How to Be Less Judgment

Positive thinking . A negative mindset can lead to judgmental thoughts. You should try to look at the positives in every situation instead of just focusing on the negatives. When you find yourself having negative thoughts in your head, fight back and try to find something better. ^[1]

• You can still be realistic while thinking positively. While there’s no need to ignore the negative aspects, don’t just focus solely on them.
• Don’t be discouraged when you have bad days. Forgive yourself if there are times when you feel sad and have bad thoughts.
• A positive attitude can help improve your life in many ways!

Separate people’s actions and personalities. Sometimes you see people doing unacceptable things like stealing other people’s lunch money or interrupting their peers. Although their actions are wrong, you should not judge them based on a single act. Maybe they have positive qualities you haven’t seen yet. ^[2]

• Consider that their immediate actions may be driven by some circumstance that you do not understand. For example, the person might steal someone else’s lunch money because it’s been two days since they had nothing in their stomach.

Be aware every time you are judging someone. Prevent the seeds of judgment in the first place by being aware of times when you have negative thoughts about others. When you catch yourself silently criticizing someone, ask yourself if those thoughts are of any benefit to you or to them. Then replace it with a compliment. ^[3]

• For example, maybe you find yourself thinking, “That girl needs to lose weight.” Resist that thought, asking yourself what this has to do with you. Next, talk about an advantage you notice, such as, “You have a beautiful smile!”

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Each person is a unique individual with different talents, skills, personalities and life experiences. In addition, people shape their personality from upbringing, including where they grew up, how they were treated, and their living conditions. When learning about another person, try to imagine yourself in that person’s shoes. Even though you may not have the same choices as them, accept that they are entitled to make their own decisions. ^[4]

• For example, someone you consider annoyingly clingy may have spent a childhood without parents. Or you think someone doesn’t have the will to study, but maybe they are prioritizing making money to support their family.

Find common ground. Every time you find yourself trying to judge someone who isn’t like you, look at the things in common instead of focusing on the differences. We all have something in common, because we are all human! This will help you see them in a positive light instead of a cloudy image of judgment. ^[5]

• Bring up a few topics until you find something you can both talk about and care about. You will find that the other person is not that much different from you.

Be grateful for what you have. Be thankful for the good things in your life, especially the things that have helped you get where you are. Appreciate your friends, loved ones, health, opportunities, relationships and the way you were raised. Understand that not everyone has what you have, so it’s unfair to judge people because they don’t live like you.

• If you feel the urge to blurt out something negative about someone, take a deep breath and wish them all the luck you have in life.

Show kindness. Compassion is the opposite of judgment. Instead of criticizing and thinking badly of others, try to empathize with them, visualize their thoughts and feelings. It won’t be easy for you to go from thinking negatively about others to wishing them the best, but the transition is not impossible. Focus on giving others what they need and helping them instead of just giving them a bad day. ^[6]

• Compassion is also the key to finding happiness. If you want to become a more compassionate person, you will have to have a positive perception of the people and the world around you.