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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 7,895 times.
Talking to a dying person is never easy. The most important thing is that you need to provide your love and presence instead of worrying about how to fill the silence or to present the perfect statement. While spending time with that person can be quite challenging, the act can even provide a time for both of you to enjoy the shared sincerity, joy, and love.
Steps
Understanding What Should Be Said
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Honest and fair. You don’t have to pretend like your loved one is healthy, or even act like things are getting brighter when they aren’t. That person will appreciate your honesty and openness and won’t want you to act like everything is fine. However, you still need to treat your loved one with kindness and make sure you are considerate of his or her needs. You may not know what to say, but in this moment remember to tell your loved one as much as possible that makes them feel better.
- Some individuals and cultures are often uncomfortable talking about death. If someone you love is one of them, you should avoid discussing this topic. [1] X Research Source
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Ask if you can help them. Another thing you can do when talking to your loved one is to ask what you can do to help them. This could mean running errands, making phone calls on their behalf, or even picking up snacks for them. Perhaps the person wants you to give them a hand massage or simply wants to listen to a joke; You shouldn’t hesitate to ask about what you can do to ease their pain. The person will think they will bother you if they ask you for help, so you should ask first. If the person really doesn’t need your help, you should accept this and move on.
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Encourage them to chat if they want to. Someone you love will want to revisit old memories and will want to share a story or an idea with you. You just have to be there for them and let them know that you care about what they have to say. If they are not able to think clearly or have forgotten what they want to say, you can help them. Encourage the person by making eye contact with them and asking appropriate questions after they speak. [2] X American Cancer Society Trusted Source Go to Source
- If the person is getting themselves excited by talking, you can tell them to slow down or take a break. But in general, the person has the right to talk, so you should allow them to be the leader of the story.
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Don’t bring up painful topics. While you need to be honest and open with the dying person, you can also hide some elements if necessary. Sometimes, being too honest will only make the dying person feel your pain and feel out of control because there’s nothing they can do to stop it. For example, if your mom asks you if you and your brother still have a grudge, it’s best to say that you’re both healing even if you’re just starting to work on it. this; In this case, giving the other person some reassurance is better than telling them the hard truth.
- When you look back on these innocent lies, you won’t feel any regret. However, you may regret being so honest a moment when you could have made it better with a harmless lie.
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Be aware of suggestions during the conversation from the other side. You might think that when someone is dying, everything has to be dignified, but your loved one may not think so. Maybe they just want to spend their last days laughing, chatting about college football, or retelling funny stories from the old days. If you’re trying to make things more serious, the person will want you to change the subject from time to time to lighten the mood. You are completely allowed to joke, tell funny stories that happened to you in the morning, or ask the person if they want to watch a comedy. Improving your mood can bring joy to a stressful situation. [3] X Research Sources
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Don’t stop talking even if the person doesn’t respond. Hearing will often be the last organ to stop working when the person dies. You may think it is useless to communicate with someone who is comatose or resting, but they will hear everything you say very clearly. Just the sound of your voice is enough to bring them peace and comfort. Say whatever you think, even if you’re not sure if they can hear it. Your words can make all the difference, even if the person you’re talking to doesn’t answer you right away or can’t hear you. [4] X Research Sources
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Know what to say if the person is hallucinating. If someone you love is living their last moments, they may be experiencing drug-induced hallucinations or feeling disoriented. In this case, there are two things that you can do. If the person is seeing something rather unpleasant and is scared or hurt by it, you can gently coax them back into reality by saying it’s not real; but if the person notices something that makes them happy, there’s no reason for you to tell them they’re just hallucinating; Allow them to enjoy themselves. [5] X Research Sources
Know What Should Do
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Don’t force yourself to say perfect things. Many people feel that they need to say the right thing and show love to the dying person to bring them peace. While this is a pretty nice thought, if you take the time to try to form the perfect word, you may end up missing a precious moment. You should talk without being too shy, and make it clear to the person how much you love and care for them.
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Listen. You might think that the best thing you can do for a dying person is to say something that will put them at ease, but actually, sometimes, the best thing is to listen to them. . Your loved one may want to reminisce about the past, share their thoughts on the last day of their life, or even laugh at a recent event. You don’t have to interrupt them or present your wisdom or thoughts. You just need to look them in the eye, hold their hand, or devote yourself mentally and physically to them. [6] X Trusted Source Cancer Research UK Go to Source
- Make eye contact or hold the person’s hand while they talk. You don’t have to talk too much to show them that you’re listening.
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Live in every moment. You’re probably worried about whether this will be the last time you’ll be able to talk to that person, if this will be the last time that person calls you by the name “cow”, or if you’ll be able to continue. laugh with that person. While this is normal, you can hold onto these thoughts until the end of the visit so you can focus on the present, enjoy every moment with the person, and not let Anxiety prevents you from giving your full attention to the person. [7] X Research Sources
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Sometimes, you should try to hold back the tears. While you will be overwhelmed by grief, regret, or even anger, you should not show this side of you to a dying person. While you shouldn’t lie and act like you fully accept what’s going on, you shouldn’t talk to the person with puffy eyes and a sad spirit every time you meet the person, or otherwise, you will only upset them more. You should find a way to bring joy and optimism to that person whenever possible. Your loved one has enough to worry about, and constantly trying to comfort you about their impending death won’t be what they want.
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You should remember that actions speak louder than words. While it’s essential to talk to the person and be there to listen to them, it’s also important to remember that the most important thing is that your actions demonstrate how much you care for that person. This means that you should visit the person as often as possible and check on them every time you are unable to visit. It’s watching a movie, reviewing photo albums, playing cards, or doing whatever you both used to love doing together. In addition, it is also present every time you say that you will come and show your love in every action that you do. [8] X Research Sources
Understanding What To Avoid
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Don’t wait until the last minute. Maybe you have complicated feelings for the dying person, and your relationship is not really good. However, it’s best to talk to the person before it’s too late. When the person you care about is dying, even if you are in a difficult relationship with that person, this is not the time for you to try to “balance the score” or “make it clear.” , but that’s when you need to be there for them. If you wait too long to start talking to that person, you are missing out on your opportunity.
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Remember to say “I love you”. When you have mixed feelings towards the dying person, you can forget this important word. Even if you haven’t shown them to the person before or you haven’t used them in years, you should try to reveal them while you are still able to spend meaningful time with the person. You’ll regret it if you can’t find the right time to say this. Stop looking for the perfect moment and just be honest with your feelings.
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Tell the person what they mean to you. You should talk about a favorite memory or the strength you’ve built with them. This can be emotional, but the person will definitely want to know about it.
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No false guarantees should be provided. You will want to tell the dying person that everything will be okay. The person is definitely aware of his or her physical condition and will appreciate it when you try to help them without embellishing the truth. You should focus on being there for the person instead of giving them false hope when the last moment is very near. [9] X Research Source
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Tell them about the good news. Your loved one still cares about you and wants to know about your life. Sharing the good things in life with the dying person will help them feel happy to be a part of your life. Moreover, if the person will soon leave this life, they will feel more relieved knowing that you are experiencing many good things in life. [10] X Research Source
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Avoid saying meaningless sentences. Although there are times when you won’t know what to say, you should try to avoid saying things like, “Everything is in God’s will,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” Unless the person is religious or they also use the word, this statement can irritate them. It will even sound like the person deserves to go and suffer for some reason and there is no reason for them to fight or feel angry. Therefore, you should focus on enjoying the moment with that person instead of trying to come up with reasons why that person is in this situation.
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Avoid providing advice. If your loved one has only a few days or months to live, this is not the right time to voluntarily give them medical advice. The person may have tried all the options and considered all the options, and this conversation will only leave them feeling frustrated, hurt, and rather rude. At this point, the person just wants to be at peace. Giving other health advice will only stress or frustrate them.
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Don’t force the person to talk. If they’re really tired and just want to enjoy your presence, don’t force them to talk. This is completely different from trying to cheer up a sad friend, and your loved one may be feeling physically and emotionally drained. While you’ll want to build up the conversation or think it’s better to talk than be silent, you should allow the person to decide whether or not to talk. You don’t want them to have to expend too much energy in the process. [11] X Research Source
Advice
- Be gentle and empathetic but not sentimental.
- Discuss the illness and medical treatment if the dying person wishes. Their lives will be centered around these factors, and they may be their primary concern.
- You may possess strong views on the afterlife, resurrection, reincarnation, the existence of gods, religion, etc. You should not talk about them unless you know well that the dying person also shares the virtues. beliefs like you, and most importantly, don’t try to force them on them . Don’t make yourself the focus.
X
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 7,895 times.
Talking to a dying person is never easy. The most important thing is that you need to provide your love and presence instead of worrying about how to fill the silence or to present the perfect statement. While spending time with that person can be quite challenging, the act can even provide a time for both of you to enjoy the shared sincerity, joy, and love.
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