone else, and he or she mocks and rebuts you.
Evaluate your spouse’s interaction with the other person
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Observe inappropriate behaviors or drastic changes in behavior. When people begin to have external feelings, they often have behavior that changes in an inexplicable and sudden way. These behaviors manifest in many forms. Be aware of anything too intimate or personal between your spouse and others. [10] X Research Source
- For example, your spouse may text or call him/her regularly. This usually takes place secretly at night. You should consider anything that your partner shouldn’t be doing with anyone else.
- You also need to notice changes in your partner’s habits such as staying up late, going to work earlier, spending more money, or drinking alcohol more often.
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Notice your spouse’s unusual behavior around other people. Ideological infidelity gives people an “escape” to be different or behave differently than when they were around their partner. If you catch your spouse with someone you suspect is a “third person,” observe their reaction. Consider any deviations from the way they treat you. [11] X Research Source
- For example, your spouse may feel distant from you because of life pressures such as paying bills, work and family responsibilities. When they are with other people, they can laugh, relax and have fun. However, your partner will feel anxious or uncomfortable around him in your presence.
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Listen to see if the other half suddenly says something about that person. When you develop feelings for someone else, your partner tends to compare you to that person or show disappointment in things about you that they never mentioned before. Comments may come out randomly and without malice, but they show that your partner is thinking about someone else. [12] X Research Source
- For example, the other half might say, “They find your jokes interesting,” “That person also likes the kind of movies you like,” or “They can catch up on what you have to say.” Start noticing if your partner says things like this often.
Problem solving
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Talk to your life partner. If you think your partner is having an affair, ask them. See if they are defensive, evasive, or angry. If you don’t feel comfortable asking directly, you can ask about “third person”. [13] X Research Source
- Try not to accuse the person. Instead say, “I feel like you’re spending a lot of time with that person. It’s hurting me, it’s like we’re not as close as we used to be.”
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Keep calm. During the conversation, you need to stay calm. The result will not work if both are angry. If your partner denies or admits your closeness to another person, don’t raise your voice or get angry. Instead, take a deep breath before reacting. [14] X Research Source
- If your partner denies everything, this is an opportunity to discuss relationship issues, such as how you feel your partner is distant or indifferent.
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Evaluate your doubts. First, you need to find out why you have doubts. Have they had an emotional or physical affair in the past? Do other people notice your spouse’s behavior? Does this stem from your own problems? Assessing these will help you find a solution.
- Analyze your emotions. Are you a jealous person? Do you feel insecure? Have you been cheated on in the past? Maybe these things have made you sensitive and suspicious.
- Talk to the person about how you feel. Sharing your insecurities or sad past can help both of you build a stronger future.
- You can talk to a trusted friend or family member about your doubts. Choose someone with whom your other half has no animosity, who can give you the most objective assessment. Make sure that person will not tell anyone else what you have shared as this may make your spouse feel betrayed.
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This article was co-written by Lauren Urban, LCSW. Lauren Urban is a psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York with over 13 years of experience in child, family, couple, and individual therapy. She received her master’s degree in social work from Hunter Cplege in 2006 and works with clients to help transform their circumstances and lives.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 26,570 times.
Thought infidelity is an emotional affair that arises when your spouse is close and intimate with another person on an emotional level but not sexually. Although they do not have physical relations, it is still considered an act of betraying the trust between the couple. To find out if your partner is having an emotional affair, notice if they are indifferent or stop sharing things with you, then look for suspicious texts or calls on your phone and see examine his or her sneaky behavior.
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