Conflicting signals from the boy of his dreams

When you get conflicting signals from the guy you like, it can be frustrating and confusing – does he really want to be with you? Conflicting signals often come from guys who aren’t confident or lack communication skills, but sometimes it’s his way of keeping his distance from you. We’ll show you how to decode these confusing signals and guide you on what to do when a guy sends you conflicting signals.

Table of Contents

He treats you hot and cold.

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He was passionate one minute, and the next minute he was cold. He can tell you passionate words of love, but then he is silent for a few days. He flirts with you, flatters you to the clouds, but then he doesn’t invite you out again. When a guy behaves like this, he’s probably either trying to slow things down or using a trick to get you to chase him. You can handle his hot and cold behavior by: ^{[1] X Research Source}

If you haven’t known each other for long, you should give him time and space. Wait for him to contact you again, and in the meantime focus on yourself. By not playing his game, you’re showing him that you know your worth and don’t tolerate apathy.
If you’ve been dating for a while, let him know how his behavior makes you feel and what behavior you’d like him to do. For example, “I feel hurt and confused when you are so distant. Can we talk and schedule some time to meet so that we can bond more?” ^{[2] X Research Source}

He rarely texts you and only responds with terse texts.

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Don’t jump to conclusions when a guy sends confusing signals over text messages. He might send a text like “How are you?” then he doesn’t respond when you reply, or he clicks like on all your social media posts but doesn’t respond to your messages. Waiting isn’t easy, but understand that it’s normal for many guys to be a couple of hours late in response, as long as he responds during the day. ^{[3] X Research Source} But if he’s constantly being lazy, here’s what you can do:

If you’re not familiar with him, keep an eye on his texting patterns for a few days. See if he usually talks to you first – that’s a good sign that he really likes you!
If the guy ignores you or leaves you read messages more than twice, it’s best to break up with him. ^{[4] X Research Sources}
If you’re dating, let him know that you like the two of you communicating regularly. You could say, “I hope you and I text each other once a day. How do you feel?”

He doesn’t get back in touch after a date.

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If the guy doesn’t get back in touch after the date, he’s probably busy or just not interested. You two have had a great date or two and seem to get along well, but then after a fun outing, you don’t see the guy anymore. This kind of early afternoon love can leave you confused as to what is going on! Here’s how to decode this classically contradictory signal: ^{[5] X Research Source}

If you don’t want to text first, wait up to 3 days after the date to see if he texts. There are guys who still hold on to the old notion of having to wait a certain amount of time before going on a second date. ^{[6] X Research Sources}
Contact him and take the initiative to talk. Reconnect the story by mentioning something from the last date and suggesting to go out again. You can send a text like, “You know what, I still can’t believe you beat me at foosball the other day. Shall I play again?”

He cancels his appointments with you.

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Notice how he compensates you after canceling plans with you. It’s certainly not fun when someone cancels their date, but if he’s sincerely apologized and rescheduled, he probably has a good reason. On the other hand, you should be aware if he doesn’t reschedule or if this behavior becomes his habit. ^{[7] X Research Source} Here’s how to deal with it:

Set boundaries on what you accept or disagree with in dating. ^{[8] X Research Sources}
Ask yourself, “If this goes on for a year, will I be able to handle it?” If the answer is “no”, you should handle the situation. ^{[9] X Research Source}
Affirm your boundaries by letting him know what you value instead of blaming him.
For example, you could say, “If you can keep your appointment, I’ll be very happy. That way I will know when to see you because the time we meet is very precious to me.”

He is no longer interested in planning dates.

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Sometimes it’s normal for date nights to change. After getting to know each other for a while, couples can start watching movies at home or ordering food to take home instead of going out to play. Yes, you may be confused when a guy is no longer thinking about romantic dates, but that doesn’t mean he’s lost interest. You can tell him what you mean by: ^{[10] X Research Sources}

If the two of you are just dating and you notice that he just likes “Netflix and chill” instead of going out, it’s possible that the guy doesn’t want a long-term commitment. It is even more suspicious if the conversations between two people are often quite superficial or just revolve around “sex”. ^{[11] X Research Source}
If you’ve been dating him for a while, try rekindling the romantic feelings you had when you first fell in love. Invite your boyfriend to try a new hobby with you, try a new restaurant, or create a romantic atmosphere on your upcoming date night with candlelight and music. ^{[12] X Research Source}

He doesn’t want to define the relationship.

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Couples usually go public after 3 months of dating. Affirmative relationship means two people are willing to commit to each other (and often also means not sharing feelings with others). ^{[13] X Research Sources} So you might feel frustrated when the guy says he’s “not ready” or doesn’t want to define a relationship with you. In fact, studies show that identifying relationships helps couples bond more. ^{[14] X Research Source} If your guy refuses to do this, take a deep breath to clear his mind. You have many options:

Give him time and focus on building trust. Some people with past problems often hesitate to commit because they need more time to get over it. ^{[15] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}
Talk openly with him about what you want. Maybe he doesn’t know if you want to define a unique and lasting relationship. Try saying, “I want us to have a formal relationship. How do you feel?”
Break up if the two of you can’t agree. Sometimes couples can’t stay together because each person has different expectations. If you can’t find common ground, remember that there are people out there who are just right for you.

He gets jealous easily but still doesn’t want an official relationship.

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Beware of jealous guys who don’t want to commit. It’s a sign of immaturity when a guy who doesn’t want to define the relationship gets jealous when you talk to other guys. Relationships require equal contributions from both sides, so the jealousy of a guy who won’t commit is a manifestation of double standards. Here are some tips for you: ^{[16] X Research Sources}

Break up if he’s jealous of your friends. Healthy friendships are normal and good things in life that you should maintain.
Leave the relationship if his jealousy goes too far, leading to domineering or accusatory behaviors.

He avoids talking about his feelings.

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Deep and happy relationships are based on emotional connection. When your guy doesn’t open up, you can feel distant and confusing. ^{[17] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source} Everyone is at a different pace, so it may just take him a while before he finds a sense of security and comfort to show his easy side. his injury. In the meantime, you can do the following: ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Try encouraging him to talk by saying, “If you ever want to talk, I’m here.”
Build trust by expressing how much you appreciate him. For example, you could say, “I’m so lucky to have you, I’m so thankful that you’re with me today.”
Show him your weak side and share your feelings with him. You could say something like, “Something happened at work today that made me so tired. I wanted to ask you what I should do.”

He promised to be with you but he didn’t.

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He pretends to be devoted to you but suddenly turns away when he’s in trouble. Breaking promises and lack of emotional support are signs that he doesn’t really care about you. On the other hand, this also means that this guy is not mature enough to know how much time and energy he can really give his lover. ^{[19] X Research Source} Since emotional recognition and consistency are important factors in a romantic relationship, you can handle this conflicting signal as follows: ^{[20] X Research Source}

Tell your lover how you feel when he doesn’t keep your promises and wishes. ^{[21] X Research Source}
Stay away from guys on your first date who have been pouring honey into your ears with compliments and promises. This is what’s known as “love bombardment,” a trick narcissists often use to gain your trust. ^{[22] X Research Source}

He says he loves you but still talks to his ex.

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It’s not necessarily a bad thing if a guy is still friends with his ex. However, if his behavior makes you feel uncomfortable or insecure, you can speak up. ^{[23] X Research Source} For example, you have a right to be upset when your boyfriend turns to his ex for emotional connection, as this could be a sign that your guy hasn’t broken up with his ex. . Remaining emotions can make it hard for him to let go of the past and truly connect with you. ^{[24] X Research Source} Try the following if he talks to his ex a lot:

Think about how you feel about your relationship with him. Feelings of jealousy are often made worse when you already feel insecure or uncertain about your relationship. ^{[25] X Research Sources}
Let him know what’s bothering you. Try saying something like, “I get a little nervous when you talk to your ex. Can you talk to me about this?”

He doesn’t cuddle you in the presence of other people.

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Maybe he doesn’t like cuddling in public or is hiding his relationship with you. If he doesn’t want to kiss or hold your hand in public, he’s probably shy or he grew up in a culture where public gestures are unacceptable. ^{[26] X Research Source} This is nothing to worry about, unless he’s also not getting intimate with you in private. ^{[27] X Research Source} In either case, you should also examine what is behind his hot and cold behavior. Try this way:

Simply put: “I see you don’t like holding my hand in the presence of other people. So how do you feel comfortable?”
Ask him before you try touching him in public. For example, you could ask, “Can I kiss you now, or later?”

He doesn’t want to have sex.

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Low sex drive can be due to many reasons unrelated to your relationship. You may feel rejected when he doesn’t want to have sex, but it may not be your fault. When a guy loses interest in sex, it could be because he’s stressed or has low testosterone, or it could just be that he has a naturally low sex drive. Since lack of desire doesn’t equate to lack of attractiveness, you can handle it like this: ^{[28] X Research Source}

Wait for him to take the initiative to initiate sex and avoid criticism or blame. ^{[29] X Research Sources}
Get close to him in other ways like kissing or stroking.

Steps