How to Be Kind

Sincerely care about others. At the most basic level, kindness manifests itself in your sincere concern for those around you, wanting the best for them, and realizing that they too have wants, needs, and aspirations. , even the same fear as you. Kindness contains warmth, excitement, patience, feelings of trust, loyalty, and gratitude. ^[1] Piero Ferrucci defines kindness as “doing little effort” because it frees us from the stranglehold of negative attitudes and emotions, for example such as resentment, jealousy, mistrust, and manipulation. ^[2] After all, kindness is a profound concern for all life.

• Practice being kind and generous to others. The lack of opportunity to practice, feeling embarrassed or not knowing how to connect with others can only be overcome through action; By continuously trying, you will gradually develop a natural urge to be kind and give more.
• Doesn’t ask for anything in return. Great kindness does not expect anything, does not bind, and puts no conditions on any action or word.

Don’t be kind just because you want to get what you want. Beware of delusional kindness. Kindness is not “self-interested courtesy, calculated generosity, superficial etiquette”. ^[3] Kindness is not being nice to others because you are sure it will manipulate them, force them to give you what you want, or become tools to control them. Kindness isn’t about pretending to care about someone when you’re holding back your anger or contempt; Even hiding rage or frustration behind fake jokes is not kind.

• Finally, being a respectable person isn’t nice either; this is giving in and not wanting to cause trouble, because you’re afraid that if you just do something different it will all fall apart.

Be kind to yourself. The mistake many people often make is trying to be kind to others but not focusing on being kind to themselves. It could be because you don’t like something about yourself, but often the point is that you don’t know yourself well enough. The sad thing about not knowing yourself well is that your kindness to others runs the risk of becoming illusory as described in the previous step. Or, that kindness can leave you exhausted and disillusioned because you put everyone before yourself.

• As you get to know yourself, you will realize what causes pain and conflict, and accept your contradictions and inconsistencies. In addition, this is an opportunity for you to improve the things that you are not satisfied with about yourself. From there, self-knowledge helps you avoid imposing your negative sides on others and gradually you will treat others with love and kindness. ^[4] .
• Take time to understand yourself and use this understanding to be kinder to yourself (remember we all have flaws) and others. This way, the anxiety in your heart will be relieved, instead of inciting the need to express pain and hurt.
• Avoid viewing the time spent understanding your own needs and limitations as selfish; on the contrary, this is a prerequisite for you to be able to engage with others with full strength and awareness.
• Ask yourself what it means to be kind to yourself. For many people, being kind to yourself is about controlling your voice and stopping negative thinking.

Learn from the kindness of others. Think of the truly kind people in your life and how they make you feel. Do you feel their warmth in your heart every time you think about them? The possibility is there, because kindness will linger and warm you, even as you face the toughest challenges. When you are loved by others for who you are, you will never forget their trust and how they have reinforced your worth, and their kindness will last forever. forever.

• Recall how it felt when the kindness of others brought you joy. What is it about their kindness that makes you feel special and loved? Is there anything in their actions that you can sincerely do the same for?

Cultivate kindness for your own health. Mental health and happiness both come from positive thinking, and kindness is a positive mental state. Kindness is about giving and being open to others, but it also gives us a sense of wholeness and togetherness that improves mental health and well-being.

• As simple as it may seem, kindness holds a hugely irreplaceable reward and is a source of self-esteem booster. ^[5]

Make it a habit to focus on kindness. Leo Babauta believes that being kind is a habit that everyone can cultivate. He suggests focusing on daily kindness for a month. At the end of this process of absolute focus, you will realize profound changes in your life and feel better about yourself; At the same time, the reaction of the people around you will also be different, they will also treat you better. In the long run, kindness is karma, he said. ^[6] Some suggestions for cultivating kindness include:

• Do one kind thing for someone every day. Make a clear decision every morning about the act of kindness you will take and set aside time to accomplish it during the day.
• Be kind, friendly, and compassionate when dealing with others and even with people who often make you angry, stressed, or upset. Make kindness your strength.
• Turn small acts of kindness into great compassion. Volunteering to help those in need and actively sharing the pain of others are both great acts of compassion. ^[7]
• Meditate to spread kindness. Learn how to practice Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta).

Be kind to everyone, not just those who “need help”. Let’s expand the scope of kindness. It’s often easy to become kind when we unconsciously practice what Stephanie Dowrick calls “superior kindness.” ^[8] This is a term used to refer to kindness shown to those we think really need help (the sick, the poor, the disadvantaged and those in need. with our own opinion). In fact, it’s still easier to be kind to those who are close to us emotionally (like family or friends) or otherwise (same country, skin color, gender, etc.) being kind to those whom the philosopher Hegel calls “the rest”. We will find it harder to be kind to those we consider our equals, but all the efforts will be rewarded.

• The problem that leads us to give kindness to the “right” circumstances is because we don’t realize the need to be kind to everyone, no matter who they are, how rich they are, the price they pay. What are their values and beliefs, what are their behaviors and attitudes, what are their backgrounds, how similar they are to me, etc.
• By treating us kindly only to those deemed worthy, we are displaying our own biases and judgments, and only behaving in a conditionally kind manner. Natural kindness directs all life; The challenges you face in trying to put this broad concept into practice will sometimes feel helpless, but you will come to understand more and more about your own kindness.
• If you are indifferent to being kind to someone just because you think they can handle things without your support or understanding, you are only practicing selective kindness.

Limit judgment. If you really want to be kind, stop judging. Instead of spending time criticizing others, you should learn to be positive and cultivate compassion. If you often think badly of others, wish they could improve their abilities, or feel that everyone around you is dependent or weak, you won’t know what true kindness is. Stop judging others and realize that you won’t be able to understand their situation unless you live their life. Focus on helping others instead of judging them for not being able to do better than they actually are.

• If you are judgmental, gossipy, or always speak badly of those around you, you will never overcome your limitations to be kind.
• Kindness is believing in the good in people instead of expecting perfection.