How to Accept Yourself

Detect when you think negative things. Once you know some of the aspects of your life that you criticize the most, it’s time to silence your “inner critic”. ^[8] Inner Criticism will tell you things like, “I don’t have an ideal body shape” or “I can’t do anything right”. Calming your inner critic will reduce the emphasis on negative self-image, thereby making room for love, forgiveness, and acceptance. To silence your inner critic, practice catching negative thoughts whenever they arise. For example, if you catch yourself thinking like, “I’m just an idiot,” ask yourself something like:

• Is this positive thinking?
• Will this way of thinking make me feel better?
• Should I tell my friends or lovers about this?
• If the answers to all of the above questions are no, you will find that your inner critic will criticize again.

Challenge your inner critic. When you notice that you have a negative mindset about yourself, challenge and soften this critical voice. Be prepared to accept opposing thoughts or ideas positively. You can apply the strengths you just discovered in the steps above. ^[9]

• For example, if you find yourself saying, “I’m so stupid,” change that mindset with a better expression: “Even though I don’t know anything about the subject, I still know what I’m talking about. another topic, and that’s normal.”
• Remind yourself of your strengths: “We’re not all great at the same thing. I know that I am proficient or specialized in another area, and I take pride in that.”
• Remind your inner critic that the negative statement is not true. “Okay, inner critique. I know you’ve said that I’m not wise, but that’s not true. I realized that I had an important and specific area of knowledge.”
• Make sure to always take a positive look at your inner critic. Remind and educate yourself as you are still learning how to change the way you think about yourself.

Focus on accepting yourself first and then improving yourself. Self-acceptance is acknowledging who you are right now. Self-improvement often focuses on the change needed to accept yourself in the future. ^[10] , ^[11] Identify some areas that you cherish at the moment. Then decide if you want to improve them in the future.

• For example, you are trying to lose weight. First, start by expressing self-acceptance about your current body weight: “Even if I want to lose weight, I’m still beautiful and comfortable as usual.” Then, align your self-improvement with positive and optimistic language. Instead of thinking, “I don’t have a perfect body, and when I lose 8kg, I will look more beautiful and comfortable,” you can say, “I want to lose 8kg to be healthier and more energetic. “.

Change your expectations of yourself. When you set unrealistic expectations for yourself, you’re setting yourself up for further disappointment. In other words, this will make it difficult for you to accept yourself. Change your expectations of yourself. ^[12]

• For example, if you say, “I’m lazy. I didn’t even clean the kitchen today,” or change your expectations by saying, “I prepared dinner for the whole family. I can ask the kids to help clean up the kitchen after breakfast tomorrow.”

Understand that you deserve to be loved. It might sound a little weird or uncomfortable to say that you build self-love because it sounds a little selfish. However, love is seen as the foundation of self-acceptance. The reason is because loving-kindness is “a sense of empathy for the pain of another with the desire to be able to alleviate it”. ^[13] You deserve such sympathy and kindness! The first step to self-love is to recognize your own worth. ^[14] It is easy and common to let the thoughts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs of others govern self-recognition. Instead of letting self-acceptance depend on someone else’s decision, decide for yourself. Learn to recognize and accept yourself without the consent of others. ^[15]

Practice affirmations every day. Affirmations are positive expressions that are supportive and uplifting. Applying this method to yourself can be an effective tool to help build self-love. ^[16] makes it easy to empathize and forgive your past self, thereby helping you to overcome guilt and regret. Daily affirmations also help gradually change your inner critic. Build love each day by confirming it in words, writings, or thoughts. Some examples of affirmations include:

• I can get through tough times; I am stronger than I thought.
• I’m not perfect and can make mistakes; and this is normal.
• I am a kind and caring child.
• Practice love. If you’re having a hard day accepting a certain part of who you are, take a moment and gently build self-love. Accept that self-criticism can be hurtful and too cruel. Remind yourself to be gentle and practice self-affirmation. ^[17]
• For example: If you think, “I don’t have an ideal body; I look a little fat,” admit that the mindset isn’t harsh on yourself: “This is negative thinking and I shouldn’t tell my friends about it. It demoralizes me and it’s not worth it.”
• Say something nice: “My body may not be perfect, but it’s my body; It’s healthy and allows me to do everything I like, like play with the kids.”

Practice forgiveness. Practicing self-forgiveness can help ease past feelings of guilt that might be preventing you from fully accepting yourself now. You can judge the past, based on unrealistic hopes. Forgiving yourself will help let go of the shame and make room for more love and acceptance of the past. At times, our inner critic may be reluctant to allow us to forgive our past selves.

• Sometimes, we treat ourselves badly by focusing only on the fault. Pay special attention to the mistake you may have made. Try to assess if there are external factors involved in the situation. Sometimes, things can be out of our control, yet, we still hold on to guilt. Consider whether the action is really out of your control and be forgiving.
• To help you practice tolerance, letter writing exercises can be a great cognitive and emotional tool to start the process. ^[18] Write a letter to your past self in a caring and loving tone. Remind your past self (inner critique) that you made a mistake. But you know that you’re not perfect, and that’s okay. Mistakes often provide us with valuable learning opportunities. Reminding yourself how you acted or what you did is all you know how to do in that moment.

Turn guilt thoughts into expressions of gratitude. Remembering that you often learn from past mistakes will help you think about the past in a positive light. Practice being grateful for what you’ve learned and accepting that making mistakes is a part of life. From there, past guilt and shame won’t stop you from accepting who you are now. Write down guilty phrases/thoughts, and turn them into expressions of gratitude. ^[19] Example:

• Negative Thoughts/Inner Criticism: I used to hate my family when I was about 20 years old. Now I’m ashamed of having behaved like that.
  • Express gratitude: I feel grateful that I learned a lesson from this act at that age, because it really helped in raising kids.
• Negative Thoughts/Inner Criticism: I broke my family up because I couldn’t give up drinking.
  • Express gratitude: I’m grateful that I can mend the relationship and try again in the future.

Always be by the side of a loving person. If you spend time with someone who denies your worth as a person, then you will have a hard time accepting yourself. When people are constantly criticizing you, it can be difficult to convince yourself that you have strengths. Spend time with those who truly support and love you. They will encourage you to accept your true self. ^[20]

Go see a specialist. A therapist can help you remove any problems that are preventing you from accepting yourself. Your doctor can help you dig deeper into your past to understand why you think that way about yourself. They can also suggest some ways to talk to yourself, like giving you some suggestions for self-affirmation, and more.