Is it bad to argue when you first fall in love?

When it comes to relationships between couples, it’s surprising how common quarrels are. It’s rare for two people to always agree on everything, if not impossible. However, if you’ve only just started dating and already have an argument, you may feel it’s too early. This article will help you understand more about relationship conflicts. We’ve got some information about the time when serious disagreements start to surface (perhaps earlier than you think) as well as some advice on how to have a healthy argument. If you’re worried about conflict in your relationship, we also have a list of red flags to watch out for.

Table of Contents

Is it normal for a couple to quarrel frequently at the beginning of the relationship?

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Some conflicts are normal and may not be a bad sign. Most couples, if not all, argue at one point or another. If arguments happen sooner than you think, it may just be because you’re both confident and opinionated (which are positive qualities). As long as both are understanding and understanding, early arguments are not a bad sign at all. ^{[1] X Research Source}

On the other hand, if you and your partner insult each other, mistreat each other, or fight over big issues like infidelity or lying, this could be a red flag.

When is it normal for couples to start arguing?

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Couples’ arguments often begin when the honeymoon period is over. Although every couple is different, this period usually lasts from 3 months to 2 years. During the honeymoon period, the levels of dopamine and oxytocin produced in the brain in lovers are usually higher. ^{[2] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source} These chemicals are often responsible for creating the feelings of fascination and infatuation when in love. As the two get to know each other longer, this passion can subside, and people will begin to feel the difference.

If the first argument happened before 3 months of knowing each other, it does not mean that your relationship is at the edge. Make sure you both listen to each other, understand each other’s point of view, and come up with solutions.

When do couples usually start arguing?

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You may notice things that you don’t like about the other person. During the honeymoon period, you often overlook the flaws of your lover. Even if you do notice the difference, you can ignore it (he/she is so charming, funny, and smart – what do you think he’s messing around with?) After an argument? At first, you will see that your other half is only human, and has the same advantages and disadvantages as everyone else. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

If the other person’s bad habits are not too much, it is better to ignore and remember their good points. Remind yourself that you are not perfect yourself, and accept your partner as they are.
If their wrongdoings are serious (refusing to commit or lying about big things). In this case, you need to talk to them in good faith to see if they have changed their behavior.
You can say, “I understand you’re still friends with your ex, but I wish you were telling the truth every time you two met.”

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You’ll probably feel more comfortable if you two are frank with each other from now on. When you first started dating, the two of you were still in the getting to know stage, so you were afraid to talk about your concerns or draw boundaries because you didn’t want the other person to be afraid to withdraw. After the first argument, the two of you understood that you could work through the conflict and still want to be together. This will help you feel more comfortable being yourself and not afraid to speak up about your needs. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Be open and forthright about the boundaries and needs of your relationship, even if you’ve only been dating for a few months. The early stages of a relationship are a great opportunity to establish what works or doesn’t work for you.
You could say, “I’m a little sensitive at times. It’s important to me that if there’s a disagreement, both of us don’t raise our voices or yell at each other.”
If you wait too long to speak, the relationship is even more vulnerable to damage than an argument, as this can lead to resentment and misunderstanding.

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You will learn how to handle conflict. Everyone has a different way of settling disagreements. Your first argument can be an occasion for you to see how you and your partner argue, and if you have learned anything from it. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Maybe you realize you can’t listen to your partner when you’re angry, for example. Instead of blaming yourself, see this as an experience that helps you grow up and from now on you will learn to listen to your lover.
Consider talking to your partner about your recent argument after you’ve both cooled down. You could say, “I’m sorry I was a bit harsh just now. Next time if we don’t agree on something, I’ll try to stay calm.”

How to argue in a healthy way?

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See things from the other side’s point of view. Even if you disagree, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Consider what your partner has to say from their point of view and let them know that you respect their point of view. ^{[6] X Research Source}

“I’m a bit upset that you didn’t invite me to go see that movie with you, but I understand that you need some alone time.”
“I understand you get upset when I don’t reply to your texts. If it were me, I would feel the same way.”

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Listen to what your lover has to say. Turn off the phone and give them your full attention while you’re trying to resolve a disagreement. Instead of focusing on how you will respond, pay attention to what the other person has to say and what they have to say to you. To clarify what they mean, try repeating it in your own words. This can help you avoid misunderstandings and show that you’re trying to understand what they’re thinking, even if you don’t have the same opinion. ^{[7] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

“I see. I should have tried to come up with more date ideas.”
“I understand you’re upset that I spend so much time on the phone.”

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If you don’t understand what your lover is saying, ask them again. This way, the other party will see you trying to see things from their perspective. This can also help you understand more about your partner to avoid future disagreements. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

“I know you’re mad that I didn’t spend enough time with you. What can I do to make you happier now?”
“There’s something I don’t understand. Did I say something to make you angry?”

READ More: How to Mention Sex

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Pause arguing when both start to get angry. Suppose after a while of talking back and forth, the two of them became more and more angry. In this case, try to regain your composure and tell the other person that you need to pause for a while. Leave for a few minutes or tell the other person that you will continue talking later. This can help both parties avoid uttering words they later regret, and it also gives both of them time to cool off. ^{[9] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

“I want to work this out with you, but I think I need to take a moment to calm down.”
“I can’t express how I feel right now. I need a few minutes to think before we continue talking.”

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Find compromise. In order to work through a disagreement, you need to find a solution that both of you are happy with. Each person needs to voice their need to feel more comfortable, then make a plan to change from now on. That way, the two can then get back together happily and peacefully. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Maybe your partner likes to text every day, but you don’t like to spend a lot of time checking your phone, so the two of you can agree to text each other 1-2 times a day.
Maybe you feel frustrated because you always have to pay when you two go out. The two of you should agree with each other from now on to share the payment or take turns to pay once each.

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Apologize when necessary. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, so if it’s your fault that leads to an argument, don’t be too harsh on yourself. Sincerely apologize to your partner, promise them that you will change and forgive yourself. ^{[11] X Research Source}

“I’m sorry I forgot to pick you up from the company. I was so absent-minded today, but I can’t use that as an excuse. Next time I’ll definitely remember.”

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Practice forgiveness if you want to move forward. Everyone makes mistakes, and if you want to continue the relationship, you have to forgive the person next to you. However, if the other person has made a serious mistake or really hurt you, you can spend some time thinking about it. ^{[12] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

If you want to forgive your partner but find it difficult, try to see the problem from their point of view or remind yourself of a time when you also made a mistake. This will make it easier for you to forgive.
You may decide that you cannot forgive your partner for what they did. In this case, it may be time to end the relationship. It’s going to be very painful for you, but remember that there are other people out there who will treat you more deservingly.

Warning signs to watch out for

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Conflicts over important aspects such as beliefs about values. Values may include the level of commitment you expect in a relationship, political and religious views, or views on social issues such as marriage. While it’s entirely possible to date someone with different beliefs than you do, early conflicts over fundamental differences of opinion can be a sign that you’re not a compatible match. .

Maybe one of you wants a faithful relationship, but the other wants an open relationship. The conflict on this issue shows that the two sides do not have the same goals.
There is also the possibility that you can bridge the difference with empathy and compromise. However, make sure that the two of you don’t overlook each other’s values or needs just to maintain the relationship.

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Disagreements about their shared future. The fundamentally different ideas about the future of the relationship that emerged from the start will usually remain the same. While you may gradually mature with your partner and realize that you two want a serious relationship, it’s best to date the right person for you right now (no. not the person you want them to be). ^{[13] X Research Source}

Maybe your partner wants to have children, but you don’t want to get married.
Maybe later you want to move to another city, but your lover just wants to stay where he is.

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Serious errors such as adultery or lying. We all make mistakes, but these problems are a warning sign when they happen in the early stages of a relationship. If you or someone you love finds it difficult to stay faithful or tell the truth, then that’s a sign that your relationship isn’t built on a solid foundation. ^{[14] X Research Source}

The decision to forgive or not is entirely up to you. Some couples get over their infidelity and their relationship is stronger than before.
If you’ve forgiven the other person but this happens again, then maybe it’s time to break up with them.

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Frequent criticism, abuse, or abuse. Mental and physical abuse that occurs in the early stages of a relationship is a red flag, and it’s highly likely that it will get worse over time. If your partner puts you down, defies your boundaries, threatens you, or hurts you physically, end the relationship early. Warning signs of violence include: ^{[15] X Trusted Source National Domestic Vipence Hotline Go to source}

Insults you and makes you feel like you can’t do anything right
Uncontrollably jealous or trying to isolate you from friends and family
Lies, tricks, and mental manipulation
Forcing you to have sex or do things you don’t want to
Threatening or hurting you physically in any way

Advice

If the two of you can’t seem to come to a solution but still want to be together, consider seeing a love, marriage, and family counselor. They can help you troubleshoot problems and provide effective communication tactics. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Steps