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It’s not easy to get over it if you fall in love with your best friend. Preserving friendships is important, but it will take time to deal with your uncontrollable emotions and keep the friendship going. In fact, it’s possible that this feeling will never end because your love is real. By looking at your feelings in a healthy way and finding ways to move on, you can overcome the initial sadness and appreciate the friendship as it is.
Steps
Communicate with that person
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Tell that person you secretly love them if you want to end your relationship. After speaking out, you’ll be less stressed and emotionally hurt. You won’t have to face many questions, for example: how does he/she feel, does he/she reciprocate your feelings, what it means to be in situations with them, and so on. . You won’t have to answer your own “what if… what if” hypotheses? Or what happens when you confess.
- If you want to get over this feeling, it’s important that you speak up to end it. With so many unanswered questions, you won’t be ready to date anyone else. [1] X Research Source
- If you don’t tell that person that you care about them, he/she will forever never know the extent of your affection for them. This can help him/her fully understand your friendship and give you support if needed. [2] X Research Source
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Express your thoughts if you feel the friendship has changed. If you don’t say it, you may distance yourself from the person or act strangely around them without warning. In response, she will wonder what happened and worry that she did something wrong or that you no longer care about them. You should open up about your feelings to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.
- Being open and willing to be vulnerable to awkward feelings is an important part of a friendship. If you can’t express your feelings, the two of you won’t be able to feel connected or safe around each other. [3] X Research Sources
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Don’t tell if she’s in a relationship. If they’re dating someone, it’s best not to talk about your feelings. The fact that you say you like them can bring opposing feelings into the friendship and the two will begin to distance themselves. Instead, wait until he/she is single or until you feel that you no longer have to act on your feelings.
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Directly tell him how you feel. Maybe you want to confess your feelings via text or online chat because you feel too nervous. But it’s better to have a serious conversation in person. You will see and hear what the other person is saying to minimize misunderstanding. You also see each other’s body language and can respond immediately. [4] X Research Sources
- Take a few deep breaths before talking to reduce anxiety. [5] X Research Sources
- Write down your feelings before you talk if you feel like you can’t hold back. Your emotions will be released in a healthy way. [6] X Research Sources
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Let the person know how deeply you care for them. After you tell, your partner may worry that you are only interested in dating and no longer want to be friends if they reject your feelings. You should make it clear that no matter what your answer is, you will still value your relationship.
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Whatever the outcome, you still have to accept the person’s reaction. If your feelings are reciprocated, you may be anxious and unsure of what to do next. If rejected, you will feel heartbroken. Her feelings are as precious as yours, so it’s important that you respect them. You should not be angry or react harshly to him/her if the answer is not what you expected. Thank them for being honest and keeping your distance if you need some alone time.
- Hurt, pain, and torment are normal reactions to this situation. You shouldn’t hold back or be ashamed of having felt this way. Feeling is part of the wound healing process. [7] X Research Sources
- If you feel like you can’t move on because of rejection, you may be dealing with depression. If there are significant signs of depression, you should talk to professionals such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. [8] X Research Sources
Maintain friendships, if possible
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Stop imagining and face reality. Your best friend may prolong your dreams of what might happen, but living in this kind of illusion will only bring more pain to you. You have to stop fantasizing about the two of you falling in love and face reality and your own feelings. [9] X Research Source
- Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. Instead, you need to lay the groundwork for yourself in the present. [10] X Research Source
- Instead of building an imaginary life, you should work on improving what you have. Set goals in work or hobbies, spend time with loved ones, and work on personal development to love your own life more.
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Cherish the friendship you both had. Even if you can’t pursue a romantic relationship with your best friend, your friendship can still be meaningful. Think of all the good times the two of you have and the positive qualities they have. You should silently thank this person for appearing in your life and for the opportunity to get to know them. [11] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- You don’t have to give up a close friendship because the relationship can still be important. But just spending time with that person can keep you from letting go of your feelings. [12] X Research Source
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Stop meeting for a while. You may need to avoid your partner for a while to get over your feelings. Let them know that you need some alone time (you can talk about your feelings if you feel comfortable). However, if you’re not ready to talk about it, just let him/her know that you’re upset and need some quiet time. [13] X Research Source
- Sometimes it takes weeks to months to rebuild a friendship. You may not even completely “forget” the person until you find someone else. Take as much time as possible to deal with your feelings.
- She may feel confused or hurt if she is suddenly avoiding you. You need to say that the person is not at fault and that you still care about them. When you’re ready to move on, you can go back to being friends without any misunderstandings. [14] X Research Source
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Set boundaries. If you want to overcome love with your best friend, you need to set boundaries for yourself and that person to avoid “stepping in the same path”. You can limit physical contact for longer than usual with him/her, stop flirting, or change the subject of intimate conversations for a while. You should share this with your friend (if you feel comfortable) so they know to avoid similar situations. [15] X Research Source
Release your emotions
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Allow yourself to be felt without restriction. Don’t suppress your emotions. The more you try to suppress, the more suffering. Instead of ignoring your pain, you should open up and accept all of your emotions: sadness about what should have happened, gratitude that a best friend has come into your life, or thinking about the good times. beautiful and bad. [16] X Research Source
- If the emotion becomes too intense, take a break by relaxing, calm down, and re-approach the situation when you’re ready. [17] X Research Source
- Sometimes, crying will help you feel lighter. If you want to cry, find a place where you feel comfortable and cry out your sadness. [18] X Research Sources
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Take care of yourself. In the midst of strong feelings for your best friend, you can neglect taking care of yourself. While dealing with these feelings, taking care of yourself is the best way to regain your confidence and maintain the relationships you have built with others. Participate in healthy activities to develop physically and mentally, and maintain personal hygiene. [19] X Research Source
- Mental self-care activities include: reading, spending time with friends, listening to music, going for a relaxing massage or learning new things, and so on. [20] X Research Source
- Some physical self-care activities are: going for a walk, exercising, getting enough sleep, drinking enough water or scheduling a health check-up, and so on. [21] X Research Source
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Bring laughter to yourself. “Laughter is a tonic scale”. Mild humor can help you relieve stress and maintain a positive outlook on life. Watch a funny movie, read a comic book or join a comedy club. At the very least, laughter can distract you from thinking too much. [22] X Research Source
- Sometimes, people use humor as a way to cope during difficult times. You need to make sure you don’t use jokes to hide your real feelings of pain. [23] X Research Sources
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Express your feelings in a creative way. Letting your emotions out (whether through words, pictures, or songs) helps you gather your thoughts and process what you’re feeling. You can share what you do with others, or just keep it to yourself. It is important that you express yourself to the fullest. [24] X Research Source
- If you’re not the creative type, you can keep a journal. Seeing your feelings on paper will help you manage them better. [25] X Research Sources
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Get your confidence back. When you’re trying to get over your secret crush on your best friend, your self-esteem can plummet. You worry that no one will love you the way you hoped they would. You have to believe in yourself again to be able to deal with the pain and build hope for the future. Write down your strengths to remind yourself when you feel low and set achievable goals each day to remind yourself that you can do the hard things. [26] X Research Sources
- Sometimes feeling too low is a sign of depression and often doesn’t go away on its own. If you think you may have depression, you need to talk to a loved one or see a psychologist. [27] X Research Source
Next step
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“Date yourself” for a while. Before you get back into dating, it’s a good idea to take some time to get to know yourself better. Get to know yourself on a deeper level by thinking about your goals in life and identifying what’s important to you. Discover your strengths and weaknesses. Getting to know yourself better will help you determine what you’re looking for in a relationship. [28] X Research Sources
- When you love someone, you can forget yourself. Rediscover who you are as you separate from that friend and learn to love yourself. [29] X Research Sources
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Pick up a new hobby for yourself. Going out and learning something new will give you something to think about instead of just thinking about that person. You can also learn new skills and increase your confidence. Take a cooking class, volunteer at an orphanage, buy an instrument for self-study, or do something you’ve always wanted to try. [30] X Research Source
- Picking a hobby takes a lot of time and focus. You should be able to distract your thoughts and focus on something useful for a while.
- This is the time for you to take up an activity that you used to do but gave up on for some reason. Doing something you love again will help you reconnect with who you are inside.
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Spend time with other friends. Having a crush on your best friend can make you neglect the friendship. As you develop meaningful relationships with other friends, you will regain psychological support beyond your best friend. You can chat with a friend, ask him/her to go to the movies or even send them a text showing your interest.
- You shouldn’t distract yourself too often by meeting up with friends. Spending time alone is equally important. You need your own space when you need it. [31] X Research Source
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Go out with others when you’re ready. Once you’re ready to fall in love again, you can get back to dating. You don’t have to jump into a serious relationship right away: just date a few different people for a while and have fun getting to know them. [32] X Research Source
- The best way to fall in love again is to meet someone new. You can join a club, volunteer somewhere new, chat with a classmate or colleague, go to a bar, and so on. [33] X Research Sources
- Think about the qualities of your best friend that you want to look for in others. Everyone has a different personality, you can’t expect to find someone “exactly” like your best friend, but through her you can find out what you like about a lover.
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You have to accept that you need time to let go. If you want to forget someone, your heart needs time to heal. In a way, you can also always love and care for them. The important thing is that no matter how long it takes, you get over the pain and open your heart to love again. Don’t let yourself down if you’re still passionate about that person. You can always find new love in the future.
- If you are not alert, you may feel bitter from the pain and develop feelings of hatred towards your best friend. Don’t let yourself be filled with negative emotions. [34] X Research Source
Advice
- Keep yourself busy. Holding your emotions inside won’t help you: you may even be neglecting your friends and favorite activities before you realize it. [35] X Research Source
- Don’t compare every person you date with your best friend: you’ll feel like no one qualifies. While you appreciate the positive qualities of your best friend, you should realize that different people have different qualities.
- If you feel sad, you should confide and get advice from a friend or family member. After opening your heart and hearing from them, you will be able to move forward. [36] X Research Source
- You don’t have to be in a relationship to find happiness. If you haven’t found the right person yet, this is the perfect time to focus on yourself. You won’t be able to have healthy relationships with others until you’re comfortable with yourself.
Warning
- Stay away from the person’s social media pages. Regularly looking at your best friend’s Instagram or Facebook will only make you yearn for them more.
- If sadness persists for a long time and you can’t get over it, consider seeing a psychologist. You may have been depressed. [37] X Research Source
X
This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
There are 37 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 23,296 times.
It’s not easy to get over it if you fall in love with your best friend. Preserving friendships is important, but it will take time to deal with your uncontrollable emotions and keep the friendship going. In fact, it’s possible that this feeling will never end because your love is real. By looking at your feelings in a healthy way and finding ways to move on, you can overcome the initial sadness and appreciate the friendship as it is.
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