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This article was co-written by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker in Missouri. She received her MSW degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,538 times.
Trust is an important foundation for a happy marriage. Lying between husband and wife can make their relationship more strained, and complicate family life. There are quite a few different behaviors you should watch out for when you’re trying to determine if your spouse is lying to you – whether it’s about the big or the small. [1] X Research Sources[2] X Research Sources
Steps
Looking for Physical Behavior
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Observe excessive blinking. This action happens when you start asking your partner about an uncomfortable topic. If you are talking to your spouse about something they are lying about, they may start to panic. Occasionally, the person who is lying will also minimize blinking during the presentation of his lie and increase it immediately afterwards. [3] X Research Sources[4] X Research Sources
- Frequent blinking is a common reflex in this situation.
- For example, you could ask your spouse the question, “Did you send your mother a plane ticket to visit this holiday?”. Maybe your crush lied about having a pretty good relationship with your mom and didn’t send the ticket. So the person will probably blink more during the conversation.
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Look at the eyes. If your spouse avoids or tries to make eye contact with you, he or she may be lying about the current topic or discussion. Liars often avoid making eye contact, but at the same time, they also try to correct this by establishing eye contact for an extended period of time. You should use this behavior as a benchmark and combine it with other actions. [5] X Research Sources
- You can ask the person, “Did you lose the trophy that you won in high school?”. The person may say no while avoiding your gaze, but at the same time stare you in the eye when denying this.
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Watch to see if your spouse does excessive scratching. Suddenly scratching too much during a conversation could be a sign that your spouse is lying. Sometimes, this is the behavior that represents an increase in stress levels. He or she will scratch at many places on the body. [6] X Research Sources
- For example, you could ask the person a question like, “Are you going to drink again?”. He will scratch his head and deny.
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Observe your spouse’s restlessness. This is a common sign of lying. Your spouse will not be fidgeting, moving his feet, touching his face, or playing with things he or she is wearing. He or she may also suddenly stand/sit still. [7] X Research Sources[8] X Research Sources
- For example, you could ask your crush, “Do you spend your salary on the casino again?”. And he changed his seat while denying this.
- Another example is when you ask your spouse, “Would you like to have dinner with me today?”. And he agrees but won’t do this – while answering you, he is playing with some jewelry on his body.
- If your spouse is focusing on their lies, they will need more energy than telling the truth, and this may cause them to pause their movements. [9] X Research Source
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Catch a glimpse of your spouse’s swallowing behavior. If he is swallowing saliva or drinking too much water, he is lying. Changes in saliva production are biological responses to lying. This change can be too much and result in the person swallowing too much, or too little, causing the person to drink more water. [10] X Research Source
- For example, when you ask your spouse a question like “So, your new boss makes you work late again?”. The person may swallow several times or suddenly drink water when denying this.
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Observe the combination of all signs. [11] X Research Source Performing one of these behaviors doesn’t mean your spouse is lying. [12] X Research Source You can’t assume that your crush is lying just because he or she took a sip of water when you asked them a difficult question – perhaps they were really thirsty. Instead, you should watch for a combination of every sign. If the person is fidgeting and avoids making eye contact with you, and you also notice some hints in their words, they will show more insincerity than just a specific behavior. [13] X Research Source
Using Sign Language
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Look for inconsistencies. This is the most common linguistic method of letting you know that your spouse is lying. You should try to use your own logical thinking. If the person hears a sudden noise, they will look to the source of the noise. So if the person says that he just ran away without looking in that direction – the person you love is lying. This can be quite difficult if you don’t know all the information relevant to the situation your spouse is describing. [14] X Research Source
- For example, if you ask your husband/wife, “After sending the kids to school, will you go home right away?”. He or she will probably answer yes. Then you notice that the mileage indicator on the vehicle’s odometer doubles as usual, when the vehicle is not being used again. This is the point of contradiction.
- A conflict in another language might be when you ask your spouse, “Did you buy tickets to the concert today?”. The person said yes, but you know for sure he couldn’t buy the ticket because you read that the ticket was sold out.
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Ask a surprise question. Another name for this measure is “caught in the act”. This measure can be quite helpful if you suspect that your spouse has lied to you many times. You want to expose the person by asking him or her about something that is not possible or to embarrass him or her for lying in the present moment. [15] X Research Source
- For example, your spouse constantly hides from you about their bad investments and lies about them. You can ask the person like “Let’s go to the bank together and ask the banker to give us all the specific personal income tax return details”.
- Another example is when your spouse often lies about going out with friends late at night, you could tell him or her, “I bought a ticket so we could go to the movies tonight.”
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Find out details. Pay attention if your spouse is giving you too many details or is talking in a roundabout way. If your loved one is in an uncomfortable situation, or feels guilty, he or she will try to think of ways to get out of the situation. A lying spouse won’t stop rambling about what they’ve done, where they’ve been, and who they’ve been with if they’re working hard on their lie to hide the truth. . [16] X Research Source
- For example, perhaps you’re wondering why your partner is 3 hours late for a dinner date and he or she responds to you like, “I’m driving at rush hour, and there’s an old lady walking crossing the road, an ambulance trying to pass you, a construction blockhouse blocking the road, and a traffic jam on the bridge…”.
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Look for instability in speech. This can be expressed through hesitation in tone of voice. This is a sign of anxiety when your spouse lies. If the person hesitates a lot, it means they are lying. [17] X Research Source[18] X Research Source
- An example of this might be in a situation where you wonder where your spouse has been all day and he or she lies to you with a faltering response like “Oh, you…um…were.” go… Um… go out with Chau”.
- Speech with a lot of hesitation or stammer will show that the person is lying because lying requires more mental energy than telling the truth. [19] X Research Sources This is especially true if you ask the person more complex questions – it will take time for him or her to develop an answer that matches his story. [20] X Research Sources
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Talk to witnesses. One way to catch your spouse lying is to find someone to refute what he or she says. You need to be careful with this method as witnesses are also likely to lie or give incorrect information. Your best bet is to talk to a few witnesses to find a more consistent answer. If you just ask to see a coworker, he or she may say your spouse was there – but may also cover for your partner. However, if you consult with two or more co-workers and everyone says your spouse has been there, this may be true.
- For example, you want to know if your spouse is at work during business hours as they say. You can ask a few witnesses, in this case, your spouse’s co-worker, to find out if your crush is telling the truth.
- If two or more witnesses claim that your spouse is lying, you will be able to determine better.
Advice
- Seek advice from a counselor to resolve more complex disputes between you and your spouse.
Warning
- Lying can create feelings of suspicion, isolation, and lead to divorce.
- Arguing in front of young children hurts them emotionally.
- There is no single measure that will help you identify a lie accurately – even if you use a “lie detector”.
- Witness statements are often quite contradictory.
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This article was co-written by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker in Missouri. She received her MSW degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,538 times.
Trust is an important foundation for a happy marriage. Lying between husband and wife can make their relationship more strained, and complicate family life. There are quite a few different behaviors you should watch out for when you’re trying to determine if your spouse is lying to you – whether it’s about the big or the small. [1] X Research Sources[2] X Research Sources
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