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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 16 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 11,122 times.
At all times, every romantic relationship requires effort. This is especially important in marriage. One of the best ways to keep things running smoothly in your daily life is to show your partner that you care. Learning how to meet your partner’s needs can help ensure a happy and successful marriage.
Steps
Satisfying husband’s emotional needs
- Let him know that you really want to know how he feels. You’ll find it more helpful to regularly take some time so you can both share how you’re feeling. [2] X Research Source
- Don’t judge how he feels, and don’t jump to conclusions based on what he tells you. You should create a space where he feels safe sharing his feelings with you, and to feel secure, he needs to know that you won’t be upset or critical of anything he says. [3] X Research Sources
- Determine if he needs change (for example, feeling stuck in a rut or feeling unsatisfied with some aspect of the relationship), empathy (needs to bond more, or need you to be more willing to see things from his point of view), or a greater degree of harmony (more intimacy, or spending more time together). These are 3 important keys in a successful and stable relationship. [5] X Research Sources
- If your husband needs a change, you should work with him to find a solution. Try to break the common rut. Let’s do something different together, like go on holiday or learn a new hobby.
- If he needs sympathy, you should spend a lot of time talking to him. Listen to how he feels and give him encouragement.
- If your husband needs more harmony between the two of you, you should pay more attention to his interests, and ask him to do the same with yours. Both of you should spend more time together and try to become more intimate.
- Become an active listener. Take in what he’s saying instead of thinking about responding before he’s finished. Encourage him to continue expressing his feelings through eye contact, nodding, and questions. [10] X Research Source
- Avoid criticizing his feelings. Make him feel comfortable sharing his feelings without worrying that you’ll judge or reprimand him. [11] X Research Source
- Discuss any behavior by you or your partner that affects your marriage. You should start the conversation by asking if there’s anything you could have done differently, and then gently let him know if there’s something he could have done differently. . [12] X Research Source
- Take the initiative to address any issues he mentions and ask him to do the same. [13] X Research Source
- Communicating clearly and directly means that you don’t hesitate to say what needs to be said. This method may seem too blunt to some, but many experts believe it is the best form of communication. Try telling the other person exactly how you feel without having to say no. [15] X Research Source
- Clear and indirect communication helps get the basic message across clearly, but doesn’t direct it to the right people. An example of this method of communication would be to say that a particular behavior upsets you, but not directly referring to the person performing the behavior. In this case, you or your guy need to be more forthright. [16] X Research Source
- Communicating implicitly and directly will get the message to the right people, but not being clear about what really needs to be conveyed. An example of this mode of communication is telling someone that their particular behavior may be annoying but is not directly directed towards the goal of communication related to that behavior. Of course, practicing frankness can help. [17] X Research Source
- Implicit and indirect communication often makes both the message conveyed and the object of criticism ambiguous. This is considered an unhelpful method of communication. If you or your partner is having this method, try to be more honest with your partner. Try writing down what you want to say as a way to help clear up your feelings before expressing yourself. [18] X Research Sources
- Use sentences that begin with the subject “I”. [20] X Research Sources Instead of starting a sentence with the subject of the opponent, a sentence form that sounds accusing and puts the other person on the defensive, you should use sentences that begin with “I”. Therefore, instead of saying “You are wrong”, you should emphasize: “I do not agree”. Some other forms of “I” sentences such as: “I feel”, “I need”, “I want”.
- Talk about his behavior, not about him. [21] X Research Sources Instead of jokingly saying, “You look sloppy,” say, “Did you know your shirt has a mustard stain on the front?” That way you will avoid criticism and focus on the truth.
- Pay attention to tone and volume. How you talk is just as important as what you say. Do not scream, raise your voice or mumble. Speak firmly in a normal and moderate tone. [22] X Research Source
- Respond but do not respond. [23] X Research Sources If you notice that you or your husband are starting to get angry and defensive, stop arguing and stay calm. Once the anger has subsided, both parties will agree on a specific time to return to the issue, and make sure you stick to it and close the discussion to the end. Remember: being assertive is completely different from being aggressive.
- Practice in low-risk situations. [24] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source If you’re afraid of asserting yourself or worried about larger conflicts that could erupt, try starting small (for example, if your partner If you say the vacuum cleaner is in the garage, you should say it outright that you know it’s in the closet). If you find it difficult to do so with him, find someone (like a friend or family member) with whom you feel comfortable opposing any idea.
- Clear requirements. Instead of making your partner say “no” in response to a request like “Do you mind if…?”, make the request explicit by asking, “Can I do this for you?” Are not?” The following sentence shows respect, and he can still refuse if he wants, but you don’t have to repeat the request. [26] X Research Sources
- Tell your partner something reassuring, like “I really appreciate all the good things you do for me,” or “I’m so happy and grateful that you came into my life.” [28] X Research Sources
Nurturing Romance
- Try having a weekly date night. You can set aside one evening a week to go out to dinner and to the movies. Or if you like, you can organize your own date night at home, and cook together. [30] X Research Source
- You can also surprise your partner by trying something new with him. Research shows that doing things new with your other half releases the hormone oxytocin, otherwise known as the “cuddle hormone”. [32] X Research Resources Try taking a class together or simply going to a new restaurant together. [33] X Research Sources
- Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, and walking hand-in-hand are all ways you can show your guy intimacy in your everyday life. [35] X Research Source
- Find moments to foster intimacy by hugging while watching TV or watching movies and holding hands while doing errands together. As you work towards becoming more intimate, you’ll easily begin to see more ways for you and your guy to bond and get closer.
Have fun together
- Go out dancing together if both you and your guy are interested in this sport. This will be interesting, energizing, and help you remember why you both fell in love in the first place. [38] X Research Sources
- Enjoy a romantic dinner together. You can go to your favorite restaurant, or have an intimate dinner at home.
- Once you’ve outlined your dream vacation, start making it a reality.
- If the two of you aren’t the outdoorsy type, try hiking together or simply having an outdoor picnic.
- If you’re usually at home on weekends, try doing something different together. You can go on a double date with another close couple, or throw a party and invite people you haven’t seen in a long time.
- Whatever your choice, the important thing here is that the two of you do new things together. That doesn’t mean you’ll have to argue about what’s comfortable for both of you. You just need to change a few things every now and then.
Advice
- Don’t compare your partner to an ex you dated, and make sure he doesn’t compare you to anyone else either.
- Spend time talking to each other every day. Regularly spend some alone time together, like having a romantic date night or chatting after dinner.
- Communicate what you need/want, and listen to what he needs and wants.
- Try to learn different ways to communicate with him. “The Five Love Languages” is a popular book by Gary Chapman that offers useful advice on how couples can communicate better with each other.
- Consider talking to a marriage counselor if you think you and your guy are having a hard time communicating.
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 16 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 11,122 times.
At all times, every romantic relationship requires effort. This is especially important in marriage. One of the best ways to keep things running smoothly in your daily life is to show your partner that you care. Learning how to meet your partner’s needs can help ensure a happy and successful marriage.
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