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This article was co-written by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Julia Yacoob is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. She specializes in providing cognitive behavioral therapy to adults experiencing stress in their lives. Yacoob holds a master’s and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rutgers University, has studied intensively at Weill Cornell Medical College, and trained at New York Church Hospital, Memorial Sloan Cancer Center- Kettering, Institute of Behavioral Therapy and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Women’s Mental Health League, the NYC Cognitive Behavior Therapy Association, and the Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy Association.
There are 17 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 3,617 times.
One of the biggest challenges in life is accepting yourself. While it’s not easy, being content with who you are is probably the most important thing you need to do in order to live a happy life. No matter how life treats you, you will still have the opportunity to accept yourself and learn to love for who you are.
Steps
Learn to love yourself
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Make friends with yourself. Usually we have higher expectations of ourselves than we have of others. Instead, try to treat yourself the same way you would treat your best friend. Don’t talk about yourself (to others or even your thoughts) in words that you would never say about someone you care about. [1] X Research Source
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Rejoice in your own strengths. Scientists have proven that we can live a more fulfilling life by developing and appreciating our strengths. [2] X Research Source
- Make a list of your three strengths. These can be very specific (like, “I am very good at chess”) or general (like, “I am very brave”).
- Include at least one specific example and one general example in the list.
- Stop and appreciate these traits of yourself. Say it out loud, “I’m glad I’m a brave person.”
- Think of ways to develop those strengths. If your list includes “I am very good at chess”, consider joining a tournament. If your strong point is “I’m brave,” maybe you should try rafting.
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Forgive yourself. If you are not satisfied with yourself, it may be because you feel guilty about something. Forgiving yourself is not easy, but it can be changed. To forgive yourself, perform a deliverance ritual. [3] X Research Sources
- Write a letter confessing your secret. Explain everything that you feel guilty about in great detail
- Cancel the letter. Send it into the sea or burn it.
- Say to yourself, “I leave my mistakes in the past”
- Repeat this ritual as needed.
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Be kind to yourself. A lot of people have the mindset that taking care of themselves is selfish. In fact, being kind to yourself is one of the things you need to be most responsible for. [4] X Research Source If you take better care of yourself, you will gradually feel like you deserve such care. And accordingly, you will soon feel satisfied with yourself. Here are a few helpful ideas:
- Set specific times when you don’t need to work. Allow yourself to rest. [5] X Research Sources
- Do exercise. Let the endorphins be released! When you really do your best to exercise, you should thank yourself for it.
- Get enough sleep. Don’t sacrifice this basic human need. Getting enough sleep will keep you mentally and physically healthy.
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Confirm. Affirmations are simple and positive statements about yourself. [6] X Research Source Think of such an affirmation and use a marker to write it on your bathroom mirror. Read it aloud in the morning as soon as you wake up and every time you step into the bathroom. It may feel silly at first! These feelings will pass and at some point it will help you feel good about being yourself. Below are a few examples:
- I am a talented writer.
- I am a strong person.
- I love you, ____ (insert your name).
Discover yourseft
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Explore your unique interests. Those are the things that make someone feel excited, attractive, and confident. Start your journey of self-acceptance by making a list of the things you enjoy. Try not to let anyone’s opinion sway this list. [7] X Research Sources
- What kind of music do you like?
- What kind of food do you like?
- What color do you like?
- What kind of clothes do you like?
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Form your own style. In order to be satisfied with yourself, you must conform to and develop an image of “yourself”. Review the ghost hobby list you created and work with it. [8] X Research Sources
- Combine outfits like the ones you saw in the magazine.
- Download some music by your favorite artists.
- Order food from your favorite restaurant.
- Every day try to do at least one thing that belongs to you alone.
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Expand your understanding. You have only discovered a small part of the exciting things that life can bring to you! Expand your interests by finding new things to care about and new ways to express yourself. [9] X Research Source
- Travel in a new land.
- Try a style of fashion, food or music that you have never tried before.
- Try to do a new activity every week.
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Express yourself. Harnessing your creative side will help you connect with yourself. Finding a path that works for you will help you connect with yourself and with others, heal wounds, or simply have more fun. The only person you need to reveal is yourself! [10] X Research Source Sometimes this will help you accept yourself.
- Write diary.
- Learn to jump.
- Cut and paste pictures.
- Do these activities once or twice a week.
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Understand your core values. Sit down and make a list of your five core values. Do you believe in integrity or honesty? Honest or kind? Bold or stylish? By honing your core values, you will gain a better understanding of what you need to be satisfied with yourself and what you need in a friend. [11] X Research Source
Open to everyone
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Look at the people around you. If the people around you are negative and judgmental, it can make it hard for you to accept yourself. [12] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source Find people who support you who are happy with themselves. Minimize your time with people who are constantly complaining or the source of unnecessary trouble. [13] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
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Create a support system. Building a support network is essential to helping you feel good about yourself. [14] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source This can be a formal network, like a support group led by a therapist or a group of friends. [15] X Research Source By empathizing with others, you will also improve your ability to empathize with yourself.
- Attend a get-together or organize a get-together where friends can meet and support each other.
- Do it at least once a month.
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Treat others well. Scientists have proven that when we treat others well, we not only feel happy, we can actually prolong our life! Being kind to others will help you be satisfied with yourself. [16] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source Try to be nice to others without expecting anything in return and you’ll soon become more satisfied with yourself.
- Compliment the cashier’s coat.
- Give up your seat on the bus.
- Spend time volunteering at a loving kitchen.
- Acts of kindness can be big or small, it’s up to you.
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Practice gratitude. Whenever you feel a lack of confidence, change your train of thought and focus instead on your gratitude. Make a list of five things you are grateful for in that moment. Take the time to focus on each of these: How does it feel to have them in your life? [17] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Think of a body feature that you like. Is your hair beautiful?
- Think about one side of your qualities. Do you study well?
- Think of a person in your life. Are you close to your mother?
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Towards acceptance. When we are not satisfied with ourselves, we are often also dissatisfied with others. [18] X Research Sources The opposite is also true. If you stop judging and try to accept others, you will soon start accepting yourself. If you find yourself making judgments about other people’s actions, choices, or identities, ignore that. Remind yourself that it’s none of your business.
Advice
- Read self-improvement books (self-books) for more information on self-development or self-esteem issues.
- Try to communicate more with the people you meet every day. You will feel better about yourself and others will see you as a completely normal person.
- Buy a notebook! Most of the steps outlined above involve making lists or writing. Start a new notebook to document your journey towards self-love.
- First, learn to love yourself! It is very difficult for others to like you when you yourself are disgusted with your personality and characteristics.
Warning
- Don’t be overconfident or arrogant and expect that you will be satisfied with yourself.
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This article was co-written by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Julia Yacoob is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. She specializes in providing cognitive behavioral therapy to adults experiencing stress in their lives. Yacoob holds a master’s and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rutgers University, has studied intensively at Weill Cornell Medical College, and trained at New York Church Hospital, Memorial Sloan Cancer Center- Kettering, Institute of Behavioral Therapy and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Women’s Mental Health League, the NYC Cognitive Behavior Therapy Association, and the Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy Association.
There are 17 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 3,617 times.
One of the biggest challenges in life is accepting yourself. While it’s not easy, being content with who you are is probably the most important thing you need to do in order to live a happy life. No matter how life treats you, you will still have the opportunity to accept yourself and learn to love for who you are.
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