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This article was co-written by Susannah Kerwin, ANP-BC, HNP. Susannah Kerwin is a registered nurse practitioner in New York City, New York. With over 10 years of experience, Susannah specializes in adult primary care, holistic medicine and women’s health. Susannah holds a bachelor’s degree from the University of San Francisco. She earned a master’s degree in nursing from New York University’s dual degree program, which combines complementary and allopathic medicine. Before becoming a nurse practitioner, Susannah spent more than 10 years as a nurse in the psychiatric and surgical departments. Susannah is also a visiting lecturer at New York University.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 62,102 times.
If you lack sexual desire, it can be difficult to actively arouse or enjoy sexual pleasure. Fortunately, you can rekindle the flame of love in your bedroom with patience, planning, and understanding with your partner. Building strong bonds by spending free time with your partner is a great place to start. Certain dietary changes, such as zinc supplements, can also help boost your sex drive. Talking to your doctor about treatment, if any, can also help.
Steps
Lifestyle adjustment
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Spend a good time with your partner. Pick one evening during the week to go out as a couple on a date. You can also go to the gym together or go outside to exercise a bit. Eat and drink together whenever possible. The more attached you are to your partner, the easier it will be to increase your sex drive. [1] X Research Source
- Don’t just stick to the usual dinner dates. Come up with unique dates with your partner and try out new activities.
- Try to find something fun for both of you to laugh at! Fun moments shared between the two of you can help you naturally get interested.
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Share housework. If a person has to do all the cleaning, cooking and household chores for the whole family, that person will be very tired. Sharing housework is a way for both of you to relax and feel loved. This also creates a spirit of “teamwork” and “cooperation” that can extend to the bedroom. [2] X Research Source
- For example, you can cook and clean with your partner while preparing meals. Couples should also share the responsibility of looking after the children.
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Focus your thoughts on your partner in 15-20 minute meditation sessions each day. Find a quiet area where you can sit without being disturbed. Close your eyes and focus on breathing in and out steadily. Next, picture the person in your mind. Pay attention to the senses you perceive, such as their sight, voice, and scent. [3] X Research Sources
- Maintain positive thoughts during daily meditation sessions. Visualize your partner smiling instead of a picture of them getting angry.
- Expand your visualization by thinking about your partner’s favorite spots or memorable moments between the two of you. For example, remember what you did on your last wedding anniversary.
- You can invite that person to meditate with you. It will bring the two of you closer together.
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Exercise at least 3 days a week. Alternate cardio and resistance training during the week, trying to do 3 sessions per week of 45 minutes each. Boxing, jogging or jumping rope are all very effective cardio exercises. Exercising a few hours before bed can also help you feel more energized. [4] X Research Sources
- Physical activity can increase your sex drive by increasing blood flow throughout the body, including to the sex organs. It also helps you feel more comfortable and confident with your body, so you will be more satisfied in your sex life.
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Practice restorative yoga and deep breathing to reduce stress hormones called cortisp. This hormone is part of the “fight or flight” reflex that can make you feel less desirable. [5] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to the source This shows that you can boost your sex drive by exercising to lower your stress hormone levels.
- Practice yoga or deep breathing daily or several times per week to see results.
- In addition to reducing stress hormone levels, the relaxing feeling it brings can also help you open up to sexual activity.
Change your sex life
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Talk to your partner about sexual needs. This is especially important if your sex drive doesn’t match your partner’s. Two people can have a frank conversation about how close they are; expressing other sexual desires, such as trying out new ideas in the bedroom; discuss gestures that are perceived as sexually active or not. [6] X Research Sources
- For example, your partner might view hugging as a sexual act. If you think it’s just a romantic gesture, this can lead to mixed signals and confusion between the two parties.
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Schedule “love”. It doesn’t sound as romantic as random love affairs, but it’s actually quite effective. Depending on your schedule, set aside a few times a week when you two have some alone time together. Especially for women, pre-arranged cuddling times often lead to more sexual interest. [7] X Research Sources
- While scheduling love also means creating a regular routine, the two of you can still get creative in the bedroom to spice up the routine.
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Full body massage for each other. This is a way for couples to slowly enjoy their time together and get inspired before getting close. Get your massage oil ready, dim the lights, turn on soothing music, and spend half an hour massaging each other. Massage the whole body and press gently if needed. This not only helps blood circulation, but also helps both relax and will bring more wonderful sex. [8] X Research Sources
- Don’t worry that you don’t know how to get a massage. Just ask your partner during the massage and you can’t go wrong. You can ask “Is it okay like this?”
- You can also go online to watch professional massage videos, and even take a massage class if you want to improve your skills.
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Take 15 minutes for the foreplay before jumping in. Desire is not simply a switch that you can switch on and off at will. Spend plenty of time hugging and stroking each other to increase excitement. When cuddling, try to focus only on your partner and forget about everything else in everyday life. [9] X Research Source
- Foreplay can also help prepare your body for love and will be more sublimated when it’s actually “in battle”.
Adjust your diet
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Eat lots of fresh food. Unfortunately, the rumor that there is a diet that boosts libido is just a myth. However, a diet rich in fresh fruits and vegetables will provide you with plenty of antioxidants and nutrients that can help with your sex life. Bananas provide B vitamins that help increase energy. Avocados contain fpic acid which enhances blood circulation. [10] X Research Source
- Tomatoes, broccoli, and berries are all great choices. Colorful fruits and vegetables are often associated with increased libido and overall health.
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Eat foods rich in zinc. Zinc is an important mineral for women’s reproductive health and men’s semen. You can get zinc from your diet with foods like oysters, lamb, beef, and spinach. You can also talk to your doctor about zinc or vitamin supplements to add to your diet. [11] X Research Source
- Zinc also helps the body produce and maintain levels of testosterone, a hormone that boosts sex drive.
- Women should consume about 8 mg of zinc per day. This dose is increased to 11 mg/day for men.
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Reduce alcohol consumption. While it’s okay to have a few glasses of wine every once in a while, if you binge drink every week, your libido will drop. Try replacing alcohol with healthier drinks, such as water with a few drops of lemon. Alcohol reduces blood circulation making it difficult for you to have sex. [12] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
Get expert help
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Talk to your doctor. Schedule an appointment with your doctor to check on your overall health and be prepared to talk to your doctor about your problems. Your doctor will give you a thorough exam and may order additional tests, such as blood tests, depending on what you say. They may ask what medications you’re taking to see if any have side effects of decreased libido. [13] X Research Source
- For example, antidepressants or treatment for anxiety disorders can affect hormones and sex drive. Sometimes a change in medication can make a big difference.
- You may be suffering from undiagnosed mild depression or anxiety that is affecting your mood.
- Endocrine problems can cause hormonal changes. Vasomotor disorders can reduce blood flow to the genitals. Even sleep problems can dampen your libido.
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Treatment of diseases that cause pain during sex. If you have pain during intercourse, it’s time to see your doctor for a complete checkup. For men, pain can be a sign of an infection, such as a urinary tract infection. For women, pain can indicate common problems, such as vaginal dryness. When you no longer feel the pain of intimacy, your desire may increase. [14] X Research Source
- Pay attention to the pattern of pain during sex so you can accurately describe it to your doctor. Notice whether the pain is sharp, dull, persistent, or transient.
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Talk to a sex therapist. They are consultants for people who need help with sexual problems. Be open and honest with your therapist, as he or she can dig into your past to see how to boost your libido. Diminished interest can be due to age, problems in your relationship, even religious beliefs. [15] X Research Source
- Find a good therapist near you. If you’re in the US, you can go to websites like the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists and enter your information into the “Locate a Professional” search box. [16] X Research Source
Read books to improve your sex life with your partner. The two of you might learn new ideas to put in the bedroom. Books and articles can also give you exercises to build a bond between you and your partner. The two of you can read books together to gain more experience. [17] X Research Source
- Go online to find books on how to improve your sex life. You can also find blogs written on this topic.
Advice
- Be patient with the changes you make. It can take months for you to get back to the level of sexual desire you’re satisfied with.
- To be on the safe side, you should avoid eating hormone-treated meat if you have a hormone-related problem.
Warning
- Abuse of alcohol or drugs can negatively affect your sex drive and harm your overall health. If you feel you have a substance abuse problem, see your doctor for help with treatment.
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This article was co-written by Susannah Kerwin, ANP-BC, HNP. Susannah Kerwin is a registered nurse practitioner in New York City, New York. With over 10 years of experience, Susannah specializes in adult primary care, holistic medicine and women’s health. Susannah holds a bachelor’s degree from the University of San Francisco. She earned a master’s degree in nursing from New York University’s dual degree program, which combines complementary and allopathic medicine. Before becoming a nurse practitioner, Susannah spent more than 10 years as a nurse in the psychiatric and surgical departments. Susannah is also a visiting lecturer at New York University.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 62,102 times.
If you lack sexual desire, it can be difficult to actively arouse or enjoy sexual pleasure. Fortunately, you can rekindle the flame of love in your bedroom with patience, planning, and understanding with your partner. Building strong bonds by spending free time with your partner is a great place to start. Certain dietary changes, such as zinc supplements, can also help boost your sex drive. Talking to your doctor about treatment, if any, can also help.
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